Page 69 of The Deadbeat Next Door

I looked over at Cody. Why hadn’t we considered that? We didn’t even have enough seats in his truck for us and the kids. “No,” I said. “I’m sorry. I don’t.”

“That’s okay,” Albert said. “Just be sure to get one before you go anywhere with Jenny. I’ll follow you with the kids in my car.”

We got to Cody’s and he headed right back out to get air mattresses and sleeping bags, since he didn’t have beds in his guest rooms. I lay Jenny on the couch, where she fell back to sleep almost instantly. I got some food into Kayla and Simon. Simon went right to bed as soon as Cody had one set up for him, but Kayla didn’t seem ready for sleep. Cody must have sensed her need to talk to me alone, because he headed back to his room.

“It’s my fault,” Kayla said. “It’s my fault Dad’s dead.”

“Why do you think that?” My first instinct was to tell her she was wrong, but she was a teenager and I suspected that wouldn’t go over well.

“He overdosed on heroin,” she said. “Did Albert tell you that? I found him on the couch and he was…He was already gone. I kept Simon and Jenny outside until the ambulance and the police got there. I…”

“You did the right thing. I’m so, so sorry you had to see that.”

“It was my fault. I knew he had a problem. I saw the empty pill bottles in the trash. He couldn’t keep a job more than a couple of weeks. I thought…I thought he was better. He seemed to like his new job and there weren’t any more pill bottles. He seemed happier. Better. I mean he’d go out sometimes and be gone a lot longer than he said he’d be gone and he…Sometimes I had a hard time waking him up for work…I guess I just wanted so badly to believe he was better that I convinced myself. I never thought he might have moved on to heroin.”

“You couldn’t have known,” I said. “This isn’t your fault.” I had plenty of experience dealing with a teenager who blamed himself for a parent’s death, but Harrison’s loss hadn’t been as recent as Kayla’s.

“But I did know he was using too much of the painkillers. I knew and I should have…I should have made him get help or told someone.”

I wished she’d told me, but I doubted I could have done anything, either. “You can’t force an addict to stop. Your father wouldn’t have accepted help until he was ready. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“How can you know that?” Tears streaming down her cheeks, and my heart ached for her. If I could have taken all her pain onto myself, I would have. In a heartbeat. “How can you be so sure?”

Jenny must have been woken by our conversation or her sister’s tears, because she climbed up on Kayla’s lap and wrapped her arms around her sister’s neck. I couldn’t imagine what Kayla must have gone through, taking care of her brother and sister when her father couldn’t. Being forced to be both mother and father when she was still so very much a child herself. Kayla cooed to Jenny and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“You’re a good kid, Kayla,” I said. “You’re a wonderful sister and daughter and if your father was here right now, he’d tell you he doesn’t blame you. I know that because I’d do the same in his place. Any parent would.”

Kayla didn’t look convinced, but exhaustion won out and her body drooped, her eyes trying to close as a yawn took over her whole body.

“Come on. Let’s get you both to bed.”

Kayla and Jenny curled up together on an air mattress and I joined Cody in bed. I had so much to do and figure out that my brain was whirring and I wanted to stay up and get started, but I knew I couldn’t function or be any help to the kids if I didn’t get sleep. I closed my eyes and drifted off.

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