Page 76 of Best I Never Had

His deep scowl and clenched jaw remind me of when I told him about Alex in bio class. I didn’t mean to tell him, but it slipped when he kept looking at me with his worried eyes. Hecoaxed the truth out of me without prodding too deeply, and it felt good to finally tell someone. But then he looked livid, like he was ready to trash the entire classroom. Every fiber in his body tensed right next to me, and I could feel the hardness radiating from his body. We never even brought up our kiss. It was as if what happened between us took a back seat when I told him about Alex, and all I could focus on was the way he consoled me with his warm hands and even gentler touch.

Maybe I shouldn’t have told him. The fewer people who know, the better. But then he got angry for the sake of my well-being. And it warmed me. It stirred a level of safety in my gut knowing that not every guy out there would be like Alex, too eager and reckless. There would be guys out there like Hayden, protective and funny and caring. Ones who wouldn’t push if I pulled away.

I continue to watch Hayden, stealing glances of him rummaging through his backpack and retrieving a bottle of Gatorade. When he smiles at his friends, he does so politely, the irate frown never fully leaving his face. And then his eyes meet mine. The grim frown that set his mouth in a firm line shifts into a relaxed smile, almost as if seeing me, safe and in one piece, is enough to wash away whatever angered him at the moment. I smile back before turning to open the second Coke can that Lucy brought, thanking her as she slides it toward me.

Maybe I should have gone to prom with Hayden.

present

“Do you think I shine?”

“What?” José looks at me as if I just asked if the sky was turning purple.

“Like, do I make—am I a happy person?”

José smiles. “Of course you are, Natalia. Why do you ask?”

I shrug. “Just asking…”

I stop to walk through the doors of Pour Toujours as a gust of wind blows past us. José peers into the restaurant, his hand coming up to wave at a man sitting at a booth before he holds the door open for me.

“Well, make sure you’re that ball of sunshine right now because Shawn is already here.”

Once I walked into work on Monday, José’s relentlessness followed me around all morning. Apparently, he set up a lunch date for me and his cousin, Shawn, that José would be joining to supervise. Without me knowing, he already decided on holding this impromptu setup at Hayden’s restaurant.

Shawn looks exactly like José described. Dirty-blond hair, full beard, and blue eyes that look like someone dipped a ladle into the ocean and poured it right into his irises. He’s a bit older than me. He just got out of an eight-year relationship and moved to the city for a fresh start. He stands as we approach the table and awkwardly brings his hands together in front of him, shifting on his feet as he greets us.

“Natalia, this is Shawn,” José introduces us.

“Hi,” I say sincerely, my smile widening as I look up at him. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” He waits for me to sit before sitting back down. A gesture I don’t miss and one that makes me catalog him into the gentleman category of New York City’s most eligible bachelors.

“So,” I start, my eyes lightly roaming over the menu, “you two are cousins? You guys look nothing alike.”

Shawn chuckles. “I got the blond hair and blue eyes from my mom’s side.”

José rolls his eyes and swats a hand in Shawn’s direction. “I asked my mom every day why Shawn gets to have those pretty baby blues while my eyes look likecaca.”

The three of us share a laugh as José looks on approvingly.

“Nat?”

I turn to look and see Hayden standing near the bar. “Hayden!” I walk toward him to greet him. “We’re just having lunch.”

I hook my arm through his and guide him back to my table just a couple of feet away to make introductions.

“Hi, Hayden,” José calls, already comfortable and on a first-name basis with Hayden. “This is my cousin, Shawn.” José gestures toward Shawn, who waves at Hayden with a polite smile.

“Nice to meet you,” he calls, returning the same polite smile. I look down at his right hand and notice that it’s red. And swollen. When he sees me inspecting it, he moves to cover it with his other hand.

“What’s wrong with your hand?” I whisper.

“Nothing,” he whispers back.

His face is serious, his jaw tight and eyes narrow, and he gives me nothing. My smile falters as I continue to look at him, silently willing him to give me answers. Or at least to smile back at me with that easy, relaxed smile that never makes me question a single thing between us.

“It was nice to see you guys,” he says to José and Shawn. He turns to face me. “I have to get back to the kitchen.”

---