Page 96 of Only Ever You

“Dad, I’m?—”

“Don’t ever apologise for saying what you feel.”

Bash closed his mouth.

“I should have set a better example and better boundaries on behalf of this family a lot earlier. You did it for me just now and I am proud of you.” His father’s hand that aged right before Bash’s eyes cupped his cheek and gently patted. The sad smile on Arthur’s face made his eyes sting.

“We have agreed to talk about Morty’s behaviour in the new year, when tensions have settled,” Arthur added.

Bash finally breathed.

29

FAYE

It wassafe to say Faye had never had a Christmas like this. One ending with a whole happy family circled around a steadily burning fire pit, lit with “smokeless” cinder blocks and odd bits of twig from the garden. Above them, the slatted awning twinkled with strings of fairy lights swaying with the tide of the breeze.

The girls, bundled in their coats and hats and scarves, sat cross legged upon cushions and squinted at the books in their laps whilst the adults sipped on wine and whisky. She’d video called both sets of her parents separately in the morning and witnessed pretty much the same sight.

Faye didn’t know exactly what had been said in that dining room, but Mortimer left in what was likely the country’s most expensive taxi today soon after, heading for the nearest hotel that could check him in on Christmas Day.

The grim lull had hung, but then the girls had come in, singing and dancing with bowls of trifle in their hands, and the room had taken a breath.

Being here again on this patio Arthur had fashioned in the corner between the annexe and the house only made Faye remember how Bash overheard her last night. Her guilt didn’t sting quite so much anymore, but still lingered in the recesses of her heart.

To have that weight of her secret finally off of her chest had been freeing. But that weightless feeling had quickly come back down to settle like a rock in her stomach.

Bash had lied to her as well, though she’d realised her initial reaction had been too much. Merely hearing “America” and Bash’s name in the same sentence had set her on edge, made her pounding heart jump to conclusions – all of which put Faye right back at the start of fearing she’d lose him. Not to a few hours of driving but to halfway around the world instead.

A lie was a lie, but she’d known Bash for long enough to trust he hadn’t meant to hurt her. Him and Freddy were in fact probably the only two men in her life who’d never added any scars to her heart – her father had spent years of overcompensation to make up for his.

Though Faye didn’t give herself any slack for omitting her secret, either. Because shehadhurt Bash, and he’d forgiven her far too easily.

She didn’t know why she’d even tried to persuade him that what he was looking for in his life might be out there a plane ride away. And all that he’d done? He’d looked right at her and said, “She’s not,” with certainty. How on earth was she supposed to decipher the meaning of that?

Then he’d given her his Christmas gift. Faye couldn’t believe what he’d done: made a beautiful model of her bakery by hand. Though she appreciated the gestures, she didn’t want him spending his money on her, and looking at the brand of those stuffed pastries he’d also generously given to her, he’d spent a fair bit on them.

But the model had takenmonths.Threeof them. He’d put hours and hours of his time into the gift and just from the detail Faye saw how much care he’d put into it. That was so much more precious to her than if he’d bought out an entire shop full of those plushies.

She’s not.

Bash had looked at her in the same way as when he’d protected her and pressed her up against that hedge – hooded eyes serious in their blue depths. Faye’s heart had fallen over itself last night thinking he would march forwards, wrap his arm around her and kiss her senseless.

She shuddered as the picture of his face in that moment danced through her thoughts, and of course, Bash noticed the tremble of her body.

“Come here, keep warm.”

“I’m fine,” she tried to say but found herself being pulled into his lap upon the cushioned bench anyway.

“MaybeI’mcold,” Bash argued, though Faye doubted it. With another thin falling of snow in the afternoon settled on the ground, he was wrapped up in his padded jacket and orange beanie, cheeks nice and rosy.

The fire burned a welcoming warmth and everyone had faux fur blankets draped across their knees. Arthur and Michèle looked rather snuggly beneath theirs, as did Matt and Saira. She and Bash were the only onesnotbundled together like loved up teenagers.

“You’re never cold.” She arched her brow teasingly.

“Maybe that’s because you’re here,” Bash said and Faye’s lungs forgot how to function.

How could he look at her like this and say that? Didn’t he know not to play with a woman’s heart this way? There was no smile or flash of mischief in his eyes to say he said these things for the fun of it – Bash never said something he didn’t mean.

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