Page 50 of Love By The Falls

I turn to him. “Then what? You don’t come back for another three or four years?” I shake my head. “I’m not doing that to Charlie. I know how it feels to be abandoned by someone you love, someone you thought would be there for you. If you’re not planning to stick around, I think it’s best we don’t tell Charlie who you are.”

He leans back. “That’s not fair.”

“Not fair? To whom? To you?”

“And to Charlie. He should know who his father is.”

“He’s never asked me. Maybe he doesn’t want to know.”

“Or maybe he’s too afraid to bring it up if you never have. If you don’t think he’s curious, then you’re delusional.”

I grip my glass tighter. “Don’t call me names, Jason. This won’t end well if you do.”

“When did you become this angry person?”

My eyes bug out and my mouth hangs open. I’m speechless—utterly speechless. “I became this person because of you, Jason! If you think what you did doesn’t affect a person and change who they are, then you are the delusional one.”

“I thought we weren’t to call each other names?”

“Fuck you, Jason.” I know I’m out of line, but I’ve wanted to say that to him for ten years. “I won’t sit hereand pretend that we’re on even ground. You left me. You hurtme.”

“And you knew I didn’t want to be a father, but you continued with the pregnancy, anyway.”

“That’s right. You didn’t want to be a father, so why the do you want to be one now? Or is this just an itch you want to scratch? Some curiosity that has you wondering who Charlie is? I won’t risk his well-being for that.”

He looks around the room, but I couldn't care less if anyone’s listening. “It’s more than a curiosity. It’s hard to explain. Most of my friends and colleagues are married and have families now. I wonder what it would have been like if we had waited. Maybe after a few years of marriage, we would have wanted to start a family. But, I have a son, and even though I wasn’t ready to be a father then, I think I’m ready now.”

“You think? It’s not like buying a shirt you can return. This isn’t about you, Jason. Do you still not get that?”

Deb approaches the table, catches my eye, and immediately returns to the bar.

“You’re taking my words and distorting them on purpose, and you know it,” he hisses.

“No. I’m not. I’m looking out for my son.”

Jason takes a deep breath and leans back in his seat. “I don’t want to fight with you, Charlotte.”

I watch him carefully. I’m not fooled by his calmness. He didn’t have a temper, but his feelings could change on a whim.

When I don’t respond, he sighs again. “What will it take for you to allow me to see him?”

My leg bounces beneath the table. Annoyed, I hate that he’s turned this on me, that he expects me to find a solution to his problem. “I’m not looking to control you. I just don’t want Charlie to get hurt.”

“Fine. We don’t tell him who I am, at least not at first. When you’re ready, we will tell him together.”

I stare at him, wondering what he’s up to. Does he really just want to get to know Charlie, or is it something more?

“You don’t get to take him without me, do you understand? I must be there the whole time.”

“All right. I can agree to that. Anything else?”

“We meet in a public place first, a park or something. This way, when I think it’s time to go, we leave.”

Jason hesitates, but eventually nods. “I want to see him tomorrow.”

“He’s got school tomorrow and then homework.”

“I’m sure he’ll be happy if you surprise him with a stop at the park on the way back home.”

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