Page 77 of The Deadbeat Next Door

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Carrie

I walked away from my house, the house where Cody was living, and I bit my lip hard and pulled in deep breaths. When he’d asked me to marry him…Just for a moment, I’d thought he meant it and, just for a moment, I’d wanted to say yes. Just for a moment, I’d pictured our future together, laughing and fighting and making love, and I wanted that more than I’d ever wanted anything.

Reality had hurt like a bastard when it crashed down on my head. Of course he was only asking because he needed a bride to get Bart’s land. He didn’t want to marry me and saddle himself with a ready-made family.

He’s not the guy for me, I reminded myself. He’s not the guy for me. Maybe if I told myself that enough times, I’d believe it. If only I could forget how sweet he was with the kids, how much he wanted to take care of them, even Simon had only gotten grumpier and surlier since Cody moved out.

I squared my shoulders, wiped the tears from my cheeks and walked in on world war III in the living room. Jenny was crying, loudly, Kayla was yelling at Simon, and Simon was stomping around and yelling at Kayla. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen them fight. I shut the door behind me and walked into the middle of the fray. I just stood there, hands on my hips and waited for all of them to quiet down enough for me to speak.

“Kayla,” I said. “What’s going on?”

“You always take Kayla’s side,” Simon said. “She’s the only one you really want. Why don’t you adopt her and send me and Jenny into foster care?”

I knew Simon was going through an extremely harsh time and I knew he was speaking out of fear and heartbreak, but I’d been letting him get away with a lot, probably more than I should. “Nope,” I said. “I’m doing everything I can to get guardianship of and adopt all three of you kids, and I’m not going to change my mind about that no matter what you say or do.” I took two steps toward Simon. He bared his teeth and crossed his arms over his chest. “No matter what happens. No matter how difficult you are or how many tantrums you throw, you’re stuck with me until you’ve graduated from college and are out on your own. Then, you can choose to never see me again, if that’s what you want, but I will always want you in my life.”

“You don’t mean that,” Simon said. “You’re just saying that to make Kayla want to stay.”

“Simon—” Kayla said.

I turned to her. “Why don’t you take Jenny out to swing? I’ll have dinner ready in just a few minutes.”

She nodded, scooped up a still-crying Jenny, and went out the back door. “Now they’re gone,” Simon said. “You can tell me the truth.”

I sat on the couch and patted the cushion next to me. He sat, but he didn’t uncross his arms and he didn’t look at me. “The truth is,” I said. “I’m going to do everything I can to make sure I can adopt you and your sisters. I’m going to make sure you have everything you need and I’m going to make sure you get a college education. If, during the time you’re under my care, you choose to hate me, if you choose to be angry at me, if you choose never to love me as much as I love you that’s okay. I’m not asking for or expecting your love, but I will give you mine, unconditionally.”

He continued to stare ahead, seemingly untouched by my words, and I bit back the urge to growl in frustration. I’d tried everything with him and nothing I did made him smile or relax.

“What I will not do,” I said. “Is allow you to yell at me, disrespect me, or ignore my rules in my home.”

“This is Cody’s home,” he said.

I sighed. “I won’t tolerate rude behavior towards me or your sisters in this house or in any house. If you’re rude or disrespectful, you’ll be punished as I see fit. That means you’ll lose privileges or you’ll be asked to do extra work around the house. Do you understand?”

“Yep. Can I go now?”

“No. I also think it would be a good idea for you and your sisters to talk to someone about your father’s death. I can be there with you if you’d—”

He spun to face me, his face white, his eyes wide. “I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to go to jail.”

“Jail? Why on earth would you think you’d be going to jail?”

It was like he didn’t hear me. “I know how Daddy died. It was because he took too much drugs. I…I…He told me he was hurting and he needed more pills. I was supposed to tell the doctor I’d hurt my leg and that it hurt really, really bad. The doctor thought I had a bad sprain and he gave me some pills. I know you aren’t supposed to share prescriptions, but I gave them to Daddy and then he…He died.”

I schooled my expression as best I could, but fury raged in my gut. What kind of parent put that burden on their own child? I took two deep breaths and faced Simon. Tears streamed down his face. “Honey, your dad died because he took too many drugs, he overdosed. But what he took, what caused his death, was not the pills in that bottle you gave him. He overused something else.”

Simon sniffled and wiped his nose. “Are you lying to me?”

I shook my head. “No, sweetie. I would never lie to you about something as important as this. Your daddy used a drug that is administered with a needle, a shot. Not pills that are swallowed.”

“So why’d he want the pills I got?”

Oh, god, I had just said I’d never lie to him and yet I’d never wanted to lie to a kid more than I did in that moment. “Your father was addicted to those pills, Simon. He might have wanted to stop taking them, but they made him feel good and, eventually, he felt really, really bad if he didn’t take them, so he kept on taking them. That’s why he wanted your pills. Eventually, the pills probably weren’t making him feel as good as they used to, and he found something stronger, something he shot in his arm.”

“That’s what made him die?”

“Yes, Simon. It was nothing you did or gave him. When I said I wanted you to talk to someone, I meant a therapist, someone who can help you understand all the sadness you feel right now and can help you feel better.”

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