I say nothing.
He turns and leaves, the metal door to the club slamming shut behind him.
I can’t go after him to explain. People will see; they’ll film me. I’m trapped in place, everything collapsing around me, and I’ve just signed Ethan’s death warrant. The moment Ranger finds out what he knows, Ethan will die.
I turn for the office on shaky legs, stomach swimming with nausea, tears stinging my eyes.
How could I have done that? How could I have been so fucking selfish and dragged Ethan into this?
I put my foot on the first step and look up, my fingers gripping the railing tighter when I see him.
Axel standing at the top of the stairs.
“I wanted to wait for you,” he says, his voice monotone. “I wanted to apologize for causing a scene.”
I can’t breathe. A chill climbs across my chest and back, and my knees almost buckle.
“You promised me you didn’t do it.”
“I…” My lip trembles. I can handle Ethan hating me. I can cope with his disappointment. But not Axel’s.
He descends the stairs to pass me, but I block his path.
“Axel, please let me explain.”
“Explain what? That you’re a murderer? Just like he is?” His eyes fill with tears. “We’re not like them, Denver. We never were. How could you do it?”
“It’s complicated, Axe,” I whisper. “I found out about the other women, and I just… It’s not simple. It’s not. You know what our life is like.”
“It isn’t our life!” he shouts, his voice echoing through the hallway. He looks like a kid again—the troubled teenager who needed me the moment I’d walked into his life. “We have achoicenot to be like him.” He moves my arm and strides by me. I follow.
“Axel, please, please don’t leave!” I beg, tears falling down my cheeks. “You know me! You know I wouldn’t have done it unless I didn’t have a choice!”
“You always have a choice!” he says, whirling on me. “He’ll never let you go now. You do realize that? All our plans, make-believe or not, will never happen. Because if you’re stuck, I’m stuck.”
“No.” I shake my head and grip his jacket. “I’ll get you out. I will.”
“But I won’t leave you,” he says. “I can’t leave you behind, Denver. You’re my family.”
I’m close to sobbing. “I’m sorry.”
“For who? Me or Wyatt?” He pulls from me and leaves.
I sink to the ground, face in my hands.
I’ve never felt the impact of my actions more than right now. I didn’t just kill Wyatt; I’ve sentenced Axel to this life, too. Because he won’t leave me, he will always be by my side, and I should have thought about that before I pulled the trigger.
I let my head drop back, my chest shaking with sobs. Have I always been this selfish? I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m just as much of a victim as Axel, but maybe I’m not. I could keep my distance from Ranger if I wanted to; I could live in his house and not let him hold me, but I don’t. Because despite everything I hate about this life, it feels like this world keeps me going. It feels like it’s part of my lifestream, pumping through me, not just keeping me alive but letting me thrive. Maybe I’m more like Ranger than I’m willing to admit.
I pull myself to my feet, palming away tears. I need to fix this. I need to protect Ethan and Axel, even if it means throwing myself at the mercy of Ranger.
I erase the CCTV. I’ll think of an excuse if Ranger notices. I go to the office and after pulling on my jacket, take a deep breath.
I’ll talk to Ethan and explain. He won’t go to the police; he’s smarter than that, and even if he does, I can spin it. He’s a jilted lover looking for revenge, acting out when I rejected him after a vacation romance. Easily fixable. The conspiracy theorists will eat that up.
God, how can I even be thinking like this? I’m attacking Ethan without him even having made a move. I’m prepping for an attack that might never come.
I’m acting like Deluxe.