Page 2 of Counting His heartbeats

Same Day, Unknown Time

"We're here, Jawaan." Someone says, shaking me gently and causing me to open my eyes slowly, stretch, and take note of my surroundings.

I'm unsure where here is, but the back passenger door opens a few seconds later, and the man whose name I didn't remember stands outside of the car.

"Where am I?"

"This is where you will be living until you turn eighteen. The Gardners came highly recommended and have agreed to keep you long-term," the man answers me, smiling.

My forehead wrinkles, and I shield my eyes from the sun beaming on me while staring at the two-story house. None of his words affect me. This is the third place I have been bounced to in my seven short years. I'm already over all the maneuvering, so it's whatever at this point. Sighing, I frowned before following behind the man, wondering if I'd be able to finish the nap I had been awakened from.

"Oh my! Aren't you a handsome little fella?" a woman with warm brown eyes gushes, smiling while holding open the screen door.

Hm, she's beautiful.

The long salt and pepper hair on this woman's head contradicts the youthfulness of her face. Her high cheekbones, slender nose that holds a nose ring, and thin and pouty lips make me believe she's much younger than her hair color presents her to be, not to mention the deep plunging neckline of her black blouse, where a gold chain rests between her ample breasts and my eyes were unable to disconnect from her.

"This is Jawaan Young. I believe you're expecting him," the man voices, pulling my eyes from the woman to him only to see stars dancing in his eyes.

Yeah, she's fione, and I'm glad I'm not the only one noticing.

"Yes, we are. Come on in. I'm Rema Gardner. You're the last one to round out our family unit. My husband, Humphrey, is?—"

"Right here, babe. This must be the new guy," a man standing over six feet with a bald head walks up, grinning with his hand extended in my direction.

"All right. I'll let you all get to it. I have transferred Jawaan's case to Baxter County, so if something should arise, let the caseworker assigned to you know," the man instructs before walking out the front door without a word to me.

"Let's get this family meeting popping. Then I'll have one of the boys show you to your room," Humphrey says before closing the door.

"Kyce. Kayshon," Rema calls.

Well, at least I won't be here alone. This shouldn't be too bad.

Adulting at Thirty-One

"Man, this shit is too much. It feels like the world is drop-kicking me like I'm in a WWE match, and I'm about to suffocate from the pressure. I don't think I'll make it if you don't do something. Everybody that should love me has left my ass to fend for myself. God... please come see about me. I'm ready to..." My words trail off as my phone vibrates for the hundredth time today, yet I make no attempt to acknowledge or answer the call.

Wiping the constant flow of water sliding down my cheeks, I pick up the bottle of Hennessy and take a healthy drink. I've lost time and days while being holed up in this room, hiding from everyone and everything. Once the last drop of liquor hits my mouth, I release the bottle as it clinks on the carpeted floor.

"This world would be better if my black ass was no longer in it. No one will miss or mourn me."

Emmanuel!

The shouting of my middle name has my eyes popping open as I look around the room for the person calling me. My vision is blurry from the tears escaping my eyes, yet I can make out the dresser where the TV rests, the closed curtains that are blocking the outside from coming in, and the open bathroom door. Lowering my gaze, I see the four empty Hennessy bottles haphazardly surrounding me.

You are the light of the world. My word says: Nay, in all these things, you are more than a conqueror through Him that loved you. I love you, Emmanuel. You are more than the mistake you believe yourself to be. You shall live and not die. I am making a way of escape for you... help is on the way.

"You don't mean that shit! Nobody has given me any reason not to end my life. They gave me up. They turned their backs on me. Why should I believe any of what you're saying?" I scream.

Pressure in my chest has me gasping for air as intense pain surges through me rapidly. My face is wet, and my pulse is racing, making me feel like I'm at the top of a rollercoaster, waiting for it to drop.

Forsaken but not forgotten. Abused but not forgotten. Mistreated but not forgotten. I am with you and will be with you even unto the end of the world. When thy father and mother forsake you, I, the Lord, will take you up.

"What does that mean?" I shout while pulling at the holder, keeping my dreads in place, causing them to fall over my shoulders.

?

God will take care of you.

---