Page 31 of The Good Guy on My Porch

“No.” I looked over at her, having completely forgotten my question, but her gaze was fixed on the mountains. “I see her all the time, but I wouldn’t say we’re close. It’s weird isn’t it?” She spoke like she was talking to herself. “How we can talk to someone every day, see them every week, and still not know them at all, not really?”

I had no response. I thought about Molly, inside, probably sleeping as she had been doing almost every hour of the day and night since she’d arrived, and I understood what Dilly meant.

Next to me, she sighed and stood. “Thanks for this, but I should get back to my laundry. I’ll be up all night at this rate.”

“You can borrow my washer. Get two loads done at the same time.”

“Thanks,” she said, her voice weary and sad. I wished I could see her face in the darkness, but I figured I’d see only sadness, the effects of the silent meal already fled. “I can handle it.”

I had a feeling she handled a lot on her own, maybe too much. “The offer stands. We’re doggy co-parents now, what’s mine is yours.”

Her breath hitched, and she just stood there for a long moment, silent. “You’re a good guy, Oscar.” Then she went inside, Buddy following her in.

A good guy. I’d rather be a sexy guy, or a hot guy, or a guy she looked forward to seeing every day, but I got the feeling maybe Dilly had enough of those other kinds of guys in her life. If I could be a good guy for her, maybe that would be enough.

Inside, Molly was on the couch, the flashing blue of the television reflecting on her face. I sat next to her, grabbed the remote from her hand, and flicked off the T.V. Dilly’s words, about not knowing the people who were closest to us, had made me question how I was handling Molly’s visit. I hated that we’d been living together without talking about anything that mattered. Had I let her down by letting her keep her secrets?

“Hey,” she protested half-heartedly. “I was watching that.”

I turned on the lamp on the end table and faced my sister. “What’s going on, Molly? Why are you really here?”

She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the coffee table. “I don’t want to talk about it, Oscar. I’m not ready.”

“You don’t have to talk about it. You can crash here for the next three months and not talk about it, but you have to stop moping around, sleeping all day, and being miserable. I’m worried about you.”

She ran a hand through her tangled blond hair, her fingers getting caught several times, and her eyes widened. “I’m a mess, aren’t I?”

I smiled. “Yeah, messier than I’ve ever seen you.” She’d always been the sister with her life together, her wardrobe stylish, her hair done to perfection.

She sighed. “If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone else and you have to swear not to offer your opinion.”

I raised my right hand. “I do so solemnly swear.”

She rubbed her hands down her face. “I’m pregnant.”

I bit back my congratulations and excited smile. I loved nieces and nephews, but Molly didn’t look happy about this news. “I assume Daniel is the father?”

She nodded. “Don’t judge me, Oscar. This was never what I wanted. My career has always come first. I have huge goals and getting pregnant, having a family, was never one of them.”

I rubbed her back in small circles. She dropped her head forward and placed a hand over her mouth, her body shaking. When she looked up, there were tears in her eyes.

“Daniel is thrilled about the baby. He says everything will work out, that we’ll raise our baby together and neither of our careers will be put on hold, but I know…” She shook her head. “I’ve seen it happen to too many of my friends, Oscar. They get married, have a baby, and, no matter how determined they are to keep their careers, they start to fall behind. Even if they don’t miss any work and put in the same effort, they’re treated differently. It’s always the mom who gets called by the daycare and the school and—”

“And you could work all that out. I know you. When you want something, nothing holds you back.”

“Maybe.” Tears spilled over her cheeks. “I’m not sure I want the baby, Oscar.” Her voice was low and heartbroken. “No child should be unwanted and unloved, and I can’t…I won’t bring a baby into the world to be ignored and cast aside as a distraction from what really matters to me, my career.”

“You really think you wouldn’t love and adore that baby once she was here?” Molly was driven, but there wasn’t a cruel or heartless bone in her body. The very fact she was so worried proved that.

“Do you know what I thought?” she asked. “When I found out I was pregnant?”

I just waited.

“I was horrified. I wanted to go back to the moment Daniel and I had been careless and undo it. I cried like my life was over, because that’s how it felt. And then…” She swallowed hard. “I thought if I had an abortion and it got out, my career would be over anyway. I might be a pro-choice candidate, but the world would look at me, someone with the means and the ability to raise a child, and they would think I’d made a selfish choice.”

“It’s not selfish. Everything you’ve said to me has been about the wellbeing of your child.”

“But that wasn’t my first thought. My first thought was of my career. How could I ever be a good mother when I was weighing my child’s life against my career, when I was considering a life-altering decision in terms of what it would do to my political chances?”

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