Page 81 of Heatwaves

I could be happy with Wyatt and the four of them. We’re fated mates—which means we fit together perfectly. We could have an amazing life together.

But I just don’t know if I can let go of the hurt. I’ve buried it so deeply over the years that it feels like it’s a part of me now. With how badly they hurt me, how can I just forgive them? How can I just take them back? Wouldn’t that be betraying myself?

Tears trail down my cheeks, hidden in the water flowing over me. My nearly silent sobsare covered by the sound of the shower beating down on me.

I don’t know what to do.

Which is why I haven’t made a decision before now.

It might make me an asshole, but I just don’t know if I can give them a second chance. If I do, there’s a chance they could hurt me all over again. I’d have Wyatt with me this time to pick up all my broken pieces, but is that fair to him?

Because I can’t make this decision without thinking about him too. He’s a part of me now—even if we haven’t finished the mating bond—and he always will be. He seems to want me to forgive them, but I don’t think he realizes just how bad it will be if they hurt me again.

I might not recover this time.

Once my sobs dissipate, I turn the water off and step out of the shower. I take my time getting dressed but avoid looking in the mirror. I don’t need to see what I look like right now.

Deciding comfort is the way to go today, I pull on a pair of sleep shorts and one of Wyatt’s tees before yanking my hair into a high ponytail. I probably look like death warmed over, but the shower helped with the headache.

As much as I don’t want to have this conversation, I’m as ready for it as I’ll ever be.

Squaring my shoulders, I leave the safety of my bedroom and head down the hallway. I find all five of them sitting around the table, eating breakfast.

“Oh, good, you’re up.” Ty stands, cheeks a bright pink as he ducks his head. “I made breakfast.”

Forcing a smile, I nod but move to pour myself coffee before sitting at the table. “Thanks, Ty. I’ll eat in a bit. I need caffeine more than food right now.”

Ty’s face falls as he nods and takes his seat once more. Pain jabs at my chest at hurting him, but I don’t think it’s going to get any easier.

“Look, guys, I don’t want to dance around the elephant in the room. I had a good time with the four of you last night, and if you would’ve said yes last night, I would’ve slept with you. There’s no denying there’s a connection between us, but I just…“ I set my mug down, staring down at the table as I ready myself to rip their hearts out. “I’m just not ready. I’m sorry. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but part of me can’t let go of the pain you caused andtrying to have a relationship with that inside of me? I just don’t see how that’s fair to any of us.”

Silence follows my declaration—no one moving or speaking. I still can’t bring myself to lift my eyes away from the table as tears form at the back of my eyes.

This is the right thing, isn’t it? But if it is, why does it hurt?

Someone clears their throat before Carter speaks. “Of course, Lila. You can take all the time you need. This isn’t a decision we can force on you. Last night probably shouldn’t have happened, so we’re sorry for crashing your date.”

I bite my lip when his voice cracks, pain lancing through me.

Sounds of chairs pushing away from the table ring out as I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Don’t worry, precious,” Oliver says, brushing a hand over my hair. “We’ll be waiting when you’re ready.”

“Yeah, kitten. No harm, no foul. We’ll just get out of your hair so you can enjoy your day off.” Aidan’s voice is tense, but his words sound genuine.

There’s a shuffling beside me before I feel someone’s hot breath on my cheek, their lipsmillimeters from my skin. “I’ll keep holding onto the hope that one day you can forgive us, Lila. It’s the only thing that keeps me going every single day.”

Ty doesn’t attempt to hide the tears in his voice as he kisses my cheek, a stray tear slipping down his lips to splash against my skin. Then he’s gone.

My bottom lip trembles as I forget how to breathe. My hand lifts to my chest, pressing as if my touch alone can stop the pain I’m feeling.

They’re leaving me again, but this time it was my choice.

I manage to hold back my tears until I hear the door shut behind them. As soon as it does, I lose it. Tears stream down my face and sobs overtake me as I lift my eyes to meet Wyatt’s.

“Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn’t hurt this much, should it?”

Wyatt sighs, hurrying around the table and pulling me into his arms. “It hurts because you love them, and you have since the moment they landed in your life. You’re not just punishing them, you’re punishing yourself.”

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