Page 51 of Beck

“Is it bad of me that I specifically chose a place I rarely visit to meet her? I didn’t like the idea of…” He exhaled and frowned. “I suppose, souring is the right word. I didn’t want our meeting to sour the places I like to go. That sounds awful. I’m sure she’s lovely.”

“I’m sure she is, too. But I completely understand that. You need to be able to have a safe place. A place you can keep free from issues. It was a good choice.”

At that exact moment, the hair stood up on the back of his neck, and it took everything in him to not react. He clenched his jaw and every muscle in his body to keep his fight-or-flight response from kicking in. Every time it happened, he swore it felt like someone was watching him. Previously, he would’ve studied his surroundings and walked away, but he couldn’t leave Beck alone.

“What’s wrong?”

Kole blinked, bringing Beck back into focus, and found the man on his feet and looking around. “Nothing.”

“Kole.”

The voice that brooked no argument was back, and while Kole appreciated the return of some normalcy, he wished it wasn’t at the expense of his mental health.

“I think I just need to get out of here. Are you okay to head out now?”

Beck stepped closer, lowering his head to look directly into his eyes. “We’re good to go, but talk to me.”

“Later. Please.” He wasn’t sure he had enough air in his lungs for a full conversation right then.

Beck studied him for a long moment, then nodded. “As soon as we get back.”

But he knew Beck would let it go if Kole said no. It didn’t take them long to get on the bike and back home. He felt awful for wanting the ride to last longer so that he could not have the conversation he knew Beck would want to have. How could he explain his issues? That he saw and felt things that weren’t there? That he was scared of his own shadow some days? It made him feel weak and defenceless, and he hated that. He was able to acknowledge that he was a lot better than he had been, and he truly believed that was due to his new home and the amazing people he worked with. Plus Ethan, he supposed. That thought brought a small smile to his face as they entered Beck’s house.

“Are you feeling better?” Beck asked as they removed their coats and hung them up.

Kole inhaled and let it out slowly, relaxing his body in the familiar space. “Yes, thanks.”

Beck stared at him for a long second and then headed for the kitchen. “Would you like a drink?” He rounded the counter andmet Kole’s gaze again. The corners of his mouth lifted. “A hot chocolate maybe?”

“I’d never say no to that.” Kole settled onto the stool and watched him putter around. After a few minutes, he started talking. “I feel someone watching me sometimes. It raises the hair on the back of my neck, and depending on my mood, I either run or freeze.” He huffed. “Or breakdown.” He wrung his hands, rubbing some warmth into them. “There is never anyone there, but it feels like it. I hate it. I hate that I have no control over it. When it happens, I mean.”

“How do you know?”

Kole frowned, going over his words to figure out what he meant. “Know what?” he asked when he couldn’t.

“How do you know no one is there?”

“Whenever I look around, I can’t see anyone.”

Beck poured the milk into the hot chocolate, the clink of the spoon against the mug soothing in its monotony. “People are good at hiding,” he murmured, sprinkling a small handful of marshmallows over the top. “I know that far too well.”

Kole stared down at his hands, thinking back on the earlier times. He couldn’t remember exactly when they first started happening, but there had been no one there. At least…he thought there hadn’t been. Bringing up the night of the event, the night Beck had helped him, he walked himself through the memory. It was dark, and people were walking past him. Laughter, conversation, until…there wasn’t. It had gone quiet. He hadn’t remembered that. It was as if someone had blocked his ears or turned down the volume. He remembered the feeling of unease, the tingling on the back of his neck, skating down his spine. How his hands started to shake.

He closed his eyes, sinking himself further into the memory. The hotel hadn’t been too far ahead; the lights seemed to glarebright. He looked over his shoulder, tracing the shadows with his gaze. Nothing stood out.

Swallowing, he paused. No, that wasn’t true. He didn’t want it to stand out. Warmth covered his hands, and he turned them over to grip tightly as he looked closer at the shadows. A figure disentangled themselves, stepping free. Someone with broad shoulders, hands in pockets with a baseball cap on.

His breathing increased. Who was it? His hands trembled as his heart pounded with knowledge. He snapped his eyes open.

“No.”

Beck tightened his hold on him. “I’m here.”

The words Kole had previously said to Beck settled him more than he expected. He took a breath. “Someone was there.” He met Beck’s gaze. “How did you know?”

Beck shrugged. “Your body’s responses don’t lie. If something is telling you to run, then there’s usually some reason for it.”

“But who?” Beck stared at him, and Kole realised he knew the answer but hadn’t wanted to. “Andrew.”

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