“I’m on my way. How is she?”
Sage doesn’t respond right away.
“Sage, what’s going on? How’s Charlotte?”
“She’s fine. Just get here safe and sound. The nurse said it’ll be awhile before the baby comes. So, take your time.”
Her voice is high-pitched, but I don’t know Sage well enough to know if that’s her excited voice or her worried one. I trust her for now and hope that she’s telling me the truth.
“Okay, I’ll see you soon.”
“Soon. Yeah. I’ve got to go.”
The line dies, and the silence strangles me. I turn on the radio to distract myself from my thoughts. Traffic is light, thank God, but time doesn’t move any quicker.
I tune into a podcast. It’s a parenting one I recently downloaded, hosted by two dads. My father was present in my life, but for reasons I can’t explain, I don’t go to him for advice. I want to be a different father than him. I want to be a friend, but also someone my child can depend on.
I smack my steering wheel. Hell of a way to start—missing the birth of my baby.
Charlie.
I promised him I’d be there for the birth.
“Come on,” I whisper to the silence.
Sitting in the car all by myself, the loneliness weighs down on me. What am I doing with my life? What is my purpose? Is it to win the World Series? To build a legacy team? Or is it more personal than that? I always thought grandiose dreams made me a bigger person. But was I happy? I don’t know if I was.
I genuinely smile whenever Charlotte walks into a room, or when she teases me or laughs at one of my stupid jokes.
I’m proud whenever Charlie throws the ball the way I showed him. My throat clogged up when he asked me if I would help him shave when the time came.
I felt connected to life in those moments. They filled my cup, as Sage would say.
When I hit the open roads, I press on the gas and speed toward Cedar Brook Falls.
In less than four hours, I pull into the local hospital’s parking lot. It’s a lot smaller than any hospital I’ve been in, and I worry about the care Charlotte and the baby will receive. I make a mental note to fly my doctor in to check on them.
The woman at the information desk recognizes me, but I don’t know where I’ve seen her before. “Charlotte’s in delivery. Take those elevators to the fourth floor.”
“Thank you.” I press the elevator button repeatedly, willing it to move faster.
The doors finally open and I find Sage standing further down by a doorway. She stops me from entering the room. “You can’t go in there.”
“Why not?”
“The doctors are in there and they’re assessing the situation.”
“What situation?”
I step to the left to get inside the room.
I need to see her.
“The baby’s heart rate is dropping and so is Charlotte’s blood pressure. They’re looking for the cause.”
“Move out of my way, Sage.”
Charlotte’s parents stand up, and while I’ve spoken to them briefly, her mother now stands in my way. “They told us to wait here.”