Page 85 of Best I Never Had

My brow furrows, waiting for what this “so” is insinuating. “So…”

“What’s going on with you and Hayden?”

I let out a nervous laugh with an unconvincing smile. “What are you talking about?”

Her smile grows, her eyes focusing on a loose chocolate chip hanging off the edge of her cookie. “I saw the way he looked at you.”

I lower my face, staring a little too hard at the crumpled napkins in front of me. When I don’t say anything, Carmen continues. “Actually, David noticed how he looked at you. Said you two make a cute couple.”

“Nothing’s going on, Carmen,” I deny rather begrudgingly, not helping my argument. “We’re just friends.”

“Okay.” She shrugs, popping the remains of her cookie in her mouth. “If you say so.” She doesn’t sound the least bit convinced. If anything, her words sound like an appeasement to my denial.

I sigh deeply, and that gets Carmen’s attention.

“You can talk to me, you know,” Carmen says softly.

Her hand reaches across the table and covers mine. I can feel the roughness of the cookie crumbs on the pads of her fingers rubbing into the back of my hand. When I finally look up at her, I groan, bringing my face to the hard table. My shoulders slump along with my head, and I hear Carmen lightly chuckle at my dramatics. “That bad, huh?”

“Carmen,” I whine. “I don’t even know what’s going on.”

She places her hands back in front of her, intertwining her fingers and patiently waiting for me to continue. And so I do. I tell her everything. Our agreement, our unspoken past that either one of us refuses to bring up, Hayden’s mild obsession with random hookups and a specific dating app that seems to haunt me. And my broken heart that seems not as broken as before. In fact, the temporary Band-Aids are starting to wear thin and unnecessary. The wounds are healing and leaving behind healthy scars, a distinct reminder that I’m stronger now. And it’s all thanks to Hayden.

When I finish, Carmen whistles. “Nat, that sounds kind of complicated.”

“It really shouldn’t be, right?”

Carmen shrugs. “I mean, yeah. It shouldn’t be.”

I lay my palms on the table, determined to move on from this. Intent on reverting back to what all of this is: two friends helping each other.

“Maybe you two should talk about it,” Carmen suggests in a soft, cautious voice. “Before it becomes even more complicated.”

I nod, shifting my gaze from my splayed-out hands to the unanswered questions of what all this means scattered around me. My phone rings, the light buzzing interrupting my wallowing. When I extract it from my purse, I see Hayden’s name flash on the screen.

Speak of the devil. The devil with a flirty smile and warm hands.

“Hello?” There’s no answer on the other side, just the soft ruffle of movement and background city noise. “Hayden? Are you there?”

Still no response.

“Hayden?”

“Nat,” he finally calls. His rough voice is weak, devoid of energy or life. “I, uh…my dad…” His voice trails off. I stand to walk away from Carmen and the clamor within the busy cafeteria. I stop short of a glass wall displaying a grassy lawn which I find so peculiar in the middle of the city.

“Hayden, what happened?”

“My dad’s…He’s—” A muffled sob cuts off his sentence. “He died this morning.”

Everything seems to stop around me. Utensils held mid-air as they make their way into the mouths of hungry hospital workers. Kitchen doors that swing open but stay stuck, giving me a glimpse of the hectic kitchen. And my heart. It feels numb. Like it actually stopped beating and is sitting in my chest as a hardened muscle while I process Hayden’s words.

His dad died.

“Hayden, are you at home?” I manage.

He sniffles before answering. “I’m at work, but I’m going home right now.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you there.”

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