Page 109 of Only Ever You

“That’s not what I meant—Ah!” Damn it.Her fluffy socks were too slippery on the floor panels and Faye skidded about all over the place.Not helpful.“What did you mean ‘Well maybe I am’?”

“Nothing.” Bash’s shoulders hunched up around his ears again, hands deep within his pockets, shrinking in on himself. But this was one thing that hecouldn’tavoid her about.

“Bash—” Faye managed to wrap her fingers around his wrist and stop him before he got too far. He didn’t shrug her off, but she still wasn’t prepared for this. “You never say things that you don’t mean. What’s happening?”

Twisting in the tight space of the staircase, Bash scrubbed a hand down his flushed face, avoiding her eyes searching for an ounce of anything telling her that what he’d said was true.

Because she wanted it to be true.

With every dream she’d ever had, Faye wanted this one to be true.

Well maybe I am.

She may have played his game earlier, pretended that they were together in front of Mrs P, but they weren’t pretending anymore. And what Bash had just let slip felt very, unbelievably,real.

She stared at him above her on the stairs, and his long, suffering silence said more than his words did.

“It was a mistake bringing you with me,” Bash finally uttered.

Those words were like an ice pick to Faye’s heart. Her middle slowly softened and sank like a cake she’d opened the oven door on one too many times as it baked.

“A mistake?” Her fingers loosened around his wrist. “How?”

“Because—” Bash exhaled raggedly, then everything rushed from his tongue. “Because seeing you with my family and spending Christmas with you … it was a bad idea.”

Towering over her like he was, Faye felt tiny as she drew her hand back. “I thought you wanted me there?”

“I did.Do. I do. I … ” An anguished sound lodged in Bash’s throat. He came down the few steps he’d taken and though Faye hadn’t moved, he didn’t feel any closer.

“Bash … I don’t understand anything you’re saying.”

“Well how about this—” Determination flared sharply on his features as he closed the gap between them in one stride. “I kissed you last night because I really fucking wanted to kiss you, Faye. And now all that I want to do is do it again.”

He—what?

A disbelieving breath rushed past Faye’s lips as she stared deep into his burning blue eyes. She couldn’t have heard him right, because it sounded like he’d just said that he’d really fucking wanted to kiss her last night, and exclusively wanted to do it again.

Bash stared right back at her and Faye didn’t notice how his hands weren’t in his pockets anymore, or quite how steady they were by his sides. He had so much hold over her in that moment without touching her at all.

The feeling of finally hearing what she’d always wished to hear – she couldn’t lie to herself anymore – swelled unease so much likefearwithin her chest. A fear to begin, fear of letting herself fall. Fear to risk losing what they already had between them. A fluttering that didn’t feel as though the hummingbird caged beneath her ribs had enough space to take flight.

I really fucking wanted to kiss you.

“But … all of your … ” Her hands trembled, the material of her leggings too thin for her to pinch.

“All of my what?”

Faye swallowed. “Dates? Those women … ” The ones she’d lost track of years ago.

Understanding crossed Bash’s face, then his eyes darkened. “They’ve all known from before they agreed to go out with me that there were never going to be any feelings involved on my part. If that’s not what they wanted then I kindly walked away.”

Oh.So … hehadn’tlooked for a relationship with any of them? Being used and left was Bash’s choice. But why so many?

The flashing curve in Bash’s lips said he’d read where her mind had gone. That handsome sharpness in his expression cut like a knife.

“I’m not going to apologise for wanting sex, Faye,” he said all too casually.

No. Right.He didn’t have to. Faye understood. Who was she to judge him for whatever he did? She’d dated too in the time they’d known each other, but those relationships had often fallen … flat.

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