Page 44 of Fearless

CHAPTER 17Kai

I would have stood at the edge of that desert until she walked back into my arms.

That is, if I weren’t the damn Enforcer of Ilya.

I pace atop the familiar path I’ve worn into the carpet. My desk sits to the right, patiently waiting to be relieved of the piled paperwork decorating its chipped wood. Guard rotations, training schedules, and safety precautions beg for my attention, but only one thing holds it—her.

I have thought of nothing else since watching Paedyn stride into that sinister stretch of sand. Hair glinting like a blade and legs swift like one who’s spent their whole life running, the Silver Savior began her first Trial. And I stood there, watching her form slowly shrink into the horizon.

It was Kitt’s insistence that had me reluctantly returning to the castle. He needed me to “be the Enforcer, even when she is not around.” The words had stunned me for a moment, had me glimpsing that suspicion Pae spoke of. Perhaps the king really does know how tragically in love I am with his betrothed. Perhaps he is as well.

We haven’t spoken since our journey back to the castle—him returning quietly to his study, and me to the training yard. Only after hours of shouted corrections and tedious demonstrations, I find myself pacing the weathered carpet blanketing my bedchamber. She has less than three hours to walk into the throne room with that crown in hand. And some selfish part of me hopes that she won’t.

As if that were a solution.

“If I don’t marry her, I have no choice but to kill her.”

Kitt’s words haunt my thoughts, dash my hopes. Because if Paedyn fails any of these Trials, her fate will be worse than marriage. It will be death.

As much as I want her to be mine, I want her to be Death’s far less.

I rake a hand through my hair, feet still treading their familiar path across the carpet. I’ve never felt so completely useless. Every fiber of my being begs to find hers, despite duty trapping me within these castle walls. Though, it’s comforting to know that she doesn’t need my help—the Silver Savior has made that abundantly clear since the day she earned the title.

And yet, one day I hope she does. Just to show her the extent of what I’m willing to do if only she asks.

Unable to pace my bedroom any longer, I throw open the door and stride out into the dim hallway. Imperials don’t hesitate to move out of my path, skittering servants doing the same. My steps quicken and faces blur as I pass. The plush carpet beneath my shoes is something I had never taken the time to notice until Adena—Paedyn’s other half—had brought it to my attention before that final Trial ball. And with each step toward the west tower, I focus on the feel of it to distract from my reeling thoughts.

My quick pace through the castle has each dark hall slipping swiftly past. I’m draped comfortably in shadows until a puddle of light laps at myshoes, rippling around my faltering steps. It pours from beneath a door that hasn’t been opened in years. At least, not by anyone other than Father.

I reach hesitantly for the handle, feeling suddenly like a disobeying child. I’ve spent my whole life avoiding this room due to the king’s orders. But he is not here anymore to punish me for my defiance.

The door creaks open on hinges unaccustomed to serving their purpose. A lamp spills dull light into the room, old enough to have the Volt power slowly flickering from it. I sweep my gaze over the preserved chamber, landing on a tarp-covered bed adorned with royalty. Kitt sits stiffly on the dusty sheet with a jewelry box clutched between inky fingers.

His tired gaze flicks to mine, only slightly surprised to see me standing uncomfortably in the doorway. “It’s weird, being in here, huh? After all those years of wondering what was behind that door.” Setting the wooden box aside, he stands with a pained laugh. “All that waiting, just for it to be a regular old bedroom.”

I feel oddly trapped beneath the doorframe. It seems wrong to step into a piece of a past that doesn’t belong to me. Iris Moyra was Kitt’s mother, not mine. And I alone have known just how desperately he wished to know her, even at a glimpse.

“Father shouldn’t have kept this from you,” I say quietly.

“Among other things. But he knew he could, because I would always come back to him.” His gaze grows distant. “Always obey.”

I slip my hands into the pockets at my sides. “So, what changed?”

He contemplates this for a moment. “Power. When you have nothing, you live only for those who promise you everything.”

“You lived for Father,” I reiterate.

“Now I live for legacy.” He smiles. “For us.”

I dip my head, offering the pale carpet my grin. “I can’t say it isn’t nice to serve a king that actually gives a shit about me.”

“You’re my little brother,” Kitt teases. “I’ve been forced to give a shit about you my whole life.”

I chuckle softly. “Sorry to be an inconvenience.”

He shrugs. “It was pretty annoying when you started being able to kick my ass.”

“Well, you should be used to it by now.”

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