Page 44 of Counting His heartbeats

"What did you mean when you said bouncing from house to house like you did?"

Jawaan's hand freezes on my arm, and his body stills, causing my breath to hitch as silence stretches between us for a second or two.

"I was kidnapped from a hospital in Columbus when I was barely a day old," Jawaan lowly voices before spending the next fifteen or twenty minutes providing his backstory until he was seven years old.

Grabbing Jawaan's hand, I turn over so we're face to face, and my chest pinches from the dejected expression dulling his light brown orbs. An intense urge to encourage and lift up my man has me staring into his eyes before opening my mouth.

"Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask that you do what I can't do... heal Jawaan's fractured heart. Let him know that your love for him is greater than what those people neglected to provide. Let him know that You are a comforter in the midst of trouble, trial, and heartache. Let him know that You know our end even from the beginning. Most of all, God, lift up his bowed down head. Let him know that You sent me to provide the love no woman before me could give him. Let him see You even while looking at me." My voice becomes heavy with unshed tears,forcing me to stop praying, and Jawaan pulls me into him, holding me tight.

When water hits my bare shoulder, my tears fall silently, and I push through my feelings to give Jawaan what others failed to supply.

"They didn't and couldn't give you the love you deserve, but right here and now, I'm giving you me, my heart, and my dedication to love you with all that I am. Fuck them, other people... I got you."

Jawaan's deep laughter rumbles against my chest, causing a weak smile and tightening of my arms around him.

"How are you gonna be cussing two seconds after petitioning God on my behalf, Zurmani?"

"Tuh. The same way your dick invaded my walls hours after we were ministered to by the man of God. We can repent before going to sleep."

"What am I gonna do with you, Tigress?"

"Love me like I deserve to be loved."

"Say less."

My heart rate increases from the deadpan declaration within those two words, and a smile forms as Jawaan's heart beats in sync with mine. This moment alone lets me know that Jawaan is the man who will become my forever. Knowing that we'll be sharing a child together has me mentally two-stepping at the thought of tethering my life to this man. It's interesting that not long ago, I was dealing with the aftermath of a breakup and miscarriage. Now, here I am, dating another and about to welcome a baby into my life.

God, your blessings are never unfailing concerning me, and for this, I give you praise.

Two Days Later

"Hello. I was hoping you two would be coming today," the nurse greets us, smiling when Jawaan and I enter the NICU.

Yesterday was busy, and I got off work late, so I went home before crashing on my couch. By the time I woke up, visiting hours were over, which meant I didn't get a chance to come check on Jalil. Seeing multiple missed calls and texts from Jawaan had me calling to let him know I was all right. My call was right on time because Jawaan had sent a message twenty minutes before informing me that he was on his way to my house. Since he was already headed in my direction, he grabbed something for dinner, and we spent the night cuddling before sleep found me again.

"Is something wrong with Little Man?" Jawaan asks.

Without waiting for the nurse to enlighten us on what's going on, I walk to Jalil's crib, instantly elating me when I look inside. Jalil's eyes land on me, warming my spirit at the knowledge that God has seen fit to allow me to become his mother.

"Hey, baby boy," I coo over the clog in my throat.

"I was going to call you guys if you didn't come today because you can take him home. Of course, we need you to fill in the name on his birth certificate so we can file it. Nevertheless, he's well enough to be discharged," the nurse informs us, instantly freezing me in place.

My eyes bounce from Jalil to the nurse, and my heart rate increases with the knowledge that motherhood is now upon me.

"Oh my God. I don't have anything for him. What am I gonna do? I can't take him home with nothing planned. I thought we had more time to get ready. Wh?—"

"Ssh. Breathe, love. We got this," Jawaan whispers in my ear while my mind spirals, instantly elevating my blood pressure.

"We can provide you with a car seat, milk to get you through a couple of days, diapers, and wipes," the nurse offers.

"Good looking out. We have a name for him so do you have the birth certificate?" Jawaan calmly requests.

"Yes. Let me grab it. I'll be right back," the nurse says before walking away.

"We don't have anything for him. What are we gonna do? I haven't told my parents, brothers, or friends what's happening. How am I gonna show up with a baby?" Adrenaline shoots through my system, my eyes mist, and heat enters my body, increasing my temperature when my eyes land on Jalil.

"Breathe, Zurmani. We'll work through all that, but do me a favor, pick up our son," Jawaan says soothingly.

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