Page 63 of Only Ever You

A hand between his shoulders encouraged him off of the bench and Bash retreated, gladly, to the safe bubble of his family.

“Sorry you had to leave,” Faye said as Bash led her down a shaded lane to a spot that he knew boasted a decent view.

“Don’t be.” Seeing so many men his age tossing children up in their arms had been growing depressing anyway. With the line of families gathered around Santa, the fire engine hadn’t looked as though it would be moving on any time soon when they’d left the festivity a minute ago. “I’m sorry I didn’t think about the siren being loud.”

“It’s alright. I don’t mind loudness but that was just a bit much to be stood right next to.”

“I’ll remember for next time.” Mild panic filled Bash as he realised what he said. As far as he was aware, Faye didn’t pick up on how it’d sounded like he’d presumptuously invited her for the occasion again next year.

She looped her arm with his and pulled him towards her, bumping shoulders as they walked. “You’re too sweet.”

Bash pretended as though that didn’t make his chest swoop and heat rise up his neck. He let out a quiet laugh coated in nerves. “Only for my favourite woman.”

Faye’s cheeks darkened in their redness under the fans of her eyelashes. How often she liked to walk like this, arm in arm, felt veryrelationship-y.Bash loved it. But it was torture. Like dangling a carrot in front of a donkey and never letting the poor guy have his fill. For how long he’d let his feelings grow without doing anything about them, he felt like an ass.

“What did you ask Santa for?” he asked after a few ambling strides.

Faye scoffed. “You mean the forty year old with the fake beard?”

“Shush! Santa might be able to hear you!” he whisper-shouted, jokingly covering her mouth.

Laughing under his palm, Faye peeled his hand away. “If I tell you what I asked for, it won’t come true, will it?”

“It could. I might be able to make it come true. I have some connections over in Lapland, you know.”

“Oh, do you?” Faye played along with his nonsense and Bash’s inner child grinned.

“Mhm. I redesigned the elves’ grotto last year,” he said, tapping his nose. “Very hush hush operation. Sorry, I couldn’t tell you about it.”

Something flickered on Faye’s face then that Bash couldn’t place. Like uncertainty. It was there one second and gone the next when she smiled thinly at him.

Bash wanted to know what that look was for, but Faye diverted. “I’ll tell you my wish if you tell me yours.”

“Hmm no. Can’t do that.”

Faye could bat her eyelashes all she liked, this wasn’t how Bash was going to tell her he had feelings for her. There was nowhere to hide when she turned him down, and he’d have to walk her back to the house anyway, unless he wanted her to find herself lost in the dark – which he didn’t.

“You didn’t look very comfortable up there.” Faye quietened.

“I wasn’t,” he said, dragging his feet.

She squeezed his arm. “I’m sorry I made you go.”

“You don’t need to be. It’s fine.” Bash didn’t blame her for getting swooped up in the festive moment and nudging him in front of the crowd. His awkwardness at being the centre of attention washisshit to deal with, not hers.

At work, he was fine. It was one of the few places where he had complete confidence in himself, because what he presented to the world was what he’d created, not his own image.

Those parts of his past that’d made him like this were ingrained within him – the very threads at the core of his tapestry no therapist had yet cut out completely. It wasn’t possible. Without them, the rest of who he was would fall apart. But he was working on it - redesigning the image around those threads.

If theyhadto be there – the memories of belittlement he couldn’t erase – then maybe changing the picture that came from them was all that he could do?

At the end of the lane, they stood in front of a metal farm gate and viewed across the empty land. They were higher up on a hill and thankfully the stars were out already, glittering the frosted ground.

Faye scanned across the ice tipped expanse. “Wow. It’s beautiful.”

It really is …

Bash exhaled slowly and eventually moved his eyes away from her. “I told you it would be. Look over there.” He pointed off to the right. “You can just about see home.” Or the lights of it, at least. The few they’d left on to return to.