Page 53 of The Twisted Throne

“Sounds about right.” Her cousin had never wanted to be a soldier, but Taryn was one of the bravest people Ahnna had ever met.

“People always talk a big game about being willing to endure anything and everything for their cause. To die for it. But do you know how rare that capacity really is?”

Bronwyn sat up, pushing Ahnna out of the way as she did and then resting her face in her hands. “Those of us in the compound were pitted against one another, a competition to be the one who’d go to Ithicana to destroy the great oppressor of our people. None of us realized that our father intended to sacrifice the rejects in the name of secrecy, so we were all motivated for different reasons. Honor. Pride. Justice. Loyalty. But me…I was motivated by fear. Not fear of losing, but ofwinning.Because there was no worse fate that I could possibly imagine than having to wed a man.”

Ahnna remained silent, listening to her friend’s confession, because it struck her that she might well be the first to ever hear it.

“We had to sit through these lessons with Mistress Mezat, who taught us the art of the bedroom.” Though her head was still in her hands, Bronwyn shook it. “Let me tell you, she held nothing back. All of us were maids, but we learned everything there was to know about pleasing a man in the bedroom by the time she was through with us. What she told us kept me up at night. Haunted my dreams, sleeping and awake, and I went from wanting to win to beingdesperate to lose so that I could avoid enduringthat.I had no thought for my people. No thought for politics. No thought for all the good I might do if I took down the great oppressor. All I cared about was protecting myself from the worst horror I could imagine.”

It was tempting to offer Bronwyn absolution, but Ahnna couldn’t help but wonder if her words would be driven by the fact that, in refusing to win, Bronwyn had refused to attack Ithicana. Which wasn’t the absolution the other woman was looking for.

“At the time, I was too lost in fear to hate my own weakness, but since…” Bronwyn trailed off. “Hearing what Taryn did, how she stood strong…I admire her fortitude. Taryn has a strength that so few people possess, and to allow her to be consumed by anger after she stood strong for so long would be the greatest of tragedies. I would like to prevent that.”

“You cannot hang your own self-worth on whether Taryn chooses to burn herself up or not,” Ahnna said.

“No, I can’t.” Bronwyn rose to her feet. “However, I can hang it on how hard I try for someone I have come to call my friend.”

Ahnna silently watched Bronwyn depart into Taryn’s adjoining room, then stared at the ceiling for a long time, her thoughts a twisting mess that seemed to make less and less sense with each passing second.

You need to sleep,she told herself.You can’t think when you’re this exhausted.

Which was true. Except someone needed to be alert. She’d sent Jor to bed on her way in because his cough was growing worse by the moment. Taryn had been drinking and was slipping into one of her moods. And Bronwyn was obviously in Harendell on a mission of her own.

You’re in a palace in the sky full of Harendellian soldiers,her exhaustion murmured.You don’t need to be on guard here.

Except she’d said much the same the night the Maridrinians had attacked Southwatch. An impenetrable island protected by soldiers and storms, what was one night of letting down the guard to celebrate? Ahnna trailed her fingertip down the scar that marked her face, the permanent reminder of what it meant to lower her guard, then rose to her feet and left the room.

Well past the midnight hour, the halls were quiet and softly lit, the only signs of life the occasional servant answering a bell rung in one of the rooms and the soldiers standing at regular intervals in the hallway, all of them offering her bows or curtsies but no interference as she prowled the hallways. Out of respect, Ahnna did not enter any of the rooms. Though in truth, what she sought was fresh air, the palace oppressive, given she was used to spending her days in open spaces.

Discovering a door that led out into the courtyard, she found herself face-to-face with a soldier bearing medals and ribbons declaring him a captain. “Your Highness,” he said, bowing low, “if you wish to venture down to the city, I’ll need time to organize an appropriate guard.”

“I only wanted air,” she said. “May I walk on the exterior wall?”

“I’ll arrange—”

“Alone,” she interrupted. “I’m quite capable of taking care of myself, which I’m sure you’ve already heard.”

He looked ready to argue, but rather than giving him the opportunity, Ahnna smiled, then started up the stairs leading to the top of the wall that encircled the palace. Where she stopped, her hands pressed against the stone as a slight sense of vertigo took over, a gasp escaping her lips.

For she was surrounded by stars.

This was what she imagined it was like to fly at night. Below, all that was visible were bits of gold from lanterns and torches in thecity, and because of the sheer height at which she stood, the starry sky stretched over her like a light-specked dome. It was also cold, the wind biting at her skin.

“You shouldn’t be up here alone.”

Ahnna whirled, knife in her hand—

Only to find James standing behind her. His face wasn’t visible in the darkness, but the height and breadth told her that it was him as much as his voice. The adrenaline surging through her veins moved from fear to something she refused to put a name to.

“I thought I was only forbidden from being alone in the company of a man, not being alone entirely.”

James ignored her jab. “It’s not safe.”

“How fortunate that you’re here now to protect me,” she said, then silently cursed how breathy her voice had turned. Prayed he wouldn’t be able to tell over the noise of the wind.

Instead of retorting, James moved to rest his hands against the balustrade, looking out into the darkness. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “For how my brother spoke to you tonight. It was uncalled for.”

His whole body sang with tension that made her think that more had happened than what she’d witnessed. “You might have used more cultured words, but the sentiment was the same.Leave.However, you are both destined for disappointment, because your father, the king of Harendell, seems very much to want me to stay.”

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