Page 10 of Best I Never Had

“I know,” she answers. “David isn’t too happy about it either.”

“Can I maybe come with you?” I plead. “I promise I’ll only take up a small bed, and I won’t even ask for snacks. Just that you check in on me every once in a while.”

“Carmen!” We both turn our heads toward my open door, Lucy’s shrill cry demanding Carmen’s attention.

She stands and places a hand on my shoulder. “Nat, you’ll be fine,” she says with a reassuring voice, trying to soothe down the slight frown on my lips before she walks away and leaves me to mentally prepare for the loneliness I’ll have to sit through in an empty apartment for the coming weeks. Or maybe even months.

I huff as I get dressed, thankful that I already planned on what to wear since our doorbell is starting to ring nonstop.

The black pleather pants and matching corset I decided on cling to me, lining my curves and exposing a small sliver of my abdomen. My dark hair, shiny and pin-straight, billows down my bare shoulders as I apply a fresh layer of cherry-red lipstick in front of my floor-length mirror.

When I walk into the living room, I see Lucy, who’s dressed in an emerald-green silk dress barely covering her the way a medium-sized terry cloth towel would, pouring a drink for David. Carmen is going over a playlist on her phone with music playing over our Bluetooth speakers as a man, who I assume is one of David’s friends, hovers over her to approve of her music choices. I wave a quick greeting to David before the doorbell rings yet again.

When I hurry toward the door, I find Hayden on the other side.

There was an assembly during our senior year. It was during the sweltering heat of September and our principal, Mr. Walton, decided to start the school year with a bang by introducing all the teachers, counselors, and other essential staff, including a sophomore wearing a yellow-beaked falcon costume. Along with the staff, the entire varsity football roster joined them in the gymnasium. And when Hayden entered, the crowd went wild. He jogged across the shiny wooden floor, waving toward the pullout bleachers with a wide smile on his face as a dimple pressed into one side of his cheek. His chest puffed proudly as he stood tall, the large number eight on the center of his long torso on display for all of our peers.Meeting the end of the line, he stood along with the rest of his teammates, winking at the cheerleaders and fake punching other jersey-clad football players, basking in every glory day that high school had to offer him on a silver platter.

When I see Hayden now, dark, messy hair that curls at the roots only to flick outwards at the base of his neck and the same hazel eyes flecked with chocolatey specks around the pupils, I feel like I’ve been transported back to that gymnasium. How the smell of pubescent body odor and Victoria’s Secret’s Very Sexy Now body mist will always remind me of the look on Hayden’s face when we met eyes for a fleeting second across the sea of students.

“Hayden!” I greet him. He’s wearing a crooked smile, widened to expose his teeth, with eyes that light up when my own smile spreads across my face.

Seeing him, the warm sense of familiarity giving me the assurance that he isn’t just another acquaintance I’ll have to struggle through small talk with, brings a sense of calm I didn’t expect. The same calm that washes over me when he envelops me in a gentle bear hug.

Once Hayden pulls back, he steps aside to reveal a second guest beside him. “This is Dexter.”

Dexter steps forward, taking my extended hand. “Hi, nice to meet you,” he says with a voice that’s low and raspy in a sultry kind of way.

“Hi. I’m Natalia.” I wave them in, opening the door wider for them to enter.

Lucy comes bounding. She hugs Hayden, pulling him down to her while hanging on to his neck as he wraps a hand around her shoulder.

“Come in!” she squeals. “I’m making drinks.”

Hayden steps in, and Dexter follows. I close the door and walk into the kitchen to gather the rest of the chips and chicken wings that David brought with him.

Our small apartment begins to fill with people, followed by the low rumble of chatter and peppy music. People that I assume David invited, along with some friends of Carmen, mostly fellow doctors that don’t mind letting a little loose on tequila shots, which Lucy is passing around right about now, are scattered around in clusters. I didn’t even know Carmen invited any of her colleagues, but some look as if they’re coming off a long shift, dressed in the similar rumpled scrubs that Carmen comes home in.

I stay back, sipping on the vodka and cranberry drink I mixed together in an attempt to let the thoughts of Matteo drift away from me. When all I can see is the image of him sitting on our cream-colored couch that we purchased at Crate and Barrel, telling me he couldn’t handle the pressures that his mom and I were putting on him to settle down and get married, I need air.

I step out onto the fire escape from Carmen’s bedroom, bypassing a few scattered guests leisurely chatting over bottles of beer and glasses of wine on Carmen’s bedroom floor. I lean against the cold metal railing as I look down four stories onto the sidewalk, where I watch people passing by in hurried steps. The vodka is making its way into my bloodstream, warming me and finally fuzzing the memories of Matteo, when my thoughts are interrupted.

“Got room for one more out here?”

When I turn, I see Hayden climbing out of the window to the fire escape. His large body is barely able to squeeze through the frame.

“Sure,” I say, scooting to the left to make room for him. He has a half-empty beer bottle in his fingers, loosely holding the neck as he sidles up to me.

“Getting a little crowded in there for you?” he asks, pointing his thumb into my packed apartment.

“Something like that,” I answer softly. I tilt back the rest of my drink, the vodka that settled to the bottom of the cup burning as it trickles down my throat.

A slightly embarrassing silence lingers between us, Hayden filling it with a light tap of his nails against his beer bottle.

“So, do you still talk to anyone from high school?” Hayden asks, his shoulders slightly hunched and elbows braced against the railing as his posture mirrors mine.

I shrug, coming off more awkward than the blasé nonchalance I was going for. “Not really. The occasional congratulations or happy birthday on social media. That’s about it.” I turn my head toward him. Our eyes meet for a second before we both look away.

“Yeah, me too. Not much to keep up with now that we’re all so busy with our own lives.” He pauses to swig his beer. “Mmm,” he exclaims through his pursed lips as if suddenly remembering a bit of detail that I should be aware of. “Jenny Chen married my cousin. I guess they took a class together at Ohio State and started dating after. They just had a baby last year.”

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