Page 137 of Only Ever You

Snarky remarks weren’t going to help and he’d already put his foot in it enough for one night. Bash knew all too well how much the barbs and thorns of words could sting, and if he carried on being the impulsive arse he’d emphasised himself to be tonight, he risked saying something that he truly didn’t mean.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Faye’s voice warbled with her uncertainty over what he was agreeing to.

“Okay, I’ll slow down.”

He’d go at Faye’s pace, because if he didn’t then Bash knew he’d inevitably push her too far and then away for good.

This next year being so far apart for so long would be hard on them both enough as it was. He could handle video calls and texts all of the time, but never getting to hold her hand or kiss her lips would tear him apart if he let it.

Bash couldn’t let it.

Faye’s shoulders loosened and she squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

One last gamble pulsed within him.

“But I can’t simply be casual with you, Faye. Not when how I feel is so intense.” His voice was rough and raw. “In my heart for all these years, I have belonged to you, Peanut. Call me a fool for fighting for it.”

Maybe if they went home, ate, bathed, and slept, this conversation would be clearer in the morning? Maybe Faye would realise she was making a mistake?

Her eyes fell closed. “You’re not a fool, Sébastien. It’s not how I wish for things to go, but a long distance, more relaxed relationship is all that I can offer right now.”

Bash was three seconds short of getting down to his knees and pleading with her not to let him go like this. What if he went to Manchester too? Hecouldn’t ask Bennet to move, not after disappointing him regarding America, and nearly all of their clients were based from London, but he could make his job remote. He could make it work, he could?—

“If what we feel for each other is so strong” – Faye swallowed hard, her fingers twined with his giving another gentle squeeze – “then I know that we can make it work. Didn’t you say that this –us –was too good a thing to let distance stop us?”

He had. Right after they’d been with one another for the first time. Bash’s succession of nods showed he remembered.

Faye placed her hands delicately on his chest and he wondered how hard she could feel his heart beating beneath them. She looked up at him with eyes he was too ardently in love with to deny.

“Then please have faith in us?”

Bash exhaled heavily. “I do.” But was this –them– not worth the risk? Faye’s parents’ story wasn’t their own. Her parents’ divorce wasn’ttheirfuture. “I’m sorry for everything.”

Raising up on her toes, Faye enveloped him in her arms. “I think it’s me who should apologise. You just proposed to me and I turned you down.”

Bash dipped and bent to be as close to her as he could, their bodies flush. His hands tightened upon her back and swept around her waist, holding back tears in his eyes that he couldn’t pretenddidn’texist.

He wantedto feel as if he was overreacting, as if he’d blown this whole thing out of proportion … but he couldn’t.

“I believe you meant ‘not yet’,” he said, attempting to sound lighter than he was.

Faye held onto him tighter. “That doesn’t mean I would say no a year from now. Two years. Three. In fact, I would probably say?—”

“Don’t.”

They unfolded from one another, Faye drawing back first to look him in the eye cautiously at his gravelled, clipped tone.

“Don’t say it. I’ll hear it when the time is right.”

It took her a second to understand what he’d said, but when she did, she pressed a lingering kiss to his jaw then slowly moved to the corner of his lips.

A fresh wave of tiredness overtook Bash – the kind that made him dizzy and his limbs weak. He drew his palms to Faye’s waist and slightly moved himself away from her before their lips could touch completely. Even if he wanted to kiss her just then, he needed a little time to calm himself down, first.

“I think we need to go home now.” Even his tiredness was tired. His knees ached, his stomach gnawed. Taking Faye home would help her, and he’d certainly feel better if he did.

She stared up at him, but agreed with a nod.

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