Page 52 of Fearless

Dropping a heavy hand from his shoulder, I fumble for the knob. As soon as I’ve managed to twist it, Kai is stepping into the room and alarming a distracted Ellie.

“Oh, Paedyn!” Her voice is as soft as always, though filled with far more concern than I anticipated.

“Do I really look that bad?” I practically croak.

Kai sets me gently on the bed, treating me like I’m as fragile as I feel. His hand cups the back of my neck to ensure my swaying body remains upright on the edge of the mattress. “You look like someone who has just done the impossible,” he murmurs, face close.

I smile, tasting blood on my cracked lips. “So I look like hell?”

“If you look like hell,” he whispers with a sly grin, “then I’m fortunate to be going there.”

My strained laugh is cut short by the sudden movement over his shoulder. Pulling back, I’m reminded, horrifyingly, that we are not alone. At the color staining my cheeks, Kai turns to find Ellie wide-eyed and paralyzed in the center of the room.

Crouching down before me, the Enforcer clears his throat in preparation of the soft command about to spew from it. “Ellie, get me a pail of warm water and a cloth, please.” He says this as if she hasn’t just seen what passed between us mere moments ago. As my maid—I suppose it doesn’t matter. But as my friend—I’ll have some explaining to do.

She nods curtly, hurrying toward the bathroom as Kai adds, “Soap, too.”

I sit there awkwardly with his hands now braced on either side ofmy legs. Our eyes meet, mine concerned and his far too content. I give him a look that I hope screams,Keep your hands to yourself until she leaves, which I’m quite certain he understands because it’s the complete opposite he does next.

With a smirk that makes me want to simultaneously kiss and hit him, he slides calloused palms down my thighs. My weak warning look doesn’t stop his slow search of my legs. I can’t help but smile back at him, and he seems to take that as a sign of encouragement.

I’m so distracted by the feel of Kai’s hands that I hardly notice Ellie place the pail of water beside him. After setting down a cloth and bar of soap, she straightens with a clearing of her throat.

Kai’s eyes are locked on mine. “That will be all, Ellie. Thank you. I’ll let you know when to send in the Healer.”

With a quick curtsy and glance in my direction, Ellie swiftly strides from the room, shutting the door behind her. Turning my attention back on the smirking boy before me, I give his chest a good shove. “So much for pretending, Prince.”

He dips the cloth into the pail, shrugging at my words. “I’ll have the rest of my life to pretend with you. But for now, I needed to keep you alert.”

“You were distracting me,” I breathe, eyes dropping to the blood coating my hands.

My stained palms are quickly covered by the damp cloth he places over them. “And I will happily be your distraction from pain. For as long as you need.”

The bar of soap is rough against my hands, but I welcome the discomfort. Kai wipes at the scarlet now swirling atop my skin, leaving the towel stained with the blood of strangers.

I attempt to swallow the emotion clogging my throat. “It’s not the pain I need a distraction from. It’s the memory of what I did.”

He threads the cloth between my fingers, ridding my skin of any trace this Trial left behind. “I know.” His voice is saddened with the weight of understanding. “It just all starts to feel the same after a while.”

I’m blissfully numb as he guides my hands into the pail of water, letting the warmth wash over them. “I didn’t think I’d walk into that throne room tonight either,” I whisper. “I was ready to die beside Mareena in that crypt I fell into. I have never been so terrified—and I’ve spent my whole life in fear.”

He’s moved to my arms now, guiding the cloth over every speck of dirt and blood splattered there. “Pae, we don’t have to talk about this now—”

“It was so dark,” I breathe, because part of me desperately wants to be free of what haunts the confines of my mind. “I’ve never seen such complete and utter blackness. And the bats…”

My visible shudder has Kai placing a comforting hand against the small of my back. I watch him clean every claw mark, every nick the beasts gifted me. When the stained cloth reaches the slash across my shoulder, I hiss in pain. He does his best to mop up the blood surrounding it as he murmurs, “But you got out. You got the crown. And then you cracked it against a man’s skull.” When my eyes flick up, they land on his wry smile. “I’m assuming.”

I shake my head at him. “How did you…?”

“You’re not the only one who’s observant, Little Psychic.”

When his smile only grows, I huff, “Well, I didn’t enjoy doing it.”

“I know.” His gaze softens. “I wish I could have done it for you.”

My voice is tired, reflecting the current state of my body. “Does it ever get easier? The bad that supposedly justifies the hope of something good?”

“It hasn’t yet,” he says with a sigh. “But your bad will belong to me when I become your Enforcer. And maybe then, when I know you are reaping the good, things will get easier.”

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