Page 37 of Counting His heartbeats

There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. If I haven't condemned you, then why are you condemning yourself? I'm able to make all things new.

The still, small voice echoes in my mind, cutting off my words and causing instant tears to fall, mixing with the water cascading over my body. I got up this morning feeling heaviness in my limbs and my mind from the thoughts of entering God's tabernacle. For some reason, the feelings of unworthiness are resting heavily on me despite going to church with Zion not long ago. This Sunday feels drastically different from that Sunday, and I can't put my finger on why.

Yet, here's the good news: In all these things, we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

Cupping my face, I cry harder when the familiar scripture penetrates my mind, again cutting off my ability to question or analyze my decision. Oddly, my tears feel like the balm inGilead that Karen Clark Sheard sings about. When my tears trail off minutes later, I grab my loofah, add body wash, and clean myself. Unsure of the time, I don't delay the process anymore, allowing me to exit the shower within ten minutes. Stepping to my sink, I stare at myself in the mirror before smiling weakly.

"This is the day the Lord has made. You will rejoice and be glad in it," I coach myself.

Thankfully, I've determined what I'm wearing today, so I leave the bathroom to moisturize my skin before getting dressed.

Brrng. Brrng.

My forehead wrinkles when my phone rings because I'm hoping it's not Zion inviting me to attend church with him again. Ordinarily, it wouldn't be a problem, but I'm already going with Jawaan, and I don't want to have an awkward conversation after the botched dinner with his friend. So many things have been happening that I haven't been able to tell Zion about why his friend will never get the privilege of sharing a table with me again.

I pick up my phone and smile when I see Jawaan's name flashing on my screen.

"Good morning," I greet happily.

"Good morning to you. How are you?"

Warmth spreads through my body like a tight embrace upon hearing Jawaan's husky cords piercing my ear. My mouth floods with moisture and a fluttering in my stomach has me unconsciously drawing circles when an image of Jawaan appears in my mind.

"I'm good. I just got out of the shower and was about to get dressed," I answer in a breathy tone.

Jawaan has me shoving my comfort zone out of the way to be with him because a man willing to dedicate his time to another person is sexy, not to mention I love to see him in protective mode with Jalil.

I'm so happy that Little Man finally has a name. Whew, having the ability to have a hand in naming him has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.

"I'm good. Are you ready for worship?" I ask, smiling.

"Yeah. It's honestly long overdue. My life has been desperate for this occurrence. Speaking of worship, can you come here? I want us to ride together, and you'll also be closer for dinner because Kyce lives a couple of doors down."

Wait, what?

"Really? You and your brother are neighbors."

"Yep. Kayshon also lives on the street, but on the other side of Kyce and me. We've never wanted to be too far from each other."

"Oh wow. No wonder they were giving you a hard time my first over there. Hm. My brother and I are close, but I don't need him in my business like that, nor do I want to double my groceries because I know he would be over here daily looking for food."

"I get it but our dynamics have always made us lean on each other for whatever."

Jawaan's tone wrinkles my brows from the change in his tone and the hidden message within his words.

"Hm. We'll pin that for another day. I'll be there once I'm dressed."

"Bet. I'll see you soon. Drive safe, Tigress."

I don't know why this man keeps insisting on calling me Tigress, but it's starting to grow on me.

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Lord, You are good

You've been so good

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