It was Fox.
That realization smacks me right in the face, nearly knocking me over, and my movements slow.
“You good?” Fox asks, still enthusiastically “clucking” his way through the song.
I hate that I like it. I hate that he’s being so embarrassing and all I can do is laugh and join in with him. I hate that he stepped in to help me again. I hate that he cares enough to do it. I hate that he’s just a really good guy, and my parents are terrible people who will probably squash that right out of him. And even more, I hate that I’m willing to let it happen to protect myself.
“Bathroom.”
It’s all I manage before I disappear through the crowd, needing an escape from…well, just about everything. From my guilt that I’m basically walking an innocent man to the gallows. From my parents’ voices that are constantly inside my head. From the fact that this went from one innocent date to anengagement, and I’m just allowing it. Add in the fact that Fox—sweet, handsome Fox—is just dancing away without a care in the world right now, and I can’t handle it. I need to breathe.
I regret the choice instantly. I’m stopped every few feet to accept congratulations on my “engagement” and to be inundated with questions about dates and even plans for babies. It’s all too much, and if I don’t get free soon, I might explode. When I finally push through the crowd, I draw in a deep, steadyingbreath, trying to get my heart to stop racing, but I can’t. All I can hear is my mother’s voice in my head.
“You’re reckless, Lilah.”
She’s right. I am reckless.This—our ruse—is reckless.
“Where’s your ring?”
I jump, whirling around to find my mother standing alone in a dark alcove like some evil character in a movie, waiting to make their move on their latest victim. I was so lost in thought I didn’t even see her there.
“Mother!” I grab at my chest, my heart racing like I’ve just jumped out of a plane or something equally firmly on my Never Doing That list. “What are you doing?”
“Where’s your ring?” she repeats, her eyes dropping to my very bare left hand.
For someone recently engaged and so in love they couldn’t wait to brag on it any longer, I should probably be sporting something to show that, but I’m not, because this is fake. She doesn’t know that, though.
“It’s, uh…”Shit, shit, shit. Think, Lilah.“We haven’t picked it out yet,” I rush out, and I know right away it’s the wrong thing to say.
One of her overly plucked brows rises. “You’re telling me this man proposed with no plans? Not even a ring?”
“It was very spur of the moment.”
“Yes, that much is obvious. He didn’t even ask your father for permission.” She hums, and who knew a hum could sound so disapproving? “That’s fine. You’ll take your grandmother’s ring.”
“What?” It bursts out of me in a panic. I clear my throat, taking a deep breath. “I just mean… Are you sure?”
My mother tips her nose high. “Of course I’m sure, Lilah. That ring was always intended for you. You should wear it.”
“You’re not saving it for Sadie?”
She sighs like she’s annoyed with this conversation. “It goes to the oldest daughter. You know that.”
Shit. I forgot about that little detail.
I swallow. “Then I’ll wear it.”
“Great.”
“Great,” I echo, but it doesn’tfeelgreat.
I don’t want to wear that ring. Not only is it hideous and not my style, it doesn’t belong on my finger. I’m not engaged. Guilt about our lie creeps in, but I ignore it, cramming it down to deal with later.
“Your father and I are going out of the country for a vacation tomorrow”—that’s news to me—“but let’s have lunch when we return. I’d love to get to know your new…friendbetter.”
The last thing I want to do is have lunch with my mother and Fox, but even so, I nod. “Okay.”
“Great. I’ll have Debra reach out and coordinate things next week. Sound good?”