Page 53 of Best I Never Had

20

Natalia

senior year

“Are you going to prom?”Yuri asks as I pick at the large bag of barbecue Lay’s sitting between us at the lunch table. Her slender fingers reach into the bag for a fresh chip before popping it into her mouth with one quick sweep.

Yuri Kim is a senior like me. We’ve been friends through most of high school, spending a lot of our time together on after-school Starbucks runs and weekend trips to the movies or to hunt for the latest fashion trends filling our local Forever 21. It feels almost surreal that we’re talking about end-of-year celebrations like prom and graduation now. The last four years flew by without either one of us realizing how quickly they did.

I shrug. “I don’t know,” I answer. I haven’t really given it a second thought. The entire task of finding a date, then finding a dress, feels a bit daunting.

“You don’t know what?” a breathless voice asks. I turn to see Lucy sliding in the seat next to mine, her hand reaching to get her own share of potato chips as she opens a cold strawberry kiwi Snapple. She gently lays the black Canon camera on the table, on loan to her from the yearbook department to catch candid shots of football practice and debate team meetings.

“I don’t know if I’m going to prom,” I answer her. “I’d rather stay at home and binge watch K-dramas.” My brows wiggle, facing Yuri. “We could both skip prom and watch ‘The Heirs.’”

Her face scrunches. “You know I don’t really watch K-dramas.”

“But they’re so good!” I argue.

She shrugs a shoulder. “I’d much rather spend a night binge watching ‘Teen Wolf’ and drool over Dylan O’Brian. It doesn’t really matter though,” she adds. “I’m already going to prom with Tyler.”

My face drops, realizing that my prospects for finding a prom date of my own are slim to none.

“You know, Mom’s going to make you go,” Lucy butts in, an apologetic yet smug face telling me what I already knew.

“Your mom makes you guys go to prom?” Yuri asks.

“She’s going to make Nat go,” Lucy explains. “She did the same to our older sister, Carmen, her senior year.”

“Well,” Yuri offers, “at least it’ll be an excuse to shop for a pretty dress.” She flicks her long hair to one side of her shoulders, her chin resting on the heels of her hands as she smiles somewhat sympathetically.

“Silver linings,” I mutter, making a mental count of prospective prom dates.

present

My brain feels like a storm is raging through it while my heart rattles in my chest, telling me to decide on one single emotion and focus on that. I’m feeling too many things at once. While those different emotions become a torrent in every nerve ending of my body, I realize I’m panicking. My entire body starts to shake as a memory I’ve buried deep starts to resurface. And that memory, along with the reality of Matteo’s engagement, causes all of those emotions to start clustering into a ball in my throat, making it hard for me to breathe.

Hayden kissed me.

Matteo’s getting married.

“Are you okay?”

I look to see Hayden’s worried eyes looking at mine while understanding that the answer to his question may be no. Instead of answering, I step into Hayden, wrapping my arms around his waist while my entire body trembles against him.

“Nat,” he whispers into my hair. “I’m sorry.” He doesn’t say anything else. He stays silent as he runs his hand up and down my back.

Why is this happening? This tightness in my chest that I can’t seem to loosen.

Why does it feel like the world is crumbling from underneath me?

I breathe in Hayden’s scent, feeling safe wrapped in his warmth. He is my safe place right now, just like when we were kids, and I don’t know if I want to leave his side just yet, if ever. I close my eyes and shudder, finally letting Hayden go and reluctantly stepping away from him.

“You think?—”

“How ’bout?—”

Hayden and I speak at the same time. We look at each other and huff an awkward laugh.

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