Page 45 of Fearless

“Easy, Brother.” Kitt’s boyish grin has returned to his face after far too long. “Let’s not start a brawl in the one room we haven’t yet.”

I let this moment soak in, relishing every laugh that passes between us. Alone with him, I don’t think of the future ahead, or the ring wrapped around Paedyn’s finger. And I’m grateful for that. Grateful to just be brothers.

“I’ll leave you to your thoughts,” I say after a long while of talking like we used to. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Just saw the light under the door and figured I’d check it out.”

“Nothing special, huh?” Kitt muses.

My expression softens. “It is for you.”

He nods, thanking me for my understanding. I nod back.

The door screeches shut, leaving my brother alone with what is left of the mother he never knew.

It’s not long before I’m making my way up the spiral staircase of the west tower. I remember a time when a trip to the rickety turret felt hopeful. Now, my heart pounds faster with each step higher. The air grows cold and damp in a way I’ve now come to associate with the presence of Death.

I swore to never set foot in the infirmary again.

Though, I’ve been here several times since making that vow. And each time I stare blankly at the wooden door atop the stairs, allowing myself a split second of hesitation before pushing it open and stepping into the large room behind.

It looks exactly as it had the day Ava died.

Cots line the walls, though my gaze avoids one in particular. The room is just as plain and dreary as it had been all those years ago. Heading for the only occupied bed, I nod at the Healer who hurries past, more than happy to give us some privacy in exchange for a moment beyond this dreary tower.

I walk toward my mother slowly, taking in the dark circles below her eyes and the frail shoulders peeking above crisp covers. My throat tightens at the sight. She looks worse than when I last left her.

“My sweet boy.” Her tired eyes brighten when they land on me. “You’re home. I was so worried.”

A wave of guilt hits me in the gut like a blow. “I should have come to see you sooner.” I take a seat in the chair beside her. “These past few days have been… difficult.”

The look she gives cuts right through me. “I know that. But you can also admit how hard it is for you to be up here. See the cot she used to occupy.” Mother glances around the infirmary, gaze haunted. “I understand your pain.”

I duck my head. Of course she understands. It was her daughter she grieved.

“I thought I was broken after losing Ava,” she continues softly. “But it seems that the loss of your father will be the death of me.”

My teeth grind together at her words and every one I wish to say in return. I could never imagine Father deserving more of my grief than Ava. And when I look at my mother in this moment, I’m angry that she ever let her daughter be a secret—die a secret.

But I say none of this to the woman on her deathbed.

I study her pale face and distant gray eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Kai, it’s not long now,” she says simply.

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Bury me as close to him as possible.”

“Mother, please—”

“I want to reach out and grab his hand.”

At those whispered words, it’s I who grabs her hand, pulling it close to my chest. “You will be close to him. I promise.” Swallowing, I add, “But that won’t be for a long while.”

She shakes her head with a sad smile. “I’ll miss you, my pretty boy. Keep taking care of Kitt for me.” Her dark lashes flutter. “I regret not being there for him.”

“It’s not your fault,” I murmur. “Kitt has always been… stubborn when it comes to you.”

“Because I’m not really his mother.” A long pause. “I know.”

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