Page 9 of The Good Guy on My Porch

CHAPTER THREE

Dilly

“Yes, Mom,” I said, phone hot against my ear. “I’m at home, curled up with a book. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Okay, dear,” she said, her voice choked. I could tell she was having a bad day, and guilt washed over me. “You’re such a good daughter. Thank you for staying inside today.”

“Of course. I’ll see you tonight for dinner.”

She cleared her throat. “You know I want to see you, honey. I just…I have such a bad feeling. I don’t want you to risk walking or driving tonight. Maybe next Sunday?”

I bit back a sigh. I loved my mother, I did, but she made it nearly impossible to like her. “Okay, Mom. I’ll see you next week.” I hung up feeling relief at saying goodbye, guilt about feeling relieved, and worry that she might be having a worse day than she’d let on. Worry that the next time I called she wouldn’t answer the phone, that she was starving herself or sick. She’d seemed so frail lately, both mentally and physically, and I didn’t know how to help her.

“You dragged me into this,” Carrie called from the rail of the bridge where she was strapped in, ready to bungee off the side. “Get your butt over here and cheer me on.”

I shoved my phone into my back pocket and hurried over to stand behind my friend.

“I can’t believe you convinced her to do this,” Lance, Carrie’s other best friend, said, grinning, camera at the ready.

“You’re going to do awesome, honey,” I said, ignoring Lance. He was a good guy, but he was uber-protective of Carrie. We butted heads because I was always pushing Carrie to step out of her comfort zone and he was telling her she was amazing just as she was.

Carrie twisted to look back at me over her shoulder and smiled. Then she leapt off the side and roared like she was a marauding warrior. She fell and bounced up, laughing and screaming all the way. My stomach bounced with her and my hands shook. I was going to be sick. I couldn’t do this.

“You okay?” Lance asked as they pulled Carrie up. “You don’t look so good.”

“I’m great.” I forced a smile. I would never let on to either of them how terrified I was, because then I’d have to explain why I needed to do this, why I needed to push myself, and I wasn’t ready to tell either of them my whole sad story. “Are you ready to do this?”

Lance was already in his helmet and harness. “I was born ready.” He literally skipped over to take his place and I swallowed hard against rising bile, my vision going blurry. Maybe I’d gone too far this time, maybe I’d —

Carrie plowed into me, wrapping her arms around me and bouncing up and down. “That was amazing! I’m so glad you talked me into doing it.”

I hugged her back and she hurried over to celebrate with Cody, who was off to the side with May. He and May had already jumped and had both acted like it was nothing more than taking a leisurely leap into a swimming pool.

I watched Lance jump and realized what a terrible idea I’d had agreeing to go last. I was going to die of nerves before I made it over the railing of the bridge.

As Lance bounced and rose, I strapped into a harness and put on a helmet. One of the staff members made sure everything was tight and then I was on the other side of the rail and they were hooking me to the bungee. My heart raced and my insides flipped like I was on a roller coaster. I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t…I pictured my mother, locked in her small apartment, terrified to leave, terrified to live. I closed my eyes and I leapt.

When I opened them, the ground was rushing toward me. It was exactly what it would feel like to fall from a great height, to know my end was near. It was what my mother feared more than anything else. I faced it and then the bungee caught me, and I soared back up again, the view of the valley below incredible. A laugh bubbled out of me and then another, and then I screamed for the pure joy of being alive.

Once I was back on the bridge and with my friends, the adrenaline and the joy rushing through me were like the best kind of drug. I’d been afraid, but I’d done it.

“I’ll ride back with Dilly,” Carrie said, pressing a quick kiss to her husband’s cheek. “We haven’t had any girl time in a while.”

Cody waved and got into his jeep with May and Lance, who blew us each kisses before he got in. He didn’t even ask to ride back with us, which was one of the many reasons I could never truly hate Lance. He understood that my friendship with Carrie was different than his, and he didn’t ever try to intrude on our girl time.

“That was the most amazing…” Carrie sighed. “I’m so glad you made me do that. I feel like I could rule the world right now.”

I laughed, caught up in the same rush of adrenaline and joy. I also felt stronger, not strong enough to take over the world, but to get through every day without fear, to not end up like my mother. “I’ve never doubted for a moment that you could rule the world,” I said. “You should run for office.”

I could honestly see Carrie in politics, changing policy and making the world a better place. She laughed like I was silly. “I think I’ll stick to teaching. I heard from Norma Jane that you and Abram broke up, you okay?”

“Of course. He and I were just having fun. It wasn’t serious.”

I’d been lying to Carrie for so long, I barely gave it a thought. Carrie had enough people in her life who needed her to take care of them, who needed her to listen to them whine about their problems. Besides, if I explained that I’d liked Abram because he didn’t expect a long-term, serious commitment from me, I’d have to explain why I was never going to get married or have a family like she did. I’d have to explain about my mother’s demands on me and it was far too late to tell Carrie any of that. “Once I found out he’s married and has kids, it was less fun, so I ended it.”

She gasped. “What an asshole.”

“Pretty much. He claims they have an open relationship, but I can’t be the woman taking a man away from his wife and kids, no matter what kind of arrangement they have.”

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