Page 34 of Best I Never Had

He looks at me, a small smile dancing at the corners of his eyes before it travels to the twist of his lips. “Yeah, everything’s perfect.”

We linger for a moment near the doorway before Carmen enters the living room.

“Ready?” Carmen calls, draping her jacket over her arm.

“Let’s get this show on the road,” David announces from his spot next on the couch.

Carmen and David lead the way out the door as Hayden stays by my side, waiting for me to lock the door behind me.

“I hope you’re ready for all the pumpkin spice and everything nice,” I say with a wide grin.

He grimaces. “Ugh, did you just rhyme?”

“I suredid.”

Carmen and David stand in front of the elevator with their backs to us, discussing snack options for our guaranteed post-apple-picking hunger pang as we wait for the elevator. I feel Hayden’s warmth skate over me as he stands close with his arm brushing mine through the thick layers of our clothes.

“I thought we were picking apples, not pumpkins.”

“Okay, then. Apple spice and everything nice.”

He cringes slightly in disapproval. “You’re going to have to give me a heads-up if you keep rhyming like Dr. Seuss.”

“There’s no warning,” I joke. “Sometimes I don’t even know it’s happening until I say words like ‘jive’ and ‘hive.’”

Hayden reaches his hand to cover my mouth before I slap it away. The elevator dings as I pinch the fleshy part of his upper arm. Hayden winces at the same time Carmen looks at us over her shoulder, and I nuzzle my face into Hayden’s arm. We lean toward each other, hiding our fit of giggles as Carmen eyes us with a wary look.

The drive is long, making the four of us restless. We sit while making the occasional conversation. We finally decide that we’re going to have hot dogs and apple cider for lunch while listening to the music playlist that Carmen took over.

David finally pulls into the gravel parking lot of the apple orchard, and I lean my head toward the front of the car, hooking my hands on the headrest behind Carmen.

“We’re here!” I beam in a quiet, singsongy voice, smiling at Hayden sitting next to me.

The four of us exit in unison, the slamming of the car doors creating a symphonic beat of low thuds. When Hayden rounds the trunk of the car, coming to my side, he smiles.

“Thanks for bringingme.”

“Thanks for coming,” I counter. I loop my hand around his arm, directing us to the small kiosk hut that holds stacks of baskets and wagons for people to use.

Carmen and David lead the way, her steps skipping as David smiles endearingly at her. I watch as he smoothes her hair and links his fingers through hers, kissing her temple before handing her her own basket.

I realize then that I’m more than grateful Hayden is here with me. I’m vastly relieved.

I love Carmen and David. But coming here only brings on an onslaught of memories that I have to relive as I remember what it felt like when I was happy with Matteo. And I hate that I have to relive them, even if it makes my sister happy that we’re here. Because the pain that follows doesn’t seem worth it. Remembering what it felt like to have Matteo hold my wooden basket as I filled it with apples or eat funnel cake with him only sharpens the dull pain, making the muddled memories come back with a fresh wave of heartbreak.

“Hey,” Hayden calls.

I don’t even notice when I stop walking, but he’s multiple steps ahead of me. His voice is soft and gentle as he calls for my attention. When I look at him, his smile is as soft as his voice. He tilts his head toward the entrance to the orchard as his hand reaches to clasp mine, then enveloping it and reminding me that he isn’t going anywhere, at least for the hours we’re spending away from the city.

“Let’s go,” he whispers, tugging at my hand.

I nod, following his steps and reaching my other hand to wrap around his arm. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so utterly and completely lonely.

“Mostpeople like the Honeycrisp,” I say, holding a ripe MacIntosh in my hand. “But I prefer these babies.” I wave it in front of Hayden before taking a deep bite, savoring the tarty juices.

He smirks, setting down the half-full basket and closing the distance between us with two long strides. “I think you can give up your profession in tech to become an apple connoisseur.”

“And live out here in the countryside?!” I exclaim in agreement with wide eyes. “I could even get a baby goat and a couple of chickens!”

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