Page 76 of No Place Like You

“You mean my bustier.”

“Whatever it is. You’re making me want to give up an internal organ just to see you in it again.”

I laugh as he trails kisses down my neck. His hands claw at my waist, and I feel his hot fingers tug at my exposed skin at my midsection. The back of my head hits the wall when his tongue dips in the hollow between my breasts, and I swear my legs turn into soft, not yet fully set Jell-O. “Dexter,” I moan softly.

He starts to gently suck at my skin, and I lose all sense of control. Why aren’t we having sex again? Why are we trying to be responsible adults here? My mind has a moment where I forget what a consequence is. Fallouts? Repercussions? To hell with those. They might as well be foreign words to me, something in Swahili or Mandarin. What’s the other word? YOLO? That sounds more my language right now.

But then Dexter stops, and he presses his forehead into my chest. “We should stop, right?” he says breathlessly. I feel his chest heave up and down and his hand squeeze my ass a little tighter. I swallow hard and nuzzle my nose into the top of his head.

“Right?” he repeats, lifting his face to look at me. His eyes search mine like he’s waiting. Waiting for me to say no. No, we shouldn’t stop. No, we shouldn’t be responsible anymore and we should just fuck each other senseless. No, we shouldn’t think about the future, where we’ll stand in just a week when we wouldn’t be able to revisit this moment.

“You’re right. We should stop.” Because he’s right. This wouldn’t be like last time, where we pushed the boundaries of our “no sex” rule and orgasmed through the fine print of our clause. If we started something, there would be no end. Not tonight. I don’t have the will power in me to stop, and I don’t think he does either.

His face deflates, and he pulls away. “Okay,” he whispers, gently placing me back on the floor.

We should talk about this. I know we already did and things felt resolute between us then, but now, that firm, straight line we drew is starting to blur. It’s starting to wiggle and sway, making me question whether or not things were ever really resolved between us. Maybe when we decided things would just go back to how they were before we ran into each other at that wine and cheese shop, when he thought I was thousands of miles away and I was too focused on my internship to realize the proximity of him and my temporary rental, we decided it too prematurely. Maybe we should have taken into consideration how our feelings would deepen and grow.

He laughs awkwardly and rubs his hand over his head. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “I guess things got a little out of hand.” A pained look passes across his face, and he looks over his shoulder. At first, I think he’s checking the door to make sure it’s locked or looking at the time or something else superfluous to avoid the awkward moment settlingbetween us, but then I realize he’s avoiding me. I notice his jaw tick from the side of his face, and the pained look that passed by too quickly returns.

“Dexter.”

“I’m going to bed,” he announces softly, looking back at me with a sad smile. He gives me one last kiss, too fleeting and painful, and he turns to walk into his room.

34

Dexter

“This isthe number to the hotel,” I explain to Janet, who’s distractedly scanning over the screen of her laptop. I thrust the piece of paper in her direction, which she takes without even looking at me.

“They have parasailing! Please tell me you’ll try it when you get there.”

“Janet, are you even listening?”

She huffs, rolling her eyes at me. “I heard you,” she whines. “I told you to stop worrying.”

I sigh. “Maybe I shouldn’t go. Hayden would understand. He knows what’s going on with you and?—”

“No! Dex, I’ll be fine. My infusion session is scheduled for Friday. By the time you get back, I’ll be recovered, and you can tell me all about swimming with the dolphins.”

“I’m not swimming with any dolphins. I’m not parasailing,” I say, standing from the seat next to Janet on her couch. I walk to the kitchen to help myself to a bottled water. “I’m doing my part as the best man at my best friend’s wedding, and I’m coming home.”

“You aren’t even going to go on an ATV tour?”

“No.” I plop back in my seat and take a long, refreshing chug. It’s warm and humid outside, but because Janet’s been running cold, shivering at the smallest breeze of air, the AC in her home has been set at a higher than acceptable temperature. But I don’t complain, even as the small beads of sweat gather along my brow and my shirt clings to my back.

It’s Tuesday evening, and Lucy and I leave for Honolulu in the morning. I stopped by Janet’s place after work. Mainly to say goodbye before our trip but also to check on her and make sure she can reach me while I’m gone. She already saw Lucy over the weekend. It was Lucy’s request that she see Janet, though sad goodbyes weren’t exchanged. In fact, we didn’t even tell Janet it would most likely be the last time she sees Lucy, and I feel like it was because neither one of us wanted to discuss Lucy’s departure. Instead, we met up for dessert at The Lunch Car, where we sat for a few hours, along with Charles, and Janet gushed over the pictures Lucy sent her from the gallery show. I refrained from pointing out how much she looked like our mom in the pictures and instead let her gab on about how Avery was going to love them.

“How’s Lucy been?” Janet asks, interrupting my thoughts on Lucy waiting for me back home. This is our last night together in my apartment, and while I can’t wait to spend it with her, a part of me is dreading it.

I nod. “Good. I think she’s ready to go back home. I’m sure she misses her own bed. And her roommate’s cat.”

A furrow fissures between Janet’s brow, and she rolls up the thick sleeves of her sweater. “When is she leaving?”

“We’re going to Hawaii, and then she’s going back to Seattle from there.”

“So she’s not coming back here after the wedding?”

“No.”

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