Page 146 of Only Ever You

He might look crazy, but there was something that he had to say before the right words on his tongue dried up under the pressure. So he pushed down those uncomfortable feelings enough for him to squeeze between tables and have the gall to – very apologetically – slide up to the counter in front of the queue.

You can do this.Thereminder in Bash’s pocket of why he was here settled one or two of the butterflies twirling in his stomach.

He mustered his courage right in time for when Faye poked her head around the corner to the back rooms, features pinched, until her worried gaze landed on him.

They came face to face and Bash’s heart leapt all over again, right over this counter space where he was rooted, aware of how round his eyes were, how his lips parted and his shoulders loosened just from her presence.

Faye looked like his future as she hesitantly stepped forwards. Her hair was drawn back like it would be when she taught their children how to bake. Her apron had smudges of icing like from how messy they’ll getwhen they paint late into summer evenings. The small creases at the edges of her eyes were only the beginning of how they’ll look when they’re both old, watching their grandchildren open presents on a Christmas morning. Pieces of who Faye was that Bash couldn’t wait to savour and witness unfold.

His pulse flitted in his throat.

The blown wide look in Faye’s eyes said she hadn’t expected him to come here, heavily coated with concern for how hard and quick he breathed. His jaw ticked as he tracked her tiny step.

“Bash? Did you run?—?”

“Yes. Well from my house to the tube and then from the station up the road, anyway.”

Twenty minutes earlier he’d been in his kitchen staring at the box of doughnuts she’d sent to him, though it felt like only a second ago. Time had warped in Bash’s rush to get here and see her. Hear her voice.

Faye stepped up to the counter between them. She didn’t acknowledge anything else that had frozen in the space around them, not even the quiet, annoyed clearing of a throat from somewhere over Bash’s shoulder.

“Are you … okay?” she asked.

Turning up in a whirlwind like this would be startling, wouldn’t it?

“Yes.No. I hope so.” Bash stumbled through the world’s most indecisive answer. How hewasdepended upon how this next moment went.

He could almost feel how rigidly Faye held herself. “Bash?—”

“You asked me a question,” he cut in, just this once more, “and I’m saying no.”

His answer to her proposal rang through the buzzing in Bash’s ears. He hated the immediate disappointment that overtook Faye’s features, the small “Oh” which slipped from her lips as her fluttering lashes concealed falling eyes.

If he could take his eyes away too, he would’ve seen the furious frown pull above Chandra’s threatening stare where she stood like a loyal guard behind Faye.

Bash ran his finger along the sharp edge of the note in his coat pocket, feeling the weight of twenty pairs of intrigued eyes simultaneously burning into his spine.

Would you like to one day, maybe, marry me?

Faye guarded her expression in the seconds of fragile silence, and Bash sensed in his bones that his answer wasn’t the one she’d wanted to hear, especially in front of so many people, which only made him even more adamant that he said what he did next.

“I was wrong to rush suggesting those ideas onto you so quickly last night,” he began. “I’m sorry. Maybe I’ve been in love with the idea of you for so long, that I haven’t been able to separatethatfrom how I feel for you now I’ve actually held you in my arms.”

Faye’s low eyes flicked towards the queue of people silently listening next to him, her teeth leaving marks on her lower lip that Bash wanted to reach across and soothe away.

Instead, he continued with what his heart begged for him to say with powerful little fists threatening to break out of his chest.

“There aren’t enough words in existence to explain how happy I am to even have the chance of loving you like you should be loved. I’m sorry I got so overexcited and eager to help you create all of your dreams that you’ve been wanting, that I asked you to marry me when you’re not ready.” His voice came out more rasped than he’d like. “I want a family and kids and a damn dog who chews up my rugs, but I don’t want them if they’re not with you, Faye.”

With a sharp hitch of breath in the air between them, Faye’s lashes lifted. She finally looked at him. Her big, beautiful, glossy round eyes full of anticipation delved right into Bash’s soul. He loved to hear her voice – she could recite the alphabet backwards and he would be enraptured, but he begged that she just listened to him for another minute longer.

There was too much counter top frustratingly between them for him to climb over and take her hands, so he took the note out from his pocket and held onto it tight.

“I promised you that I would slow down – so this is me slowing down.”

Faye’s misty eyes cut down, recognised the card, then latched onto his again. Anxious or keen, Bash couldn’t tell, but they struck his heart with a match. She had every right to tell him to stop this and leave, and yet she didn’t. Her shoulders went loose and another flame of hope swelled within him.

“I want to be falling in love with not theideaof you, butyou, Faye.” Drawing a deep breath, he said, “So … I’m going to wait for you. For as long as it takes that you’d like to date and figure out how this thing between us now is new. I’m not going anywhere that isn’t right where you are. You’re worth the time and the wait, Faye.”

---