Page 6 of Fearless

I can feel each thundering beat of her heart against my chest. And just like that, the distraction I’d created for her dissolves. She’s crumbling again, her voice cracking as her composed facade does the same. “I… I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this.” I feel each vigorous shake of herhead. “I was ready to die. I was ready for you to be the last thing I saw and now—”

“Don’t say that,” I choke out, cutting her off before any more of my fears can escape her mouth. “I would have never let that happen. I promised to fix this, and I will.”

“Fix this?” Her laugh is little more than a rasp. “Kai, this is no longer a matter of life or death. This is…” When her breath catches, I know it is the ring she runs trembling fingers over. “This is until death do us part.”

There’s that anger again, washing over me in waves. Because she was meant to be the death of me, not the life of another. It was her I was meant to adore in this world and crawl to in the one after. But now she’s tethered to a king, and I am nothing more than her killer.

I fumble for her hands, desperate to hold on to her for as long as I can. “Focus on this ring,” I urge, spinning the band on her thumb. “Your father’s, not my brother’s. Until I figure this out, spin it like you always do. Distract yourself.”

I feel a weak scoff tremble through her body. “But this doesn’t belong to my father. Not truly.” Her voice quivers beneath the weight of each word. “Everything I thought I knew about my life was a lie. And now I’m expected to live it alongside someone I thought wanted me dead?”

I shake my head, not knowing how to help her deal with the sudden discovery of how she became Adam Gray’s daughter. It was not by blood, but by chance and neglect of a stranger. And I am useless when it comes to curing her of this confusion, this hurt.

“I don’t understand any of this,” she continues in a rush. “I should be dead by now. Every person in this Plague-forsaken kingdomwantsto see me dead, not on a throne.” She sighs into the shadows, her breath skittering across my skin. “But Kitt is right. The kingdoms won’t open trade if Ilya does not welcome Ordinaries again. You saw how hated Elites were in Dor.” I feel the quick shake of her head. “I’ve wanted a unitedIlya more than anyone, even if the king does so begrudgingly. But…”

“But the Elites will not accept an Ordinary queen so easily,” I finish for her. “Hell, even the idea of Ordinaries freely living in Ilya.”

There’s a beat of silence before words are spilling from her mouth, the one I can’t see but know the shape of by heart. “I thought Kitt was spiraling. I thought he was grieving and angry.” A shaky breath. “I thought he’d order you to drive a sword through my chest the moment I set foot in that throne room.”

“I thought he would too,” I murmur. “And I was prepared to severely disappoint him.”

The ache in her voice makes me wince. “Kai…”

“Pae. I had no idea that this is what he had planned.” Dirty fingers comb through the messy strands of my hair. “I’ve known little of Ilya’s disarray over the years. And that is simply because I was spending more time in the slums than anyone filling this castle. You confirmed my suspicions in the Scorches, about the lack of food and land. But I hadn’t realized the situation was so dire.”

I can feel her spinning that ring on her thumb.

“You said he wasn’t himself when you left,” Paedyn ventures softly. “He was grieving. The people whispered about his madness.” The next words are a distant thought plucked from her head. “So, what changed?”

“I don’t know.” My mind wanders back to the plethora of paper that scattered his desk, and the stained hands rummaging through them. “I don’t know.”

The darkness speaks on our behalf for a long moment, swelling around us and filling our ears with a dull drone before I’m once again tugging at that fraying hem of her shirt. She melts against my body, and it feels like relief. That is, until she admits quietly, “I don’t know if I’ll survive this.”

“You’ve already survived worse,” I remind her sternly. “Besides, youseemed to have no problem handling that man in the throne room.”

“As did you,” she counters, and I can perfectly picture the steely look accompanying those words. “I don’t need you to fight my battles.”

“Oh, darling,” I murmur, “I know you don’t. But if I am to be your Enforcer, then you better get used to it.”

This shake of her head is imploring. “I am no one’s queen.”

“Is that so?” My fingers find her cheek before trailing down the smooth slope of her nose. “Then you have no idea how much power you hold over me.”

“You seem to forget that I’m completely powerless, Prince.” Her words hold an edge, as though her breath has become a blade she drags along my neck.

“So be my weakness, then.”

“You know I’m betrothed to your brother,” she whispers, lips dangerously close to mine.

I swallow, voice stern. “For now.”

“Forforever,” she breathes harshly. “I don’t think there is a way out of this. And if what Kitt said in the throne room is real, then the future of Ilya and the Ordinaries within it rides on this.”

I tip my face until her forehead meets mine. “I’m too selfish to let you go so easily.”

“Then pretend.”

My thumb drags lazily over her bottom lip. “Does that mean I have to drag you into a closet every time I want to touch you?”

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