Page 85 of The Endless War

KERIS SCREAMED, ANDwhat rational piece of Zarrah’s mind remained knew this moment was cutting a wound in her soul that would never heal. But her anger wouldn’t allow the hurt to rise. Wouldn’t allow her grief or guilt. Her anger took his pain and used it as fuel for its flames so that all she saw was red.

“Bleeding is mostly stopped,” Lara said, and Zarrah saw tears dripping from the other woman’s face. Her own eyes were dry as sand. “Let him go.”

She couldn’t let him go. Couldn’t unclench her fingers despite feeling the warmth of blood where her nails had broken Keris’s skin.

“Let. Him. Go.”

She couldn’t let him go because holding on to him was all that was keeping the rage in check.

Steel bit into her throat, just below her chin.

“Let my brother go.”

It was only base instinct that finally unclenched her fingers. Zarrah drew back, Lara moving with her.

“Get out,” the Queen of Ithicana said, the ice in her blue eyes undiminished by the swelling and tears. “Go deal with your thoughts somewhere they can do no harm.”

Part of Zarrah wanted the violence. Wanted to spend some of her rage in a fight, lest it consume her entirely. Knowing it was a sort of madness didn’t lessen its hold on her.

Then the door to the cabin slammed open, and Aren appeared. “We lost them.” His eyes shifted between them. “Is he …”

“He’s alive,” Lara answered. “Barely.”

Barely.

Abruptly, Zarrah found she couldn’t breathe. Scrambling to her feet, she rushed past Aren. Out onto the open deck and to the fore of the ship. Icy wind ripped at her hair and clothes, and she willed it to cool her anger, but it only flamed hotter.

My aunt murdered my mother.

Her own sister. Her own flesh and blood. And that meant it hadn’t just been Zarrah’s mother that her aunt had sent Silas to kill; it had been Zarrah as well.

Memory of that moment filled her mind’s eye. Of her aunt galloping toward her, face a mask of fury. Fury that Zarrah had once believed fueled by what had been done but now realized was fueled by what had been leftundone.

Yet instead of finding another way to kill her, her aunt had done something far worse. Had manipulated Zarrah into the exact opposite of what her mother had dreamed for her. Had made her into a tool to perpetuate the war her mother had wanted to end.

Death would’ve been better.

Death would’ve spared her this moment of looking back and realizing that Bermin was right. She was a pawn.

A scream boiled up in her throat, and falling to her knees, Zarrah hammered her fists against the deck until her skin split. Then she pressed her forehead to the wood and wept.

A long time passed, and then a voice said, “What do you want to do?”

Lifting her head, she searched the darkness until she found Aren’slarge outline. “Take me to Pyrinat. I’m going to kill that bitch.”

Aren huffed out a breath. “Keris will kill me if I agree to that.”

Keris.His name sent a shudder running through her. “Is …” She couldn’t bring herself to ask the question.

“Still breathing.” Aren’s shadow settled down on the deck next to her. “He’s tougher than he looks. He and Lara are both made of sterner stuff than anyone I’ve ever met. Something in the blood. Their mother was from one of the desert tribes, so the ability to survive the worst runs in their veins.”

Zarrah didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer, because it felt like none of the air she breathed reached her lungs.

“He’ll want me to convince you to see reason,” Aren eventually said. “And I owe him enough to try.”

“Why do you feel like you owe him anything?” she demanded. “He stabbed you in the back when he turned Silas on Eranahl.”

Aren was silent, the only noise the pounding of surf against the ship’s hull. “There are moments in life where one stands at a crossroads, and each path leads to a future so wildly different from the other that it seems impossible they stemmed from the same place. Most of the time, the ripples of those choices touch only a few. But sometimes a choice is made, and the ripples are not ripples at all but rather tsunamis that tear across the world, altering everything in their path.” He was quiet again, then said, “I know where I stand now, but I can also see where I would have stood if Keris hadn’t chosen you, and for my part, I’m glad he did.”

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