Page 14 of Off the Wall

Me

You get jokes.

Cullen

I used to. When you said stuff that was actually funny. What are you up to right now.

Me

Just crushing life. And by that, I mean doing laundry. In the basement. And yes, it’s as glamorous as it sounds.

Cullen

Speaking of glamorous, have you met any new lady-friend prospects in your building?

Me

Lady-friend prospects?

Cullen

The Serendipity is supposed to be the love shack, right? Like that song Mom always used to sing. Everybody moving. Everybody grooving. You got any moving and grooving going on there yet?

Me

I don’t think Mom had any idea those lyrics are about a hookup joint. And I’m so not interested in that. This building is more about … actual romance. Also not interested.

Cullen

But what if love came bang-bang-banging on your door?

Me

You’re not going to change my mind by quoting the B52s. Badly. Just let me be single, all right? One of us Briggs needs to represent bachelorhood. Might as well be me. I’m the only one left.

Cullen

You’re breaking my heart, Bro.

Me

Don’t feel bad for me, man. I’m all good. No woman, no cry.

Cullen

Now who’s quoting songs badly?

Me

I’ll see you Saturday.

Cullen

Okay. I can take a hint. I’ll leave you alone, baby brother. But I hope you and your dryer sheets have a really satisfying night.

Me

Was that supposed to be dirty? Because if so, you’re losing your touch.

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