Page 87 of You, As You Are

There had never been any worries here. No stress. Just comfort and family and a peace that, as a grown up now, Maisie realised she couldn’t ever replicate being in the big city. It wasn’t just the landscape but the whole town. People sayingbore dato each other on the streets. The sense that no one was in a rush. The woman who worked in the art supplies shop now knew her by name.God,she felt like she couldbreathe …

She guessed that she’d forgotten how to do that.

Iain watched her for a long moment, but Maisie drew away first.“We don’t have to spill our darkest secrets,”he’d said. He wouldn’t have changed his mind in a few measly days where they hadn’t even spoken to each other once since he’d returned her home.

We don’t have to spill our darkest secrets.

Okay, maybe she was still a little bitter about the way he’d said those words – how he’d shut her out and built a wall between them in a snap. How else was a girl supposed to feel?

Iain went too silent. She’d said too much, revealed one of these secrets that he didn’t want to hear. Ifopennesswas too much of a task for him then she should just haul herself up and leave. Enough men had played pretend with her for her to see the signs for when to back out.Leavebefore she was rejected for having basic needs that were never listened to anyway.

“I grew up on a farm.”

Maisie’s head spun from where she’d turned away.

“It’s where I worked until I was twenty-six,” Iain said. “I left school at sixteen and went back to the farm with only a few bad GCSE grades to my name.”

Shock that he’d spoken about himself like that had parted Maisie’s lips. She was careful to not sound insensitive when she asked, “You didn’t go to college?”

Iain shook his head, notably pressing down on the knuckles in his lap. “I worked that farm since I was old enough to pick up a shovel. That was all the qualification I needed in my dad’s eyes.”

It was the first time he’d ever said anything about either of his parents. Maisie knew he had two brothers and that they didn’t speak much at all. She didn’t know what she’d assumed about his life before this town, but from the downturned look on his face and the pain creased in his brow, there was a lot more to his story than she could’ve imagined.

She kept quiet, averting her eyes so he might not feel pressured to continue, though she was more than eager to hear what he had to say.

Giving up on the knuckle breaking and shoving his hands into his coat pockets – the waxy one he always wore on hikes – Iain drew in an uneven breath. “Myda… he was never the greatest to me. I hated being on the farm. I was always going to leave after I turned eighteen, which made him angry.”

Maisie’s pulse shot up in her throat. “Did he hurt you?”

His lips drew inwards. “Not physically.”

Oh, Iain …Her eyes prickled with tears all of a sudden. When was the last time he’d told this to anyone? Had heeversaid these things out loud?

“Words can sometimes hurt just as badly,” she said, sniffing unexpectedly. “Maybe worse.”

He looked at her, their elbows brushing. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For whoever hurt you.”

The apology for pain he’d never caused hit Maisie right beneath her sternum, knocking something out of place, or maybe back to where it always should have belonged. All she could do to not shed a tear was to scoff out a half-hearted laugh. “It’s fine,” she said, willing away the tickle in her nose. “You don’t grow up with a body like mine and not hear thingsspoken about you. I’m lucky that I grew up before social media really became a thing, and that my parents have always been incredibly supportive. My brothers were the ‘cool’ ones at school, so I think that helped too.”

There was more than that, though, things she felt too ashamed to tell him. Only Faye and Sienna knew the real reasons why; as bold and expressive as she was, the prospect of having to start all over again with a man when she’d been burned by a string of them before was at its last tether.

She had all of this body that she loved and strived to adore – a body sheknewdeserved to be cherished like a goddess – but when it came to that time, she couldn’t. Not as spontaneously or frequently as her exes had demanded and grown bored of the wait.

That was what hurt more than anything else she’d felt before.

The thing that Iain’s tenderness just then hinted could be healed.

A hand slipped into hers, cold skin upon cold skin balancing each other out in a blink. Heart soaring, her eyes cut to Iain’s – always waiting for her – his attention spreading warmth to Maisie’s bones as if a bonfire roared before her on this chilly night.

“Your fingers were trembling,” Iain rasped. The growing comfort of his palm engulfing hers as he averted his gaze filled Maisie with the sharp feeling of wanting to be held completely,tightly.Her body wrapped up in someone else’s. Thatsomeonehadn’t had a face for a while in her mind … but it was starting to. One outlined by dark hair and a thick beard with eyes like emeralds.

“I hadn’t noticed.” It was terribly unladylike, but Maisie wiped at her nose with her jumper’s sleeve before those thoughts got too carried away. “Sorry. You were saying, about your dad?”

Iain might not have moved closer – she’d disappeared in her mind for a second in which she wouldn’t have noticed – but it felt like he was. That or the sea breeze air had grown warmer.

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