Page 94 of Empty Net

“Mama, I?—”

“I swear, if another excuse comes out of your mouth, I will fly to Seattle this instant, and we can settle this in person.”

Shit. I believe her, too.

I exhale heavily, then tell her everything going on with Lilah as I pull out of the parking lot and find a spot in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the freeway. She’s quiet for a full minute after I get her up to speed on our situation. Then suddenly, she’s laughing. And laughing some more.

In fact, she laughs for another full minute before I’m finally able to get a word in, my fingers flexing on my steering wheel as traffic moves just twenty-five feet or so.

“Are you good?” I ask her.

“I’m sorry.” She coughs lightly, another chuckle. “I’m sorry. It’s just between you and Regan, I don’t know what to believe about my children’s love lives anymore.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t think it would go this far.”

“Obviously not.”

“Are you mad?”

“I’m not exactly happy. I mean, I thought when you got engaged, it would be because you’re in love and not just doing your friend a favor, but I guess I can’t fault you for that, can I? Especially after hearing how awful her parents are. That poor girl.” She sighs. “What have you gotten yourself into, Artie?”

I don’t even have it in me to be annoyed by my childhood nickname. I’m too busy asking myself the same thing she is. It’s what I’vebeenasking myself for weeks now. My teammates—mostly Lawson—have been on my ass about why I didn’t tell them about this before, Locke and Hutch are still looking at me like they know something I don’t, and I’m somehow suddenly playing some of the best hockey of my life. All of this while getting myself more and more involved in Lilah’s life every day.

So, no, I have no idea what I’ve gotten myself into. But I do know I don’t hate it. In fact, I like it. Possibly even too much.

“You have a good heart, and I know that’s why you’re doing this. I guess I just can’t understand why you’re lying to yourself.”

Her words shock me. Lying to myself? What the hell am I lying to myself about?“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you keep emphasizing how fake this arrangement is, but I can hear in your voice that you have some very real feelings for this girl.”

I could deny it. I could tell her she’s making stuff up or seeing more than what’s really there, but that’d be a lie too, and…fuck, I’m tired of lying.

I do have feelings for Lilah. I had an inkling I might before we left for the road trip, and that feeling has just grown since we’ve been gone. It’s not just because nearly every night I’ve talked to her has ended in some incredible phone sex. It’s more than that. It’s the phone calls and the way she makes me laugh and how she watches my games. It’s me ordering nachos at every restaurant we’ve been to just because they remind me of her. It’s so many little things and even all the big ones.

“Is this why you haven’t called me lately? Because you like this girl?”

“I’ve called you.”

“Three two-minute phone calls in the last few weeks isn’t calling me. Not properly.”

Shit. She’s right. I guess I have been sort of avoiding talking to her. Not because I thought she would judge me for what’s going on with Lilah—who I wasn’t lying to about the likelihood of my mother’s reaction—but I guess I just didn’t want to talk for fear of this exact thing right now. My mother knows me better than anyone. She would know if I were hiding something even if I had been hiding it from myself.

I sigh, conjuring my favorite image of Lilah: sitting at my kitchen table with a bit of nacho cheese sauce on her lip, completely oblivious to it. It’s ridiculous I love it so much, but I do. It’s so real. Soher.

Of course,otherimages also come to mind, but I won’t think of them now while on the phone with my mother.

“You really do like her, huh?”

“Yeah.” I clear my throat that’s suddenly heavy. “Yeah, I do. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but yeah.”

“Does she know?”

“Nah. She’s not interested in a relationship. I have to respect that.”

“That doesn’t seem very fair to you.”

I swallow. It’s not fair to me, but it’s what I signed up for. I knew going into this how Lilah felt, and it’s nobody’s fault but my own that I’m in this predicament now. And that’s okay. I’ll play the part of doting fiancé for Lilah. I’ll do what she asks, and I’ll keep my feelings out of it all the while. Sure, it might hurt when we end things after the party, but I’m a big boy. I can take it.

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