Page 93 of You, As You Are

He’d beenconstantfor so long that he and the waves were companions of a sort.

The bus drove the narrow roads in from the edge of town, where no home was the same and flowers started to bloom on garden walls for spring. Some would say that the town was run-down, but to Iain it was just as it should be: full of character and tranquillity. It’s why, when his whole world had fallen apart, he’d chosenhereto place his feet and hoped that roots might take form.

They turned one corner and there, through the windshield, where edges of four-story hotels didn’t meet, was the endlessstretch of blue Iain always returned to now. Typical for a Saturday with half decent weather, the stretching seafront was busy. Their driver pulled up where he could, which might not have entirely been legal, and they hopped down out of the van as quickly as thirteen over-sixties could hop.

“Home again, everybody!” one of the women cheered.

The weather had begun warming up as well as the Welsh coast usually could in February, and young families braced the salty breeze off Cardigan Bay to let their children play amongst the pebbles and sand. Iain couldn’t ever picture himself being amongst them – he liked his solitude and peace too much. Keeping Ted alive was enough of a responsibility and eventhatfelt too taxing some days.

His dog shook himself out and stretched all four of his legs, whereas Iain tried not to get too close to the woman-shaped ball of fire beside him. Their thighs and hips had been pressed together as they squished within their seats for two hours, and that only kept the buzzing in Iain’s veins flowing.

Like a nerve continually pressed, he couldn’t settle. Except, that nerve wasn’t signalling pain, butwanting. Far too muchwanting. And what he wanted was awho,and that was Maisie. The unending reminder of her soft, full body flushed chest to toes with his, her breasts up against him, his mouth soft and hard and soft again on hers.

Spending time with her made him feel as though he wasn’t just alone anymore, butlonely. Because he’d missed being connected like that.

Stood on the sandy stone promenade as seagulls circled the skies, Maisie was a fuse burning down inch by inch on a bomb that’d been lit two hours ago.Howshe would explode though was the question. He couldn’t tell if she was irritated or something else entirely. Not when their entire acquaintance so far had consisted of winding one another up.

She’d given her consent to be kissed, and he’d given her ample covert warning beforehand that he was going to. And yeah, maybe the caveman fraction of his brain had listened to those three women who’d ambushed him, disregarding Maisie as if she wasn’t worthy of his attention, and then decided to tell them to fuck off in the best way possible.

The minibus disappeared alongMarine Terraceand the group hung around, chatting and saying their goodbyes. Iain wasn’t so sure how to extricate himself and Ted from this situation but was saved from the awkwardness when Maisie grabbed his arm.

“We’re just going to go and … get a chippy to have for tea!” she announced, far chirpier than her silent treatment had been on the bus as she’d sunk her attention into her book – one of those ones with half naked men on the front. He’d peeked down at the pages once or twice and learned a few details about just what kind of man Maisie enjoyed reading about.

Heads of pensioners spun, and Iain tensed, concerned about that one-eighty in Maisie’s mood. “We are?”

Maisie’s surety made up for his lack thereof. “Yes. Come on. Bye guys!”

So much for awkward-less.

He let Maisie strong-arm him and Ted along the promenade, far enough out of range of Vera and her friends. Then she switched direction and diverted them around the north side of the bandstand.

“Daffy, what the hell are you doing?” Iain’s backpack cushioned his backward stumble against the circular building, earning himself a few looks from beach-goers.

“You kissed me in front of everyone!” Maisie’s hands flew to her hips as she glowered up at him. How could someone manage to both shout and hiss at the same time whilst looking like a girl guide explorer?

“Because those women you saw were trying to tell me you weren’t good enough for me,” was Iain’s only excuse. Not because he’d thought about kissing her since last night when she’d hit the most accurate mark and called him a lost kingdom. It wouldn’t make sense to anyone else, but to know in the depths of his bones that he’d beenheardmeant more to him than he could explain.

Her nose made a huff. “So youkissedme?Thatwas your plan?”

That exclamation earned a few sterner looks from the tourists enjoying their ocean views.

Wrapping his fist around Ted’s lead, Iain pushed air down into his lungs. “I wasn’t going to stand around doing nothing while those women talked about you like they did,” he said. And he would’ve done so much more than just kiss her if they hadn’t been stood in a bloody tearoom.

“You didn’t have todoanything. I know my value, and it has nothing to do with whether or not some strangers think I am or am not worthy of being with you.” Maisie folded her arms, which only served to push her breasts up on a shelf for attention. “We’re not together,” she said with as much flustered indignance as he’d ever seen. “You don’t get to kiss me like that.”

Iain didn’t need reminding what theywereandwere notdoing.

What theywerewas pretending, and what theyweren’twas very good at it.

He couldn’t stop his gaze from falling to her lips. “Like what, exactly?” he asked as he cocked his head, because to him it looked like she had more of a problem with thewayhe’d kissed her rather than thewhy.

“Like …” Maisie stumbled over her tongue, her breaths laboured and telling. So Iain took the opening and stepped upcloser, hoping to remind her exactly of what she’d retaliated in that tearoom.

He lowered his voice, his body thrumming with restraint to not do something reckless in plain sight. “Did you think I’d just peck you on the lips?”

Maisie inhaled as the gap closed between them, and Iain pushed his luck, putting himself as near to her as he indecently dared. His gaze dropped to her lower lip being pulled between her teeth. He wasn’t pretending when he said, “Do you think somethingchastewould’ve shown those women how obsessed I am with you?”

Talking with her wasn’t enough. Being in her space wasn’t enough anymore. By this point, he should probably tell her that the feelings that had crept up on him and then slammed into motion weren’t fake at all. None of who he was or what he did around her was.

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