Page 145 of You, As You Are

“So do you,” Iain remarked in kind, turning up the collar of his coat.

Their grey hairs were more prominent than his, which wasn’t that surprising when he was the youngest. The stress in this line of work would make any man age quicker than he should.

Each of them exhaled frustrations thatthisis what their brotherhood had come to.

Rhys stepped up again, his arm coming around Iain’s shoulders. He let himself move into the embrace. “We miss you, Iain,” his brother said in his ear. “We know why you can’t be around here, but we still …”

Iain’s eyes drifted shut as he sighed.

It wasn’tthemthat he couldn’t be around – it never was them. But how he left had made a real mess of things. They felt betrayed, Iain knew that. But so did he. The way that they’d seen the way their father treated him but never spoke up to his defence at all hurt more than them being oblivious ever could.

“I know. I wish it was different too.” He clapped Rhys on the back and moved to Lewis.

“We didn’t believe it when Da told us you were coming,” Lewis said when they let go of one another.

“He turned up to my rugby game without me even knowing he was there.” Iain still wasn’t impressed by that.

“Yeah … He said you’ve found a new lady.”

“Do.?*”

“Are you happy?” Rhys asked.

Not knowing how he should answer that right now, he brushed it aside. “Where’s Da?” he asked instead.

“Inside.”

Iain followed to the door that was still the same white plastic, stained from years of hard-hitting rain and muddy boots kicking up dirt.

“Da! Iain’s here,” Lewis called when they filed inside.

Iain took in the hallway, the picture frames on the wall of the nephews and nieces he’d only met when they were born. The plain wallpaper was different but chipped, and the rug had been replaced.

Rhys cocked his head in the doorway to the living room, his quietened voice saying, “In here.”

Iain breathed deeply once more and gathered his bearings. His brothers were there but he still felt as though he walked through that doorway alone.

The space was as gloomy as the overcast sky outside, as if the heavens were about to open and unleash their torrent of rain directly into the living room. At least if they did, it might wash away the mustiness that clung in the air and the undertone of disinfectant.

His eyes shifted from the walking frame to the wheelchair, landing on his father last. Maisie was right, he didn’t look well; Iain could tell just by looking at him sitting rigidly in his sofa-chair. His features were gaunt, sunken around the cheeks.

“You came.” A hint of a slur touched Alun’s voice, his heavy accent not helping.

“I was convinced.” Iain stood in the middle of the room, his brothers beside him leaning against the frayed sofa. “Where’s Mam?”

“She don’t live here no more.”

Iain’s face whipped to his brothers. “Where is she?” he demanded.

“With Aunt Alys,” Lewis answered, patting down the spike of worry in Iain’s veins.

Good. It was about time she left this place too.

Every single thing in sight was falling apart in some form or another. His brothers lived with their wives and children twenty minutes away on the other side of the mountains and drove here every day. As far as Iain was aware none of those arrangementshad changed, but looking at his father now, there was no way he was strong enough to last a whole day of work in the mountains without their help. And, looking at the medical equipment dotted around the room, it looked like he was getting help at home too.

His focus shifted back to his father. “Why am I here?”

“You calledme, son,” Alun bristled.

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