Page 96 of Best I Never Had

He looks down at his feet, shuffling them as his rigid posture relaxes a bit. “I’ll just be a minute.”

I sigh, finally loosening the grip on the door and stepping aside to open it wider. He takes the cue and walks in, circling the small space of our entryway before turning back to face me.

“This is nice, Natalia,” he comments sincerely. “Looks like you’re doing well.”

I close the door, locking the deadbolt in place before walking toward the kitchen. He follows close behind.

“Did you want something to drink?” I offer, using any excuse to avoid looking at him.

“Uh, sure. Whatever you have is good. Thanks.”

I reach into the fridge, rummaging to find that all we have is orange juice and bottled water. I choose the latter before closing the door and walking it over to him. The air is so tense. So cold and frigid as we come face to face with the remnants of our failed relationship. One that I finally want to move on from.

He loosens the plastic cap and takes a small sip, twisting the cold bottle in his hands before facing me with narrowed eyes. It’s then he hits me with the reason he came here tonight. “I miss you.”

This is the moment I’ve been waiting months for. I imagined it, time after time, but so differently. I thought I would jump for joy and into Matteo’s arms, thrilled that he finally realized how much I loved him. How much we belong together. But none of that happens. Instead, my brows pinch together, my whole face tightening as I feel angry and frustrated.

“Matteo, you’re gettingmarried.”

He sighs, his hands fisting together on the counter. I watch as his knuckles turn white before he runs a hand through his dark hair. “This is all so fucked up, Natalia.”

I shove down every impulse to ask him what he means. As curious as I am, I don’t think I’m ready for his answer. Or maybe I truly don’t care enough to ask.

He rounds the counter, his movements becoming urgent and rushed as he closes the space between us and braces a hand against the countertop. “I don’t think I’m getting married.”

“You don’tthink?” I question, unable to hide the accusation in my tone. “Matteo, what the hell does that even mean?”

“I don’t know. I keep thinking about us and?—”

I give an exasperated sigh as I take a small step away from him.

When I take in the man in front of me, the same man that I was head over heels in love with, I realize how foolish I was for letting those past moments of betrayal turn into shame and doubt for myself rather than holding him accountable for our failed relationship. All of the excuses I made for him, telling myself that he still loved me when he forgot our anniversary two years ago or pushing aside the hidden resentment when he stopped telling me how beautiful I looked or how lucky he was to have me. I told myself too many times that he still cared. That he was just too tired or forgetful or had a stressful day at the office. I realize that what we had, it wasn’t love. It was habitual, ordinary, routine. Something that grew over time when we became too comfortable with one another. Something that I should have walked away from a long time ago but didn’t know how to.

“Matteo…”

“It’s that boyfriend of yours, isn’t it?” he interrupts.

I sigh.

“I knew it when I ran into him at the bar. I knew I wasn’t going to get you back.” He looks back down at his feet, his shoulders slackened in defeat.

“What bar?” I blurt out.

He looks up at me, head tilted in confusion. “He didn’t tell you?”

My silence is my answer.

He lets out a shaky exhale. “I was out with some friends, and I ran into him. I may have said some things that might have set him off and…”

“And what, Matteo?”

“We…” He pauses, his throat bobbing before he says, “He punched me.”

“What the hell?” I gasp. “When was this?”

“I don’t know,” he says softly, shaking his head. “A couple of weeks ago?”

I can’t believe it. Whatever happened between Hayden and Matteo, it had to be because of me. I turn away, raking my hair with my fingers before fisting them in frustration. “Matteo, I think you need to go,” I finally say, facing him once again.

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