Page 45 of The Ice Queen in the Corner Office

I sighed. “Yeah, Mom, the door is open.”

I picked up the ball of panties, dropped them on the bed, and started folding them neatly before placing them back in the suitcase.

“You’re leaving?” she asked calmly, sitting on the bed next to my suitcase.

“I need to get back. And you’re busy, getting ready for Christmas. I’ll visit again when things aren’t so hectic.”

“You’re running away.”

I loved my mother and respected the hell out of her, so I dialed my glare down to a scowl.

My glare had been known to hurt people.

“Maybe, I’m leaving to escape a neurotic stalker. Maybe I’m afraid of him. Not one of you has bothered to ask me if I want him here.”

“Maybe you’re afraid of him because you do want him here, because you do like him.”

I dropped the panties I’d been folding onto the bed, balled them up with the rest, and threw them in the suitcase. Screw having neatly folded, nicely organized things. I just needed to get out of there.

“He’s my boss, Mother. A man you know nothing about. And I’m beginning to think you know even less about me if you honestly believe I’d jeopardize my career to…What? He’s not exactly the dating type, you know.”

She stood and wrapped her arms tight around me, squeezing me so hard tears sprang to my eyes. How long had it been since my mother, since anyone, had just hugged me? “I’m sorry, sweetheart. You’re right. I’ll ask him to leave.”

I sighed and stepped out of her arms. “Don’t do that. You need the revenue from his stay. I’ll go. I promise I’ll come back sometime in the spring.”

Mom’s eyes glistened. “You are more important to me than any amount of money, Jill. If you don’t know that…I…” She pressed a hand to her chest and pulled in a deep breath. “I hadn’t realized. You always seemed so sure of yourself, so put together, but you’re even more fucked up than Noah.”

I’d been on the verge of feeling sorry for her until her words hit me like a punch to the gut. “What? I’m…? I am not fucked up.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I worded that badly. I realized recently that your father and I damaged Noah by asking him to raise all you kids, by placing so much responsibility on his shoulders. I’d thought you were fine, so steady and calm and reassuring to the others, but I never asked what you wanted…” She reached for my hand and squeezed it. “I don’t…Since I’ve moved up here, I haven’t called as often as I should. I don’t even know what you’ve been doing in Atlanta, or how you like working at Owings Leisure.”

She’d never really known what I was doing. She’d been happy to live her life and assume I was fine. When she’d lived in Atlanta, we’d had a meal together once a week, but she’d never asked personal questions that went too deep and I’d never bothered to share. I hadn’t wanted to burden her with my problems, or maybe I’d just forgotten how to talk about myself after so many years of worrying over and discussing my siblings with her. We’d both been at fault, both been happy to keep our relationship easy, but shallow.

I sat on the bed, scrunched up tight next to her and I told her about my job and how much I loved it. I told her about the Krav Maga classes I’d been teaching. I even told her about the guy who’d punched me, and the way Alex had toilet papered his house. And I told her about Alex, about how much he made me feel, and how much it confused and scared me.

And Mom, she just listened. She laughed sometimes and vibrated with rage about that twerp who’d punched me, but she didn’t say much, just let me talk. It felt like a weakness, not just telling her about my life, but venting about my stresses and my frustrations. It also felt like a relief, like vomiting after a long day of stomach cramps. Shameful, but also freeing.

She rubbed my back and listened. “And the crazy thing is,” I said, unable to stop talking now. “Now that none of you need me anymore, I miss being needed. I wanted for so long to have a day where no one called me and asked for advice or cried or screamed, and now everyone’s doing great, better than great, and no one needs me. May doesn’t even know I hate hiking.”

“So stay,” Mom said. “Stay and talk to your brothers and sister like you’ve just talked to me. Get to know them as their sister and their friend.”

Getting to really know my family would be messy and, likely, uncomfortable, but I needed to do it. I’d missed them all too much to keep going on the way I’d been going. “Okay.”

“You have to ask Alex to leave,” she said. “Face him, too, and find that closure you need.”

“Kind of hard to find closure when I work with him every day,” I muttered.

“So find a new job. Or date him and keep working there, but maybe…Maybe take a chance, Jill. Step outside your comfort zone and take a risk. You’ll never figure out who you are if you keep hiding.”

I sat up straighter and stared at her. “I’m not hiding. And I know exactly who I am. I’m an accountant and I’m…I can kick the ass of any man who lays a hand on me. I’m…”

“You’re my wonderful, brilliant, beautiful daughter,” she said. “But I’m not talking about your job or your martial arts prowess, I’m talking about who you are inside, what you want out of life, what you value.” She pressed a finger to the center of my chest. “What matters to you here, at the heart of you.”

I wanted to argue with her, but I couldn’t because I didn’t have the answer.

She patted my cheek, stood, and walked out of my room, leaving me more confused than I’d been before she walked in.

She stuck her head back in. “It’s okay not to have all the answers, honey. That’s part of being human. It’s hard and it’s uncomfortable, but it’s better than the alternative.”

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