Page 63 of Best I Never Had

Jenny giggles, already running after Tina as they disappear into the parking lot, toward a night that requires fewer brain cells and a collective trip to Taco Bell.

I turn back to see Natalia standing in the middle of the dance floor, smiling and laughing, surrounded by her friends, with Alex close by. I take a moment to watch her and laugh when shestarts to flail her arms in the air in beat with the music. She’s singing along to whatever’s playing over the sound system, clutching her chest and pointing to her friends dancing with her in equal zeal. Her lavender dress, glittering in silk and subtle rhinestones, swishes around her while her dark hair weaves in a tumble of curls down her back, a halo of baby’s breath neatly tucked into the braid wrapped around her crown. I stand back as Alex leans down to say something close to her ear and walks away before she turns her attention back to her friends. Without Alex by her side, this is my chance.

I want to be near her. I want to say hello, tell her how beautiful she looks with the subtle flowers in her hair and soft makeup that makes her features that much sweeter. I want her to look and smile at me the way she is right now, so bright and radiant.

I walk toward the dance floor, my strides deliberate and calculated, and I stop right when the song transitions into something less upbeat and more measured with the strides of a slow strumming guitar and unhurried piano keys. Natalia stops dancing and instead begins searching the room.

“Looking for a dance partner, Marquez?” I say low into Natalia’s ear as I come to a stop behind her.

She turns slowly to lookat me, her smile dropping as she sees my face. “Hayden.”

“Expecting someone else?” I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her close to me, more than ready to swoop in the place of her prom date.

She relaxes in my arms. One of her hands moves up to gently rest on the collar of my shirt while the other lightly grips my bicep. “I was holding out for Prince Charming, but I guess you’ll do.”

“I’m just here for that dance you promised.”

We sway lightly as I move her closer toward the middle of the dance floor where the crowd is thicker.

“So where’s Spencer?” I ask. “He ditch you already?”

Her lips purse as her eyes roll into her signature expression, somehow smiling even though she wants to tell me how annoying I am. “He went outside with Tyler and Ben.”

I nod. “Leaving his date to get high. So honorable.”

She smacks my arm. “He’s not getting high.”

I shrug, not bothering to correct her. Our bodies continue to move under the scattered spotlight glittering over us, the twinkling disco ball reflecting dim flickers of light that seem to make Natalia’s face glow even brighter.

“I’m going to miss you, Marshall,” she quips with a shy smile. “You actually made AP Bio kinda fun.” Her delicate fingers start toying with my boutonniere, the soft petals brushing against the pads of her fingers.

“You aren’t getting rid of me just yet,” I answer. “We still have five weeks left of the school year.” I’m grinning like a damn fool from the pride bursting through me.She’s going to miss me.

Her smile fades, a misty wave of nostalgia passing through her as her brow furrows.

“And then we’re real adults,” she says, her voice carrying the undertones of worry and apprehension.

One of the loosecurls from her hair falls from the braided crown. When I see it kiss her temple, I brush it out of her face. She sighs against my touch as my thumb runs across her soft cheek.

It feels as if time is warping all around us. People are still chatting and dancing and laughing, but we’re moving in slow motion. The music is still playing, but it’s become hushed and muted, almost as if that too has warped into a completely different tempo. Without a second thought, I lean down and let my lips hover close to hers. Her warm breath skirts across my lips as we share the air between us. And I feel like I imagine it, but her chin tilts toward me, as if encouraging me to move even closer.

I kiss her, turning everything wrong in my life right side up so it no longer feels blundering or reckless. As if holding Natalia in my arms and realizing that I want more than a few shared laughs and playful shoves makes me feel like I can finally breathe.

Natalia pushes back, her hands bracing my arms, now rigid and trembling. Her eyes turn into saucers, and I can see her breathing kick up.

“Hayden,” she gasps. “We can’t—I mean, you’re with Jenny and…”

“Nat,” I start to say.

Her hands start to push mine off her and for a second, I don’t want to let go, even though she’s giving me no choice.

“I–I have to go find Alex.” She takes off, her heels clicking against the hard floor, and she disappears into the crowd.

present

When I walk into work Monday afternoon, I’m greeted by Hailey at the hostess counter. I’m still coming off the high of the wedding. Romantic lights, festive music, good food, and the chocolatey red velvet cake that Ashton wouldn’t stop raving about. And Natalia. We dropped Natalia off, her feet bare and her heels hooked on her fingers as she walked the quick trek from the car to her apartment. I watched as she waved goodbye, her small hand coming up as she wiggled her fingers at me. She disappeared, taking away every resurfaced feeling that I buried deep, making me realize how little had changed in the eight years since I said goodbye to her.

“Boss is waiting for you in his office.” Hailey points a thumb behind her toward the back of the kitchen where Pat’s office sits. I nod, ready to spend the day busying myself in the kitchen and distracting my thoughts from what all of these reverted feelings mean, and stalk past her.

---