Page 88 of Save the Date

What the hell am I doing?Emma wondered. She’d already blown her chance with him—multiple times. Why had she thought she deserved another?

As Emma debated making a break for the elevator, Will appeared in the doorway. His blond hair was slightly messy, perhaps from recent intercourse with Camila, and he didn’t look pleased to see Emma.

“What are you doing here?”

Emma wasn’t sure how to respond. She wanted to reach out and inappropriately stroke his cheek or burrow her head into his neck. She wanted to declare she’d made a huge mistake and that they should book a weekend trip in Palm Springs to make up. She wanted to move past this part and get to the stage where their disastrous beginning was just a funny story theytold at cocktail parties now that they were so solid as a couple. But nothing about Will’s stance or his face or his overall vibe implied he felt the same way.

“I… Never mind,” Emma sputtered, the lack of food in her belly clearly impacting her brain. She took off down the hall at a fast clip before things could get any worse.

“Emma!” Will shouted, causing her to break into a jog.

After thirty-two mostly mortifying years, Emma had finally exceeded her embarrassment threshold and needed to immediately move to the woods, leaving human civilization for good. She hit the elevator down button five times and begged for it to open before Will reached her. She could tell by the sound of his footsteps that he was closing in.

“Will you just wait—”

The elevator finally arrived and Emma thrust herself inside. She desperately searched for the right button to close the door, only for Will to beat her to it. He stepped into the claustrophobic metal box with plenty of time to spare.

“Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Not really,” Emma replied as the doors closed. Neither one of them made a move to press a button. As the uncomfortable silence wore on, Emma realized that Will was using her own favorite trick to get people to talk—he was waiting her out.

“Your girlfriend seems very cool. I like her cat-eating-a-plant tattoo. Is she the one Anika set you up with?”

Will nodded. “Thanks. But she isn’t my girlfriend. We’re just dating.” Will cheekily turned to Emma to explain, “Dating is when two people take time to get to know each other before deciding if they would like to move forward into a more serious commit—”

Emma whacked Will in the stomach. “I know what dating is.”

“Could have fooled me,” Will teased.

“Why didn’t you mention things were getting more serious with her?”

“It’s pretty new. And I was trying to keep things professional and email only.”

Emma nodded in understanding. She felt some of her tension ease now that she knew Will was still technically single. It meant she might still have a chance. It also meant she needed to open her mouth.

“I broke up with Matt,” Emma nearly shouted.

Will looked at her with concern, which was not the reaction she was hoping for. She’d have preferred him to break out into a celebratory song. Or at least crack a smile. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he said instead.

“Are you?”

“Of course. I know how much you wanted it to work out.”

She really had. But now Emma wanted something more. “I’m the one who ended it. I realized that we didn’t have enough of a connection to make it work. Operation: Save My Date is only feasible if there’s enough chemistry to begin with. I didn’t have the wrong plan, but I did have the wrong guy.”

Emma reached for Will’s hand just as he moved it to run it through his hair. She wasn’t sure if the move was deliberate or bad timing.

“When did you have this big revelation?” he asked, his voice frustratingly neutral.

Emma glanced at her watch. “About an hour and a half ago. I would have gotten here sooner but I miscalculated the power of AT&T’s cellular coverage.”

Will sighed, which felt like an emotional punch to the throat. “I can’t keep being your backup plan, Emma. You can’t run to me every time it doesn’t work out with someone else and you’re too afraid to be alone.”

“That’s not…that’s not what’s happening.”

Based on Will’s extremely closed-off demeanor, Emma likelyonly had one shot at making this right. She took a deep breath and dived in. “When we first met, I was terrified. I didn’t want to give up on love, but I was also trying to figure out how to mitigate my risk. I thought if I found someone who valued marriage as much as me, I wouldn’t get hurt again. But there is no way to avoid getting hurt. That is simply part of the deal when you sign up for a relationship. You’re basically saying, ‘I like you enough to let you destroy me.’ The only way putting yourself out there like that is tolerable is by trusting that if youdoget destroyed, or heartbroken, or left randomly on a Monday night with no explanation, you will be able to pick up the pieces and keep going.

“When Ryan left me, it felt like my second strike, with all my previous relationship failures mixing together as the first. I felt like I hadonemore shot in me and if it didn’t work out, I’d have to accept that I don’t have whatever it takes to be loved for a whole lifetime. I thought I couldn’t handle any more heartbreak and I didn’t want any more proof that something was wrong with me.”

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