Page 83 of Best I Never Had

Not answering her rhetorical question, I clink my own empty glass to hers instead. It draws the response I want: a sincere eye roll and smile, followed by a playful shove to my half-bare chest.

And maybe it’s the crowd, making us feel like we’re the only two people in the room while being surrounded by hundreds of sweaty bodies, or the fact that I haven’t stopped thinking about her since I left her apartment after our movie night, but my hand moves to cover hers resting lightly over my heart. I press it into me, letting her feel the rampant beating against my chest as I look down at her. She peers up at me through her lashes, her eyes round and lips parted. I dwell on the fact that she hasn’t pulled away. Her hand hasn’t lifted, forcing me to press it down harder. Instead, she follows the lead of her hand and shifts closer to me.

I could stay in this moment forever. Looking into her eyes, my hand covering hers and our bodies leaning toward this thick, vacant space between us.

Natalia turns away when Carmen’s hand moves to her shoulder to get her attention. They exchange a quick word before Carmen and David walk away toward the cramped dance floor.

“I think I want another,” Natalia announces, her voice strained and laced with something that hints at unease.

My brows lift. “You sure?”

Her throat bobs before she nods.

“What about regretting it in the morning?”

She shrugs, only one shoulder lifting as she smiles coyly, her eyes never leaving mine.

It’s loud, the bass vibrating the house music off the floors and the lights flashing all around us. Natalia’s skin glows, a sheen of sweat coating her skin as she flips her hair over one shoulder, fanning her neck. She’s finally ditched the coat she was hiding under and is now moving in all the glory of her costume, even proudly showing me her backside to reveal the cutest little cotton ball of a bunny tail.

Her smile becomes lazy with only one corner curving upward, and her eyes are hooded as she zones in on my lips. I smirk at her as she sways toward me.

“I hope your dancing skills are better than your ability to hide the fact that you like chick flicks,” she says, her voice low but somehow loud enough to ring clearly through my ears.

Every nerve ending in my body buzzes with electricity. She pushes her body against mine as the crowd ushers her toward me. My hand moves to her waist, my thumb tracing lazy strokes over the fabric lining her stomach. Her hands glide up my chest and wrap around my neck, comfortably resting on my shoulders as her hips continue to sway side to side.

I bite back whatever snarky remark I have at the tip of my tongue, watching as her drunken haze lowers her inhibitions. I don’t want her to realize that this is probably not what we should be doing. Because I don’t care. I don’t care that if she remembers this moment tomorrow, she would be embarrassed, regretting every step that brought her to this intoxicated buzz. I don’t care that I shouldn’t be enjoying the fact that her body pressing into mine makes me notice how her cleavage rises up and down. I lower my head down to her as her fingertips press into my neck and graze higher into my scalp, forcing me to suppress a moan.

She brushes her lips against my ear. “What would you say right now to those Cupid’s Bet girls you can’t seem to get enough of?”

I stiffen. I don’t want to talk to her like some random girl that I hook up with, filling her mind with degrading words meant to seduce her. That isn’t what I want to do with Natalia. I want to tell her that I care about her. I want to laugh and sing with her until our cheeks hurt and we’re a giggling mess of breathless mirth. But that’s not what this is.

“I think at this point…” I start as she pulls away and looks up at me. Her eyes are clear, none of the drunken haze obscuring them as she waits for my answer. “I would suggest we go back to my place and hope that you’re not drunk enough to regret your choices.”

“Brazen for you to assume that the possibility of regret would stop me from making stupid decisions.”

My brow curves up, entertained by the meaning of her suggestive and unsubtle words. “You wouldn’t regret coming home with me?”

She lifts a bare shoulder, tilting her head to the side as she bites her lip through a very flirtatious smile. She doesn’t answer me, her gaze growing darker and darker. She must feel the apprehension and edge leech off of me because the smile slips. Her hand moves down my now bare chest and grazes down my stomach, resting at my waist. I feel her hand lightly press against the muscle lining my hips, the tips of her fingers running purposeful strokes over the ridges through my robe. Her mouth parts as her chest heaves, making it damn near impossible to look away from those alluring cherry lips.

I want to fucking kiss her. It’s all I can think about. Having her lips against mine, my tongue slipping through them as it brushes along the smooth terrain of her mouth. I imagine my hands roaming all over her body. Through her hair, down her back, between her thighs.

Suddenly, my heart feels like it’s rattling in my chest as a small rise of panic makes me lean away from her. And then I remember the last time we were placed in this spot, when I thought she wanted me to kiss her but pushed me away instead. When I acted on something that felt just as right as it does now and instead, it backfired so heavily that I regretted it.

I clear my throat. “You want some water?” I have to yell over the music, but my voice still sounds weak and unsure.

She nods, her round eyes looking too serious. I notice her hand still on my waist. I notice the heat that flames across my skin where her fingers feel like hot brands. And I notice the way her mouth angles toward mine, urging me to do the one thing I shouldn’t.

31

Natalia

senior year

Tomorrow’sthe last day of school. The last day of my grade school career, where I will end it with the ceremonious packing of my lifelong belongings into multiple suitcases and boxes after the graduation that I’ve been waiting all year for. I’ve collected some of the belongings from my locker in my backpack, making it heavier than it normally is, leaving the rest for the following day.

I’m lugging the heavy bag over my shoulder to my car all alone because Lucy ditched me to hang out with her friends after school. With the school year coming to an end and her yearbook duties finally over, Lucy’s time in school has shifted from her studies to the mall’s food court for corn dogs and lemonade.

As Islowly approach my car, my focus more on the straps digging into my shoulders rather than what’s in front of me, I see Hayden leaned up against my car. I come to a stop a few feet away, finally dropping my heavy bag to the floor with a deep thud.

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