Page 119 of Empty Net

“I hope you don’t mind if I turn in,” Lilah says, her voice so sudden in the otherwise quiet apartment that it makes me jump. “I’m exhausted and can feel a migraine coming on.”

Being the kind of woman she is, my mother smiles sweetly, meaning it to her core, and says, “Of course not, sweetheart. Go rest. We’ll be fine on our own.”

She wraps Lilah in a hug, and it’s so fucking hard to watch the way she clings to my mother, like she’ll never see her again. I have to look away.

When she turns to me, she hesitates, but it’s only for a moment. She pushes up on her tiptoes and presses her lips to my cheek. I turn my head, inhaling the familiar floral scent I’ve come to associate with her.

“Peonies.”

She pulls back, brows turned inward. “What?”

“I’ve been trying to figure out your perfume for months now, and I finally got it. It’s peonies, isn’t it?”

Her mouth floats open, her blue eyes bright with surprise.

Then she snaps it closed and mumbles a soft “Good night, Arthur” before hurrying out of the room.

I stare after her for a long time. So long that my father pats me on the back as he passes by, heading for bed himself, and it’s just me and Mama left. She stands beside me, resting her head against my shoulder as I stare down the hall at thespare bedroom door. One and three-quarters inch. That’s all that separates us, yet it feels like a thousand miles or more.

“Was this my fault?” she asks quietly, lifting her head from my shoulder.

I look down at her. “What? Why would you think that?”

“For what I said about wanting to see you happy. You two disappeared after that, and I was afraid I upset you.”

“No, Mama. It wasn’t you. This was… This was my fault, I think. I…messed up.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shake my head once. “No.”

“I figured.” She sighs. “Guess I’ll do the talking, then.”

“Mama, I?—”

She gives me a sharp look that has me shutting my trap instantly. I nod, encouraging her to speak.

“I don’t know what happened with you two tonight, son. I’m sure you’ll tell me whenever you’re ready, and that’s fine. But I do know one thing that’s certain, and that is that tonight, I watched the two of you closely, and at least not until you disappeared did it ever seem like you were pretending. Not a single glance or simple touch or secret smile…none of it, Arthur. That was real. That waslove. And trust me, after thirty-five years of marriage, I know love when I see it. It’s not always grand gestures and big presents or life-altering moments. It’s the small things that add up. It’s coffee dates. It’s holding hands. It’s showing up when the other person has had a bad day.” She smiles softly, and I assume she’s thinking of my father and the simple life they’ve always led. “You and Lilah… That’s what you have. You have something real, and for most people, that only comes along once in a lifetime. When it does, you hold on to it. You don’t let it go. You don’t let it pass you by. You might have to wait on it a bit, but you never, ever give up. Like that play inhockey you guys do when you’re down a goal. Where you go sit on the bench while your teammates keep playing.”

“Empty net,” I provide.

“Yeah, that. Why do you do it?”

“Because we want to score. We want to win. We want to keep playing until the final buzzer. Because we…”

“Never give up. That’s what you need here.” She pats my cheek. “Don’t give up hope, Arthur. Play until the final buzzer. And even if you have to, play some more. The real thing is worth it.”

I want to believe her, I really do, but it’s hard when you pour your heart out to the woman you love and she barely acknowledges you’ve said anything.

She sighs heavily, then gives me a tightlipped smile. “Get some sleep, son, and think about what I said, all right?”

I nod, not trusting myself to say anything right now. She tells me good night, and I watch as she makes her way to my bedroom, then I pull my eyes right back to that door. I stare and stare and stare some more until my eyes and legs grow as heavy as my heart feels. Only then do I force myself from the spot, moving down the hall and past the door.

I do my business in the bathroom, taking my time because, fuck, I’m not even sure if Lilah wants me in that room next to her. It has to be well after midnight by the time I finally find myself standing outside the door, my hand hovering above the knob. And at least another ten minutes before I convince myself to actually use it.

I push the door open as quietly as I can, careful not to wake Lilah, then slip beneath the blanket she’s already hogging. The second I lie down, exhaustion from the evening sets in, and my eyes fall shut of their own accord. I’m just about asleep when Lilah shuffles next to me, and I hold my breath, knowing she’s awake and waiting for her to say something.

But, just like earlier, she doesn’t. Instead, she rolls over and puts her head on my chest just like she has so many times before, and just as I have, I wrap my arm around her and hold her close.

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