Page 49 of No Place Like You

“Ohmigod,” she says softly, rolling her eyes as if mystified at how she could’ve missed that minor detail. “I can’t believe I forgot I know him.”

I smirk, the first hint of a smile she’s seen all night.

“And you called him instead of me? Or Nat?”

“Well, I ran into him my first week here,” I explain. “So he found out about me being here by chance and it made sense for me to call him when…”

She nods with an understanding tilt of her chin. “Well, now I know,” she says in that strong assertive voice she uses when telling me to buckle up or to help Mom set the table. “We’re going to figure it out. Okay? I’m here for you. I’m going to help you get through this.”

I feel the shift in her hands when she grabs my shoulders and in her eyes when a small frown presses her lips together. Like she’s ready to come up with an eighteen-page PowerPoint game plan. She’s coming to my aid, tobig sister me like she always did when I was kid, ready to pull me out of whatever pickle I was in. But the thing is, this doesn’t feel like a pickle she needs tode-pickle me out of. At least, not anymore. Every mishap that’s come my way since I came out here, I’ve been managing on my own. It’s almost as if Dexter’s words have finally trickled their way into those aching parts of my heart, warming me from the inside out. Those ups and downs have been coming and going in a pattern with a track record that’s been working in my favor. Or at the very least, notnotin my favor. And maybe it wasn’t all a fluke with a small serving of good luck. Maybe it’s all evidence of my hard work. And this whole change, the internship and me moving thousands of miles away from home, happened so I could finally see this side of myself itching for a chance to shine.

I look at her with my tear-stained face and smile. A small, meek smile, but it’s a smile. “I’m okay, Carmen. I’ve been learning to figure things out on my own since I got here. I mean, I’ve been doing it for over a month, and this has been kind of scary. You know, it’s the first time I’ve done something this risky and so far out of my comfort zone, but I’m okay.”

She tilts her head to the side, and I can’t decipher if the look on her face is because she doesn’t believe me or she can’t stand the idea of me having to figure things out on my own.

“Really. I’ll be fine,” I add. “You don’t need to worry.”

“No, it’s not that,” she says, her thumb brushing my cheek as she cradles my face. “I just can’t believe you did all of this. Move out here to the city, all on your own, and sign up for a job to do what you love. I’m so proud of you.”

“Proud?”

She nods. “Of course,” she assures. “And I understand why you didn’t tell us, but if Mom and Dad knew everything you’ve done, they’d be proud of you too.”

My chin starts to tremble again at the mention of our parents. The two people in the world whose opinion means the most to me. Why does life have to be so hard? Why can’t I just skate through it without this constant feeling of never being good enough?

“But I get it,” she adds, watching my eyes water once again. “They won’t be mad at you, but I get it. So tell them on your own time. When you’re ready.”

We sit silent, an announcement echoing through the PA system and Carmen’s fingers drumming along the hard tabletop. I start to worry about Janet in the ER, how Dexter’s managing while waiting for more answers and test results. I should be back there with him.

“And staying with Dexter?” Carmen asks as if she’s reading my mind. “Are you planning on staying there until you have to go back?”

“He’s in between roommates right now, so he has a spare bedroom,” I explain. “The plan is for me to stay with him till the internship is over.”

“And that’s it?”

I nod, but it doesn’t feel like a nod at all. It feels more like if I could act out the answerI don’t know, it would be through this hesitant up and down motion of my head. “I think so,” I finally say.

She smiles at me as if she was already expecting this answer.

“It was at first, just him helping me out when my apartment got robbed,” I continue. “But I feel so…at home with him. Like tonight, I was talking to him about the internship and how it’s been a little stressful being away from home and all. And it didn’t feel complicated telling him. It felt easy. Things are just like that with him. They’re just…easy.”

I pause and bring my palm to my mouth. The image of Dexter, alone in his empty apartment, starts to fill my mind. Him going home by himself tonight, pacing his living room while his sister is lying in a hospital bed, worried sick. Or watching the next episode ofSupernaturalwith a blasé look of boredom on his face reflecting the lights coming off the TV screen.And for some reason, I can’t stand it. I can’t stand the idea that he would be all alone. I would miss taking up that space in his home, filling the carved-out grooves of his couch or standing over the hard linoleum flooring of his kitchen while I scoop ice cream or pop popcorn. And maybe he would miss me too.

Carmen smirks. “It would be so you to come all this way to fall in love.”

I huff and roll my eyes. “That isnothappening.”

24

Dexter

Another hourof waiting and tests and about a hundred different questions pertaining to Janet’s chemo and her cancer history passes. It all goes by, minute by minute, while we wait for answers. By now, Janet’s arm looks like it’s been through hell and back. Her fever has been downgraded, thanks to the magic of Tylenol and a course of antibiotics started as soon as Dr. Pham saw her.

“We’re going to admit you overnight,” Dr. Pham says, standing by Janet’s bedside with Charles clutching Janet’s hand to his stomach. “We’ll continue the antibiotics, and hopefully we can release you within the next few days. We’ll see how your body reacts.”

Janet nods, and both Charles and I exhale a deep sigh of frustration.

“Is there a reason why this happened? Or anything we can do to prevent this from happening again?” Charles asks. He rests his hand on Janet’s shoulder and inches himself closer to her.

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