Page 87 of Only Ever You

Feeling a need to cover up, he moved around her and pulled a crumpled t-shirt from his belongings. “The job offer came in barely two weeks ago and I’ve never wanted to take it.”

“Twoweeksago?” Faye tracked him around the room. “So right when you were professing to me how you wished your life was further along?”

“Yes.” He couldn’t catch a breath. “I didn’t tell you because there’s nothing happening. I’m not going. So there was nothing to tell.”

He could see why she’d be frustrated, but that didn’t stop Bash from wondering why shewaswhen nothing was going to change. Not for him, at least.

“Still, you left me in the dark.” Faye’s shoulders bunched around her ears with every flapping gesture she made. “Am I only just hearing about this because you’ve been caught out?”

Caught out?Bash’s lips parted. This wasn’t like he was having an illicit affair; this was an offer for a job that came to nothing. They happened every day in his line of work.

“If I’d thought for even a second I was going to accept the offer then I would’ve told you straight away. You have to know that.”

Faye looked like she’d been struck and Bash realised his mistake. “You mean likeIdidn’t,” she uttered.

Bash clenched his fists for something to squeeze, because she was right, this whole thing of them lying to each other and being upset about itwasfucked up. They werebest friendsfor god's sake. He hadn’t wanted to make her stress about something that was never going to happen, and yet it’d turned out that way anyway.

“No. No, Faye. And I’m not angry with you at all, please see that?” He took one step beside the bed that he wasn’t likely to get much sleep in tonight if they kept on with this fight.

Eyes downcast, Faye nodded slowly, the most unconvincing of nods. If anything, Bash expected her to put up more of a fight, but maybe the discussion they’d already had earlier had put some things into perspective for her.

His mind went straight to the basis of every therapy session he’d ever had. “Can you tell me what you’re feeling?” he asked. “So I know where we stand?”

After a moment filled by a breath, she answered, “Upset that I didn’t know about this. Relieved that you’re not going.”

“That’s okay. That’s good.” Upset and relieved, Bash could work with.

“We both made the same mistake,” Faye uttered.

Only a few hours since he’d found out about her news, and Bash hadn’t had time to process what the next year would look like for them with the party in full swing downstairs.

“Well we were bound to morph into the same person at some point, we’ve been stuck with each other for too long.” That earned him a small, tired exhale of a laugh.

Arms moving to hug around herself, Faye finally lifted her gaze. “Why don’t you want to go? To America?”

Bash stared at the shine in her eyes.

Didn’t she know?

“Because the life I’m trying to build isn’t four thousand miles away from here.” A tight tug within his chest made him want to go to her and replace her arms with his own, but he held back.

“But … it could be?” Faye sniffled. “The perfect woman you’re wanting to find and settle down with could be over there looking for you too.”

Bash shook his head. “She’s not.”

She was right in front of him.

Faye drew a long breath, her chest expanding against that white cotton of her cropped vest top. Bash couldn’t decide if she’d realised the singular meaning behind what he’d said or not. And if she couldn’t hear it, then it was written all over his face too.

Was now the right time to skip straight pasttellingher how much he adored her, to showing her instead? All of the buzzing within him felt the same as when he’d covered her from that near miss down the lane, and he could quite easily blame that for his desire to kiss her right then. To take those soft looking lips with his and breathe her in until there was no more space in his lungs.

Her throat cleared delicately and she looked down at her feet again.

Bash swallowed too.

On the back of an argument wasn’t the right moment to tell her how he felt; he started to feel like there would never be one. Saying he was in love with her was too much of a risk for their relationship that balanced on the threads of something more as it was without the moment being perfect.

No, if it was going to be all or nothing, then he had to do this right.

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