Page 48 of No Place Like You

A slight tug of my shirt brings my attention to Lucy. She peers up at me, wide-eyed and full of panic.

“Are you okay?” I whisper.

Right as the words leave my mouth, Dr. Marquez turns on her feet and makes a quick glance at me and Lucy. When she does, she does a double take.

“Lucy?!”

23

Lucy

“Hi, Carmen,”I say sheepishly.

“What are you doing here?” she demands. And then she looks down at where my hand is wrapped around Dexter’s arm. She looks at him and then back at me. It feels like the time Nat and I got caught digging through Carmen’s makeup. We were six and seven and so fascinated by our big sister’s colorful eyeshadows and the weird spoolie brush dipped in the thick black tube of mascara, and our curiosity got us into big trouble. “Lucy. What’s going on?”

Her face doesn’t change amid her deepening scowl and my cowering. I shift in my seat, squirming on the vinyl covering with every set of eyes on me. Some confused, some concerned, but the one glaring at me looks pretty angry.

“Um, surprise?” I laugh a little awkwardly, but that disappears as soon as Carmen huffs a breath of annoyance. “Maybe we should talk outside,” I finally say and stand. Dexter’s hand reaches for mine and gives it a tightsqueeze. As Carmen leaves the room, I turn to look at Dexter for one last nod of encouragement.

“You okay?” he whispers.

I nod. “Yeah, I’ll be right back.”

He nods back, and I turn to leave. I reach the hallway, where Carmen’s pacing the space between the nurses’ station and the row of partitioned rooms. I reach her, my steps slow and nervous like that of a puppy dog that’s been caught chewing on its owner’s favorite pair of shoes.

“Lucy—”

“Carmen, please don’t be mad.”

Her tense body slumps a little, her shoulders sagging and the frustration on her face softening into concern. “Luce, I’m not mad. I’m just really confused. Is that someone you’re seeing? Are you here visiting him?”

“No. No, it’s nothing like that.” I hesitate and then remember, this is Carmen. Not some scary ogre out here to eat me alive. Carmen. She’s my big sister who’s never once in my entire life judged me or made me feel small. “I moved out here about two months ago.”

“Twomonths?! Lucy,” she says, with an exasperated sigh. “Why?”

My eyes start to mist over so I look away, even more embarrassed now that I’m causing a scene. When she notices me on the brink of tears, she pulls me in for a deep hug, and I want to melt into a puddle of tears. Forget explaining everything to my big sister. Forget about all the lies I’ve been telling my family. I just want to fall to a heap on the floor.

“Come on,” she says softly, running a hand up and down my back. “Let’s go sit down somewhere and talk.” She pulls away from me and wraps her arm around my shoulders, leading me toward a doorway markedEMPLOYEES ONLY.

Carmen looks at me over the faint rise of steam coming from the two coffee cups between us. It started off thick and white, like a smoke signal of warning alerting us to be cautious when consuming its contents. But now, since sitting down in the empty cafeteria twenty minutes ago with the low glow from the recessed lighting sitting above us, that steam has dissipated into something less hazardous, much like the air between me and my oldest sister.

I’ve just finished telling Carmen everything. I told her about the internship and how I couldn’t pass up a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, though she confessed she already knew through the grapevine, a.k.a. Mom. I told her about the money my parents have been sending me every month to help me with rent and bills. That one, as expected, she didn’t know about. And while she tried to hide the disappointment in her face when I told her exactly how much my parents have been helping me, it slipped through the lines on her face with a small frown and furrowed brow. By the time I told her about the mishap that brought me to Dexter’s apartment and the current state of Janet’s health, those lines softened, as did the occasional hums and nods she gave.

“I’m sorry, Carmen.”

“Lucy, why didn’t you tell me?”

“How?” I ask, avoiding her eyes. “How was I supposed to tell you when Mom and Dad and even Nat told me not to apply for the internship? I mean, I understand they’re thinking about me and they mean well, but this…I just couldn’t pass it up. And it’s been tough. The people I’m working with are really intimidating and knowledgeable, but I’m learning so much. And maybe I can actually make something out of this. But now, Mom wants me to move back home, and all I can think about is how desperate she is for me to find a job. And I—” My words are cut off by a sudden sob. It hits my chest with so much force, I don’t even realize how dejected I sound. How wounded and hurt my words feel coming from my own lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just…felt like such a disappointment.”

I wipe away the tears falling off the edge of my chin, sniffling away my shame into my own self-wallowing penitence. Carmen stands from her chair, the metal legs scooting against the hard floor, before she moves around the table and pulls out the chair next to me. She tugs me into a deep hug, and I burrow my face into her shoulder.

“It’s okay,” she says into my hair. “I promise I’m not mad. I was just surprised. The last thing I expected when I walked into that room was to see my baby sister and her boyfriend?—”

“Dexter’s not my boyfriend,” I blurt out.

“Oh.”

“You know him. He’s Hayden’s friend? His old roommate?”

---