Page 92 of No Place Like You

Once we get to the entryway leading to the outdoor lawn on the far south side of the hotel, we’re approached by a near desperate wedding planner. “Oh! Finally. You’re here.”

Hayden complies when she tugs at the sleeve of his jacket and pulls him away from entering guests. “Are we late?”

“No,” she says briskly, stopping about ten feet away from the gazebo decorated with flowers and string lights that aren’t lit. “I just get nervous when I don’t know where the bride and groom are.”

I follow suit, standing behind Hayden with Ashton behind me where we’re again approached by another eager-looking person, this one much warmer and more welcoming. “Hi, baby,” Hayden’s mom cries, her arms outstretched toward Hayden. “You look so handsome.”

Hayden accepts his mom’s embrace, careful not to muss up his boutonniere. “You look great too, Mom.”

She smiles warmly at Hayden, a twinkle in her eyes that I know will be there for the rest of the day. She then turns to me, her open arms identical to when she approached Hayden. “Thank you so much for being at Hayden’s side today,” she says, rubbing a hand up and down my back. “You mean so much to him.”

“Mom,” Hayden whines, and I smile in a way that this type of interaction is completely foreign to me, finding the whole exchange a little amusing. A son uncomfortable with his mom’s affection and her ignoring his plea to stop embarrassing him.

“Of course, Mrs.—”

She interrupts me with a sideways glance.

“Marsha.”

The smile on her face spreads wider, and she cups my chin. There’s a sympathetic tilt of her head and a warm squeeze of her hand on my forearm before she moves to greet others entering the wedding space.

“I told her about Janet.” I turn to face Hayden, and he smiles at me grimly. “I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, she mentioned her the other night, so I figured.” Hayden pats my shoulder, and we silently stand there, realizing how much we mean to each other. Not just old college roommates. Not just friends who continue to stay in touch as we approach yet another milestone together. His wedding,Ashton becoming a father. We’re building memories, friends becoming family. “Hey,” I call. Hayden looks at me, tugging at the crisp white sleeve of his shirt. “I, uh, I’m sorry if I haven’t…if I’ve been a bad friend lately. I know I’ve?—”

“Hey,” he interrupts, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it.”

I nod, choking back the swell of emotions rising inside me. “Still, I’ve been really…absent, and I don’t mean to be.” I didn’t mean to be so inconsiderate of our friendship over the past few months, but since Lucy moved in, she’s the only person I’ve wanted to spend my time with. And I know it sounds incredibly selfish, but when Lucy and I are together, it seems to be the only reprieve from all the bad things in my life. She’s become this tall building of refuge and I feel safe and sheltered in her arms. And maybe it was okay to be a little selfish while she was there. Maybe all the things I was able to press pause on, I could. Even if it was just temporary.

“I know.” He nods. “But we’re good.”

We share a moment of tight smiles and acknowledging gazes before the wedding planner, looking a little less frazzled, approaches us again. There’s a flurry of hands and clicks of cameras going off before we’re ushered to our spots. The seats are starting to fill, and a low violin has started to play offside to the ceremony. We walk out to the altar and stand at our marks. We wait patiently, Hayden fidgeting ahead of me, and the music starts to shift. Something more drawn out and deep. Everyone’s voices hush down and people stand, turning toward the building where Nat is set to walk out from. We rehearsed this just the day before, the entire wedding party dressed in casual vacation wear with flushed faces from the heat. But all of that’s a clouded memory when I see Lucy step out onto the grass.

She follows Carmen, who’s already halfway down the aisle, carefully walking down the narrow pathway just like yesterday, but this time with a small bouquet of white flowers the size of my palm in her hands. Her shorthair is styled with wavy curls, and the green dress I couldn’t wait to see her in drapes off those bare shoulders I love so much with two thin straps. It flows down her sides, her curves outlined against the silky material, before it stops just below her knees.

From her glowing skin to the extra care she took doing her makeup, she looks so fucking beautiful. So beautiful, it hurts. It hurts in the way that I’ll never be able to run my fingers through her hair, tousling it to the side so I can inhale the scent of her lingering on the side of her neck, or know how easily her dress would slip off her once I lower the straps and unzip the zipper.

She sees me staring, and she stares right back at me. I realize the last time I saw her was last night. When I got upset and watched her walk away. When all I wanted to do was kiss her and beg her to give us a chance. Even with thousands of miles separating us, with her new career path and my responsibilities back home with my sister, just to see where this could all go. And I suddenly regret all of it, wishing I had just kept my cool and pretended like I wasn’t aching for her instead.

Her somber look matches mine, and she looks away, her gaze focused on the altar ahead of her. Things move along as a wedding is supposed to. Music plays, vows are exchanged, people ooh and ahh. But I don’t pay attention to any of it because all I see is Lucy. A sad smile when Hayden dramatically dips Nat into their first kiss as husband and wife, a blank gaze as she steps closer to me, her eyes glued to my arm while unsure if she should take it. She does, of course, because that’s what we rehearsed. But even with her by my side, her hand draped over the crook of my arm, it feels like she’s thousands of miles away from me. Like she’s already gone back to Seattle, and I’m back home in my empty apartment.

41

Lucy

One of theperks of having a small wedding is that it’s intimate. It’s less crowded, easing the pressure of the bride and groom having to greet every single guest so they can enjoy the food, cake, and live band. But the downfall of having such a small wedding, for me, at least, is that I can’t get away from it. Not without anyone noticing. I can’t just go back up to my room and climb under the covers, so I don’t have to keep seeing Dexter in his perfect khaki blazer and dress pants with no socks that actually look really,reallyfreaking good on him.

With the lure of my cushy bed upstairs dilly-dallying in my mind, I try to enjoy the wedding. It’s beautiful. The wedding planner, Nat, and Rita did an amazing job transforming the outdoor garden into a small haven with lit up twinkling lights and the fragrant scent of plumerias wafting around us. And Hayden and Nat look so happy dancing on the dance floor, cutting cake, even casually sipping on a flute of champagne. I’m so happy for them.

“Does my little chicken nugget want to dance?” My dad leans across the clothed table we’re sitting at, where we’re watching Hayden dance with mymom and Nat dance with Ashton on the smallest dance floor I’ve ever seen. He extends his hand out to me, and I smile softly before taking it.

“Sure, Daddy.”

We both stand, my hand still in his, and we walk to the dance floor. My mom smiles at us as my dad circles his arm around my waist and I sink into his wide chest.

“My babies are growing up.”

I look up at him and laugh. “We’ve been grown up, Daddy.”

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