Page 82 of Best I Never Had

When I open my front door, I see Jenny standing on our front porch. She’s fumbling with her car keys between her hands as she looks at me with her bottom lip drawn between her teeth.

“Can we talk?” she asks, looking much less the scrappy Jenny that I’m used to, now replaced by a more reserved version.

I look over my shoulder, checking the time on the clock hung above our fireplace. Myparents are getting off work and are due home any minute. If they see that Jenny’s over, they’ll probably ground me an extra week for breaking the rules. “Yeah, sure,” I answer. “I have a couple minutes before my parents get home.”

I close the door, stepping out onto the porch instead of inviting her inside, and we both sit on the front steps.

We stay silent for a moment too long, waiting for the other to speak first. I don’t really have anything to say to her, but I know she’s here to ask questions about the fight, most likelywanting to know how Natalia was involved. And to be completely honest, she’s the last person I want to explain the situation to. Luckily, she breaks the awkward silence first.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you and Natalia,” she says, a waver in her voice that I’ve never heard. “But I swear to God, if you’re cheating on me?—”

“No,” I cut her off. “It’s nothing like that.”

She sighs. “Then what the fuck was that?” Her hand is outstretched in front of her, referring to the exact situation that got me grounded.

“First of all,” I start, a little annoyed, “we aren’t together. So even if Iwereseeing someone else, I wouldn’t be cheating on you. And second, something happened, and Alex needed to know that he fucked up. That’s all.”

She stands, throwing her hands in the air before yelling, “I don’t even know what that means!”

I suppress the urge to roll my eyes. “Look, Jenny.” I stand and face my front door, already ready for this conversation to be over. “We had a good time at prom, and I like you…as a friend. But I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

When I look at her, I see the tears welling up in her eyes. “I can’t believe you’re dumping me for Natalia Marquez.”

I groan, frustrated that shedidn’t hear a single word that I said. But this is such typical behavior of her. It’s why I broke up with her in the first place. “I told you, that’s not it. There’s nothing going on with me and Natalia.”

“Whatever,” she huffs, turning to walk away, wiping the tears now streaming down her cheeks. “Do whatever you want. Date her, screw her over like you’ve screwed me over. I don’t care. I’m so fucking done with you!”

I sigh, unsure if it’s from relief or annoyance, as she walks away into her Toyota Camry and drives off.

I walk back into my house, thankful that my parents didn’t walk in on Jenny’s outburst. Why does this keep happening with us, with me and Jenny? This surplus of drama that she seems to create out of nothing feels so exhausting, and I want nothing more than to just walk away from it. And the fact that she claimed I’ve been cheating on her with Natalia. The thought itself sounds completely outrageous.

I’m sure by now Natalia knows I’ve been suspended. She might not know why or the details of the fight that left Alex bruised and bloodied, but I hope that she would at least notice my absence. And maybe even miss me the way I’ve missed her.

Andfuck,do I miss her.

It’s been five days since I’ve seen her, including the weekend, and I miss sitting in class next to her, passing each other looks and whispering jokes that result in secret smiles. It took five days for a divot-sized dent in my heart to turn into a decent-sized crater thinking about how much I’ll miss Natalia even more when the school year ends. I’m left wondering how much bigger that hole will grow over the summer. And after the summer passes, that hole will continue to grow, the distance between me and her spreading longer and wider. That ache I felt, when I held Natalia in my arms while we danced in the low twinkling lights surrounded by everything romantic and enchanting, returns as I think about how, if I could, I would go back to that momenttime and time again. But I wouldn’t kiss her. Instead, I would hold on to her and wish for time to stand still. If I had the choice, I would never let her go.

present

Natalia’s hand falls into mine once we approach the crowded entrance of the club.

“Natalia!”

We both turn to the sound of Natalia’s name and see Carmen and David walking toward us. Carmen is dressed in a mermaid costume while David is rocking a pirate hat and eye patch, all topped off with a fake beard. Natalia’s arm extends out, causing me to grip her hand more firmly. I look down at our hands, the point where our bodies are joined together, and I can’t help but feel a pang in my chest knowing how good this feels. Wishing that I could hold Natalia’s hand whenever I want.

“Carmen!” she calls, her other hand gesturing toward Carmen to break off from the long line behind us and join our side.

We all wave simple hellos, the crowd urging us to either enter the club or get out of the way. The four of us greet the attendant, giving Dexter’s name, and the red velvet rope drops to let us in.

We’re welcomed by the vibrating thrum of the music and the flashing lights bouncing off the walls. I can barely hear over the noise, let alonespeak, so I use my hands to signal the direction of the main bar before everyone nods in agreement.

I stop once we reach the bar, which is equally crowded with other costume-clad patrons and bartenders scrambling on the other side. Cups, bottles, and shakers all move in a blur among men and women in their own costumes fit for the occasion.

I lean down toward Natalia. “You guys want a drink?” I speak as loudly as I can over the music.

She turns to Carmen and David and signals the universal drinking sign, miming an imaginary cup tilted back, and they both nod. I order a round, something strong and sure to evoke shivers, and pass it around. We all toss each glass back, Natalia practically gagging as she brings the glass back down.

She tilts up on her toes, a hand gripping my shoulder as she speaks into my ear. “I’m going to regret this in the morning, aren’t I?” she shouts over the music.

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