Page 82 of Heatwaves

“They left me,” I barely manage to get out, close to hyperventilating.

“Because you told them to, Lil. They’re just doing what you asked of them.”

I shake my head, wanting to deny his words even though I know he’s right. This pain I’m feeling right now? I caused it. There’s no one else to blame.

All because I’m too fucking stubborn to let the past go.

“I c-c-can’t,” I stutter. “I can’t.”

Pulling away from Wyatt, I race for the door.

The further I walk away from Lila, the more my heart breaks.

Thank the gods that the others forced me to see Dr. Gregory. Without the work we’ve been doing daily, I wouldn’t have survived this setback. Because that’s all it is—a setback. I can’t think of it as anything else, or I’ll lose myself to the darkness still looming inside my head.

She’s allowed to take the time she needs.

She’s not saying no.

Even if she says no, I have people who love me—who depend on me.

I just have to keep the hope alive.

I can do this.

I sigh as I go through the affirmations Dr. Gregory and I came up with to help me cope with setbacks such as these.

I’m still not sure I’ll survive if she decides she can’t have anything to do with us, but Dr.Gregory says I can’t borrow tomorrow’s trouble. I just have to focus on the here and now. I don’t know what the future will bring, and all I’ll do is drive myself crazy if I think about the what-ifs.

“Are you okay, Ty?”

Glancing up at Aidan, I nod as we stop beside our car. My tears have finally stopped, and even though I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and stomped on, I’m okay. I have to be okay—for my pod, if not for myself.

“It hurts, but we can’t rush her. She has to decide on her own. We can’t force it.”

Carter’s smile is a little sad as he pulls me against him. “I’m so proud of you, Ty.”

He leans down to kiss me, the two of us breaking apart when we hear Lila’s front door open.

Spinning around, I find my mate flying down the stairs. Her brunette hair is falling out of the ponytail she put it in and her hazel eyes are puffy and red. Tears stream down her face, and I can’t help taking a step toward her. I don’t like seeing her hurting, and right now, that’s exactly what she’s doing.

“Lila?” I choke up moments before she launches herself into my arms.

I’m thankful the car is right behind me as I stagger at her unexpected weight. Her armsloop around my neck and her legs wrap around my hips as she buries her face in my neck.

“Please don’t leave me again. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I’m so stubborn. I love you, and I hate seeing you hurt. I’m hurting you and me and the others. I’m so fucking sorry. I don’t want to push you guys away. I want to love you and be loved by you. Please, just don’t leave me.” Lila’s words are rushed, and it takes me a moment or two to figure out what she’s saying.

I close my arms around her, clinging to her just as much as she’s clinging to me. I lift my eyes to glance at my pod, finding each of them staring at our mate in disbelief.

Just moments ago, she’d practically been pushing us out the door. Now, she’s clinging to me and asking me not to leave her—for us not to leave her.

“Never,” I murmur in her ear. “I’ll never leave you again. You’re stuck with me for the rest of our lives.”

Lila pulls back to meet my gaze, blinking away the tears still falling. “You promise?”

“I promise. Never again.” And because I can’t help myself, I crash my lips against hers.

Having her in my arms is a balm for my soul. This is what we should’ve had ten years ago.

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