Page 75 of The Good Guy on My Porch

Lance’s frown deepened. “And how often does she have a bad week?”

I looked out the window. His pity was making me claustrophobic. “It’s not that often. It’s fine. It’s really not a big deal at all.”

He was silent for so long, I relaxed, figuring he’d accepted my answer. “It’s a huge deal, Dilly. You’ve been caring for your mother, keeping her secret, making the kind of sacrifices most people our age can’t even imagine. I can’t even imagine. You deserve to have someone to talk to about this, someone to lean on when it gets tough. I know Carrie would want to be that person for you, she’s going to be hurt you didn’t ask that of her.”

I didn’t say anything. He might be right, but that didn’t mean it would have been fair of me to place my burden on Carrie.

We drove the rest of the way to town in silence and, when he pulled up in front of my mother’s apartment building, I wished the drive had been longer.

“Do you want me to come in?” he asked. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No. People she doesn’t know scare her.” I stopped, my door open, halfway twisted to get out. “Thank you, Lance. You’re a good friend, even though I don’t deserve your friendship.”

He grinned. “I haven’t made it easy, either.” He stuck out his hand and I shook it. “Truce?”

“Truce.” I yanked his hand toward me and wrapped my arms around him in a big hug. Then, I got out of his car, shut the door, and walked toward my mother’s building.

***

Oscar wasn’t on the front porch when I finally got home that evening, which was just as well, because I wanted his arms around me more than I wanted my next breath. If he’d been there, I’d have very likely begged him to take me back and forgotten all the reasons I was bad for him, all the reasons he deserved better.

It had taken nearly two hours to calm my mother down. She’d been a sobbing, shaking mess. Luckily, Mary was gone by the time I’d arrived, but Aunt Melly apologetically assured me she’d seen enough to know just how dire the situation was with my mother.

Buddy met me at the door. My face muscles felt creaky and stiff when I smiled down at my sweet baby. I dropped to my knees, wrapped my arms around him, and burst into tears. I cried until my head ached and my stomach grumbled with hunger. Buddy didn’t leave my side during my crying jag, but stayed there, a stoic comfort.

“I love you, Buddy.” I ruffled his fur and scratched between his ears. “You want to go for a walk?” He bounced in place and his tongue hung out in excitement. I leashed him up and took him out. The view of the mountains and the quiet of the late afternoon soothed me and gave me hope that everything would work out okay.

Back inside, I got Buddy set up with some dinner and grabbed my phone. My call went straight to Carrie’s voice mail, so I left her a message asking her to call me back right away. I tried to keep it light, because I didn’t want to scare her, but I needed to talk to her before she heard the truth from someone else.

My cupboards were practically bare, but I didn’t want to go out and risk running into someone who’d already heard the news about my mother. I fixed myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and was halfway through it when a knock at the door interrupted me mid-chew. My appetite vanished, and my heart dropped. I was sure it was someone who’d heard about my mother and wanted to get the story from me.

The knock came again. I put down my sandwich, swallowed, and stood. I pulled in a deep breath and walked to the door.

I swung the door open and my breath caught. He looked so good, his hair damp like he’d just taken a shower, his shirt fitted, his smile careful. It took everything I had not to grab him and drag him inside. “Oscar.”

“Dilly. I wasn’t sure you were here. I was going to walk Buddy.”

Disappointment lanced through me. Of course, he was there for Buddy. He shouldn’t be there for any other reason. “I’ve already walked him. Thank you.”

He didn’t walk away. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He looked good. Tired, but good. I wished…But wishes were useless. “Dilly. I want to try. I don’t understand why you can’t leave your mother, but I’ll support you if that’s really what you want. I don’t want to lose you.”

Hope filled me, and I felt like I could float away. I could walk into his arms and we could figure it all out together. He could meet my mom and he could…No. I wouldn’t do that to him. He’d moved to Catalpa Creek for freedom, for a simpler life, and I wasn’t going to ruin it for him. “We had a good time together,” I said, each word hurting on the way out. “The best time, Oscar, but it’s over now.”

“No.” His cheeks flushed with anger. “It’s stupid to throw away what we have over a silly argument—”

“My mother’s safety and wellbeing aren’t silly to me. I might not be as brave as you, but I’m not so heartless that I can just walk away from my mother and leave her to suffer alone.”

He sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I don’t think you’re silly, Dilly. I want—”

“You want me without a mother who needs me, without responsibilities that interfere with your plans.” I didn’t believe most of what I was saying, but I clung to the words like they were truth. I needed to believe what I was saying, or he’d never believe it.

“No. Dilly, I—”

“Please go. I’ll let you know if I need help with Buddy.”

He shook his head. “Sure. I’ll leave you alone.”

He walked away and, though I thought I didn’t have any more tears left, two slipped down my cheeks. It was for him, I reminded myself. He would be happier without me. I could never be the girlfriend he deserved.

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