Page 100 of No Place Like You

She nods, nothing threatening or impolite, just an understanding that this isn’t personal. “I can look to see if there are any openings in our LA branch, any positions that align with your current work here. Sometimes they post openings internally, so it’d be good if I reach out to them.”

“I appreciate that. Thank you.”

She studies me a minute, taking in the scowl that’s been practically stitched to my face. “I hope whatever changes they are, they’re good.”

I smile gratefully, though I’m sure it’s coming off as impassive. “Me too.”

Janet’s picking at her food. Not eating the now cold pad thai I didn’t have the heart to eat alone without Lucy, but poking and moving it around on her plate.

“Not hungry?”

She shrugs. “Don’t have much of an appetite.”

I was away less than a week, and in that short time, it looks like she’s lost even more weight. And she looks weaker, more tired. She wraps ablanket around her frail shoulders, though the heat drifting between us could incubate an unhatched chicken egg.

I look at the takeout containers on the coffee table in front of us, half of them untouched, and suddenly, I don’t have much of an appetite either. The food, especially the perfectly sliced mangoes, reminds me too much of Lucy.

“When did you last talk to her?”

“On my way here,” I say to the mangoes, not bothering to ask Janet who she’s talking about.

We stay silent longer, Janet’s body slinking lower and lower into the couch cushions, and I just sit there, unsure if I can go back home to the empty apartment that reminds me too much that Lucy isn’t here. At least if I’m not home, I can pretend she’s there, waiting for me in my oversized hoodie and the loose sleep shorts that show off her soft skin and smooth legs.

Our sporadic calls, text messages, and after hour FaceTimes that go late into the night have helped. It’s helped me feel like we’re still connected in some way instead of through the distance separating us. But it’s not enough. Not by a mile.

“You should visit her,” Janet calls through closed eyes. “Take a day or two off work and spend a weekend with her.”

I sigh. “That’s the plan.” I already booked a flight after figuring out the details on when I can use some of my spare vacation hours from work. I had to clear it with Margaret too and make sure Jacob was up for taking on any unexpected emergencies, but we figured it out, this time. But I’m not sure how many more times I can do this, take time off work while hoping my boss will be cool enough to let me.

“What’s the actual plan?”

“What do you mean?”

She opens an eye, peeking at me like Popeye. “Like, you’re going to continue doing this long distance thing? Or…”

“There’s really no or, Janet.” I scowl, angry that there really, truly is no “or.” It’s this, this back and forth with no promise of a future until we decide on something we can both live with. For now, it has to bethis.

She nods.

“But…um, I kind of talked to my boss the other day,” I say hesitantly.

She responds with a quiet look of attentiveness, letting me finish.

“I was just asking about a lateral transfer to LA.”

“Like Los Angeles?”

“Lucy got a job there. The internship she’s been working for wants to hire her,” I explain. “And—I mean, I’m not going to do it, but it’s just…I want to know what my options are.”

“Dexter.” She sits up, inching closer to me. “You’re serious about her.”

I nod. “I’m in love with her.”

“Did you tell her?”

“Tell her what?”

“That you love her.”

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