Page 91 of No Place Like You

“I don’t know!”

We’re yelling at each other now, and there’s no more anger in our voices. None of the aching, painful resentment that made everything spill to the surface. Instead, we’re both so goddamn sad. So fucking heartbroken over something that was never meant to be.

He takes another cautious step toward me, one hand moving to my waist and the other leaning against the wall behind me. And he enters my space. The space that feels like it’s always been his to invade. Like he never needed an invitation.

“Tell me what to do,” he whispers close to my cheek. “I’ll do it. Whatever you want, just tell me, and I’ll do it.”

This is where I tell him, right? To whisk me off to a private island so we can be alone and away from all the confusing and unsure thoughts in my head. To tell me everything’s going to be just fine as long as we follow our hearts. But we can’t. We can’t act like life isn’t going to keep happening around us. As if he doesn’t have a home to get back to in New York City and I don’t have my own in Seattle.

“I don’t know, Dexter,” I finally say, looking into his sad, desperate eyes.

His eyes close, and he scowls like he’s angry and hurting at the same time. “Yeah,” he whispers, exhaling a deep sigh through his nose.

“I’m sorry,” I say with a shaky voice. “I’m sorry this happened. Maybe we shouldn’t have—maybe we shouldn’t have let things go this far. I’m so sorry it did.” The shakiness is covering my entire body now. In my legs, my hands, and I keep trembling. I can’t stop.

Dexter watches me. He watches me fall apart and start to cry. His eyes trail a tear that trickles down my cheek, and he gives into the impulse to touch me. He cups the side of my face and wipes at the tear with his thumb. “I’m sorry too.”

40

Dexter

“You nervous?”

Hayden’s eyes stay on the mirror, the soft, glowing lights from the hotel bathroom making us look like we’re about to have our photos taken for a Men’s Wearhouse ad.

“Nah,” he answers casually. “I just want this day to be over so I can be alone with Nat.”

I cringe, and he backhands my gut. “I’m not talking about sex, asshole. I just…It’s been family this, wedding shit that, and I haven’t spent any alone time with her.”

“Still, it’s kind of nice to be around family.” I finish adjusting my tie and run my hand through my hair, still a little too short to style it into anything other than a quick swipe of pomade pushed to the side.

He shrugs. “I guess. My mom’s pretty excited. Said she’ll finally have the daughter she never had.”

I place a hard pat on his shoulder and walk out of the bathroom. We’re getting dressed in his hotel room, and Ashton is set to arrive any minuteso we can head down. It’s Hayden’s job to arrive on time, and it’s my job to make sure he does it without looking like he’s shitting a ton of bricks. And it seems I’m doing a pretty good job, with his suavely styled hair and his relaxed posture. I don’t think he would even understand what cold feet are right now and simply claim it’s nearly eighty degrees outside, too warm to have cold anything.

I, on the other hand, feel like shit. I didn’t sleep. Instead, I tossed and turned all night, replaying everything that happened last night.

I shouldn’t have gotten so frustrated and let those frustrations take over everything. My outburst, my anger, my desperate need to touch Lucy. But I couldn’t help it. We had agreed this would be temporary. Nothing beyond the walls of my apartment and the sixty-four days we spent living under the same roof (yes, I counted). I had no right to act the way I did.

I hate that we left it the way we did, her struggling to open the door that locked behind us and walking away from me to the front entrance. We got confused looks from Carmen when we walked through the front door and not from the hallway leading to the bathroom. Lucy patiently ushered Nat away from the large pitcher of water, where she claimed she just needed to hydrate and she’d be fine, and walked her outside to a waiting cab with Hayden hopping into the back seat with them.

I didn’t know what else to do. Should I have followed her? Told her I was sorry? That I didn’t know what to do either but we could try to figure it out together? I didn’t do any of that, of course. Instead, I waved a quick goodbye to Carmen, her confused face growing a little more concerned, and walked the two miles back to the hotel. And even with the near hour-long trek, I was restless. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything. About Lucy and wanting more from her. About Janet and her vaguely obscure message telling me she feels tired over and over again. About Lucy’s dad’s ambiguous suggestion that I would make a great addition to their family.

A sharp knock brings Hayden to his feet after he comfortably sank into an armchair. When he opens the door, we find Ashton with a pregnant Carly by his side.

“Hey!” Hayden stoops to embrace Carly, gingerly wrapping his arms around her like she should be bubble wrapped.

“Hi,” she says with a kind smile. “I was just dropping this guy off, and I’m heading downstairs.”

“She just wants to see if you have any sour cream and onion Pringles since she ate all of ours.”

She smacks his chest. “Don’t out me!”

I reach for the small tube of Pringles from the minibar and extend it to her. Her face lights up, and she takes my offering. “I swear, I’m not usually this greedy. I blame it on the kid.” She pokes a finger at her protruding belly. “I’ll give you all the Pringles you want, just please don’t make it hurt when you come out.”

Ashton leans down to place a quick peck on Carly’s temple and does the same at the top of her midsection before she leaves. “You ready?” he asks Hayden as the door closes behind him.

Hayden nods. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

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